Kate A. Bares - Soul Integration Therapy

How to Deal With Difficult People: One Trick to Live a More Peaceful & Fulfilled Life Listen to this episode from The Mel Robbins Podcast on Spotify. Do you want to know how to deal with difficult people? What about if that difficult person in your life is a parent, boss, ex, child, or partner? Today, renowned psychologist and narcissism expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula is here to give yo...

4 years ago today I stood boldly in the Truth and set mySelf FREE!

But it wasn't enough to be out of the cage - I had to free mySelf from the inside. After I kicked and screamed and wallowed in the muck for a while, I mustered the courage to do the work. I decided none of it mattered - I just wanted my life back. I wanted to get back to "who I was" before the damage.

Or so I thought.

It had changed me. The trauma had cracked me open and scattered my pieces. I had no IDEA who I was anymore. ME! The one who helps OTHER people put themselves back together. I was so lost, y'all. How did I GET here?

Well, something happens in the psyche when you're broken down piece by insidious piece. It leaves you naked. Not GOOD naked - not "I'm so liberated and free!" naked. Not even close. It leaves you vulnerable and raw and cold naked. Terrified naked. Alone and ashamed naked. It inevitably leaves you with no place to hide - from yourSelf.

And that's when the most exquisite, most important, most life changing, Soul aligning work I've ever endeavored began. It healed me and it continues to sustain me, but it didn't take me back to "who I was" - it brought me all the way home to WHO I AM!

And it all started this day 4 years ago because I was willing to trust a deeper, wiser part of me, stand in that Truth and not shrink back, even when I had no idea what was to come.

SHE knew. She always knew. ❤️~kab

I’m looking for 7 Soul-centered women to work with closely in the next 60 days who want to break the cycle of Codependency for GOOD and live TRUE to WHO YOU ARE - in OR out of relationship!

You’ll also gain the skills to create guilt-free boundaries with ongoing support. 

​So if you... ​ ​ ​ 

1. Are really ready to set yourSelf FREE!

2. Are capable of handling more peace, Self-confidence and JOY!

3. Are 100% committed to doing the work. ​ ​ ​ 

4. And you are coachable… 

Then this might be for you. 

Drop the word FREE below and I’ll send you the next steps. ❤️

Energy doesn't lie. We shouldn't feel tolerated with people who love us. If you do, they're not your people - and that's not love. Trust your gut, take care of yourself - and go where you're celebrated for WHO YOU ARE!

Sometimes, we need help. Sometimes we need to ask for guidance - another perspective. Sometimes we just need someone to hold the rope while we pull ourselves up. And sometimes, we’re too proud or ashamed to ask - we feel stuck, lost, damaged - and that very damage won’t allow us to get the help we need. It’s a vicious cycle and it’s exhausting.

Every one of us (unconsciously) does, says, and believes things about ourSelves that simply ARE NOT TRUE. False paradigms molded from our life experiences; some we were taught and some we made up to survive pain. We have survival instincts on all levels - emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual, which is obviously a good thing - unless we get stuck there, in a cycle of surviving rather than thriving.

But we can heal! We CAN! We can stop the madness - when we're willing. We can stop being right about what's wrong (the damage) and get a second opinion; a different perspective; a second pair of eyes to see what we can't see. Someone we trust to be honest and objective, who can guide us when we get off track, or hold the rope while we pull ourselves up. We may feel lost, but WHO WE ARE is still there. Sometimes we just need a little help finding our way back. ~kab

From SHAME To SHINING!

When Courtney came to me several years ago, she was in a really dark place. She couldn't articulate what or why - only that she couldn't stand to be in her own skin. She felt stuck, scared and confused, and didn't feel like herSelf. It was especially challenging because it was leaking into every area of her life - she was withdrawing from her friends, her relationship was strained and edgy, she wasn't fulfilled in her job, and she'd even stopped working out, because she was exhausted ALL THE TIME. While a part of her was hopeful, another part of her was afraid she would be stuck with this forever.

After a few months of working with me, Courtney had a big shift! She didn't know it at the time, but through our work together, she discovered that a very old, unresolved trauma wound had been triggered by an event at work and it had spun her into a cycle of self-loathing and shame. She'd begun to isolate and hide, feeling unfit and unworthy. A big breakthrough for her was the realization that what she'd been through as a child was not "normal" and not her fault, although she'd been carrying the unspoken shame of it her whole life. Through the healing process, she was able to shift out of the shame cycle and reintegrate this disowned part of herSelf, with love and compassion. She attributes this shift to the Soul Integration work we did together - and the step-by-step deep-dive we walked thru in the Letting Go process, which gave her the tools to navigate the dark places with confidence, knowing she'll not only GET thru them, but she'll GROW thru them!

And now, Courtney's life is strikingly different! Today, she is more Self-aware and confident than she's ever been. She's able to handle challenging situations that would have previously triggered her, with an open mind and heart, clear boundaries and grace for others AND herSelf. She truly believes she's alive today because she chose to do the work we've done together - and - she's not only comfortable, but GRATEFUL to be in her own skin!

Helping people shift from being stuck in shame to SHOWING UP in WHO THEY ARE gives me more joy than you could possibly know!
That’s why I do what I do. Because I love seeing my clients come home to themSelves!

While I can’t promise that this happens for all of my clients as quickly as it happened for Courtney, I've discovered that if you want to get UNSTUCK badly enough, it’s really not even a matter of time, but of consistency and commitment to do the work, because WHO YOU ARE is ALREADY alive and present!

So - do you know someone who feels stuck, struggling with Self-worth or Self-confidence and really wants to feel good in their skin again? I have room for 5 FREE Belief Busting sessions in my schedule in the next couple of weeks. I would be honored if you would share this post with someone who is ready to break through the beliefs that are keeping them stuck!

Or send me a DM if you could use some support yourself. I would love to help! ~kab

I’m so excited to share this again!

I'm looking for 5 Soul-centered, Self-aware women to work closely with (1:1) for the next 60 days - who are fed up with feeling stuck and ready to BREAK THROUGH the BS and stand unapologetically in WHO YOU ARE!

You'll also gain the skills to deeply listen and trust yourSelf again, honor your boundaries, and confidently speak your Truth, with on-going support and integration practices.

So, if you are...
💪Really ready to Bust through the Beliefs that are holding you back and step into your LIFE as the Divine Being you ARE
🔥You can handle more Self-love, Self-acceptance and Self-worth than you've ever known!
🎯Are 100% committed to doing the work
🙋‍♀️And you're ready, willing and coachable

Then this might be for you!

Drop the words BELIEF BUSTER below and I'll send you the next steps to your FREE Belief Busting Breakthrough Session!!

I’m so excited to share this again! I just wrapped up a phenomenal 60 day round, and the results were breathtaking!

I'm looking for 5 Soul-centered, Self-aware women to work closely with (1:1) for the NEXT 60 days, who are fed up with feeling stuck and ready to BREAK THROUGH the BS to stand unapologetically in WHO YOU ARE!

You'll also gain skills to deeply listen and trust yourSelf again, honor healthy boundaries and confidently speak your Truth, with on-going support and integration practices.

So, if you are...
💪Really ready to Bust through the Beliefs that are holding you back and step into your LIFE as the Divine Being you
🔥You can handle more Self-love, Self-acceptance and Self-worth than you've ever known!
🎯Are 100% committed to doing the work
🙋‍♀️And you're ready, willing and coachable

Then this might be for you!

Drop the words BELIEF BUSTER below and I'll send you the next steps to your FREE Belief Busting Breakthrough Session!!

I so love my work! I live to see the light come back in the eyes of a Soul awakening, filling from that deep, down place where Self-worth has been uncorked! My feet hit the floor in a happy dance when someone wants to dive deep - not to be dragged or pushed from the cliff, but READY to hold hands and JUMP! I've been at that ledge so many times myself and it's always just as scary as the first, right up until the moment my feet leave the edge and I'm free-falling into ME - and all that I've forgotten I AM.

Not everyone's ready - I know that. As hard as it is to watch them struggle, I do my best to honor it. God knows I've been it. I understand how unsettling the unknown can be, but even more, I know how UNLIVABLE the settling is, so I'll keep stepping to that edge and I’ll keep diving in, again and again, because living WHO I AM is the purest JOY I have ever known!

You can always find me there, I'm sure of it - and I will always, ALWAYS offer you my hand if you're ready to jump, too! ~kab

The Shame That Was Holding Me Back and How I Healed It - for GOOD! (continued)

Ok, I promised a story update today - grab your popcorn!
So, even though I've spent decades helping people heal early emotional trauma - and the false perceptions/beliefs about themselves that took root - I know what it's like to smack up against my own struggle with Self Worth in the aftermath of emotional abuse and betrayal. It was only a few years ago that it knocked me to my knees.

I know what it's like to feel like you've lost yourSelf. I struggled to tap back into my value - my worth as a person. I'd stopped trusting mySelf. I was barely working and questioned if I even had anything to offer anymore. I worked with a coach to help me realign with my business, but nothing was shaking loose. Bottom line - I'd stopped believing in mySelf, in my work - even in my innate GOODNESS.
I'd wake up in the morning and not recognize mySelf in the mirror sometimes. Or I'd lay awake at night obsessing about some imagined slight or harm I caused or if someone was upset with me. I didn't know it at the time, but I was terrified of rejection and abandonment - so much so, I started having anxiety and panic attacks. I'd left my marriage a year before and I understood grief would take time, but this was different. This wasn't grief - this was the trauma I'd never processed IN the marriage, because I was busy holding it together, being codependent and swimming in unconscious shame on the daily. And I still was! At one point my coach suggested I use my OWN work to process thru it - which was brilliant - and also my turning point. I'd been running FROM the trauma, but when I turned TOWARD it, I didn't find a terrifying monster - I found a small, terrified child mired in shame. SHAME! It had been there all along - I'd found the cork that was blocking me from ME! That was the beginning of the deepest healing I've ever experienced AND the unfolding of the process that changed my work profoundly. I know how painful the aftermath of emotional abuse and betrayal can be - it's insidious and it will suck the very life force out of you.

AND I know what it's like to be on the other side of it - to be joyfully back in my skin, living and loving WHO I AM! I wake up excited to work with my clients, or spend the day with my Grandgirl, or whatever lights my heart up that day - I'm THERE for it! The best part is I know in my Soul that my work WORKS because I'm living the result of it! And now I go to bed grateful for ALL of it (which I never thought I'd say) because it allowed me to heal on a level I'd never touched before, and for the impact that's making in others' lives. That's why I do this work - that's why I've ALWAYS done it - and it feels so good to be aligned in that again!
There's always that part of me that feels like I might be sharing too much about my story, but what's more true for me is this: It happened, it mattered, and it's important - not just to me, but to my work. If I had to go through it to help others through it, then it was worth every bit of it - and - it's not mine to keep to mySelf. I know how painful it is to feel lost in your own skin and life's too damn short to live that way!

So if you or anyone you know struggles in the aftermath of emotional trauma, abandonment or betrayal - and those nagging negative beliefs that linger - I'm offering 5 people a *FREE* BELIEF BUSTING BREAKTHROUGH SESSION to help you take big steps in healing and reclaiming yourSelf and your Self Worth! I want YOU to be free to BE WHO YOU ARE and I'd be honored to support you. Just let me know below if I can be of service to you or someone you care about!

So much love! ~ kab

The Unconscious SHAME That Was Holding Me Back and How I Healed It - for GOOD!

Even though I've been helping people heal emotional pain and trauma for over 30 years - breaking through limiting beliefs to live the TRUTH of WHO THEY ARE - I have to admit, I got stuck in my own very painful, very UNTRUE belief that was triggered by trauma several years ago. Over time, I found myself hiding and playing (un)comfortably small, not wanting to be seen - and not making nearly the impact I know I'm here to make.

Because I felt shame about my experience, I haven't shared a lot of the most significant aspects of my story - how it changed me, how I found my way HERE, and why I’m even more passionate about my work now.

But I've vowed to change all that and I'll keep putting this out there!

I've promised to be more VISIBLE and share more of my story with you, because I know there are a lot of people I can help who're so ready to shed the shame, the BS beliefs, the trauma that was never theirs to carry - and finally feel FREE to BE WHO THEY ARE again!

I’ll share more of my story tomorrow - but for today, if you'd like to see me make a bigger and more positive difference in the lives of a LOT more people,

Will you please drop me a note below?

I stumbled on the concept of Codependency in the mid 90's when someone put the book Codependent No More (by Melody Beattie) in my hand. I wish I could remember who that person was, because they changed my life! From the first page, I couldn't put it down. It was ME - I was reading about MY life! I'd been on my teaching/guiding path for a few years and THIS - this was not THAT. Not anything I'd come in contact with before and it blew the doors open. I dug in and dug deep - practiced new things, grieved old things, grew, dug some more, let more go, found more ME. The shift I felt was palpable and I remember thinking "everybody needs to know about this!" And that was it - I commenced to creating my very first course: LETTING GO.

Melody's work continued to be my inspiriation and always my reference, but I knew even then that this was NOT only for people in relationship to addicts and alcholics - this was ALL of us. I had students in my circles who had never been in relationship to either, yet shared the same Codependent qualities as those who had. I've taught this work for almost 3 decades now and in the last 3 years, THIS is what has crystalized in my experience:

Codependency is rooted in shame. Yes, SHAME. If we trace our Codependent patterns all the way back to their original source, I promise you - we'll find shame. Shame disguises itself in a lot of ways - Abandonment Trauma, Insecure Attachment, Trauma Bonding - all rooted in shame and all share Codependent qualities. Getting in and STAYING in toxic relationships - shame. Anger, control, caretaking, people pleasing - all shame. Deficiency (negative) beliefs about ourselves - shame. Shadow Self - shame. I could go on, but the bottom line is: Heal the SHAME - heal the Codependency!

The LETTING GO work has never been about letting go of others, but rather, of our own unhealthy attachments and beliefs and it's taken on a whole new, deeper resonance than ever before: LETTING GO of the shame that keeps us hiding WHO WE ARE. It's powerful. It's palpable. It's POSSIBLE!

It's happening. LETTING GO is back! (just like those bell bottoms, only better!) I have space to walk 6-8 people thru the process over the next 6 weeks. Drop the words BRING IT below if you want this in your life! 😊

That feeling I get when a client says, "I knew I had to work with you - I knew you'd get it!" I do. I so do - and it makes every bit worth it.

I’m looking for 6-8 people who are READY to ROCK 2024!!

In just 8 weeks, you'll gain the skills and practices to create and MAINTAIN balance in every area of your life - year round!

Got goals? BRING 'EM! You'll also learn why resolutions rarely stick and step-by-step how to harness and use your ENERGY to manifest your Truest intentions and goals with EASE.

So if you...
1. Are ready to feel balanced and grounded in EVERY area of your life.
2. Are capable of handling more energy, more peace and more of your dreams becoming reality.
3. Are 100% committed to doing the work
4. And you're coachable

Then this might be for you!

We're kicking off January 2, 2024 and SPACE IS LIMITED so drop "ROCK2024" for deets TODAY!!

BONUS: Anyone who's in by December 25 gets EARLY BIRD special pricing AND Early Bird BONUS!! (valued at $225!)

I’m so excited to finally share this! WOMEN ONLY! (sorry guys)

I'm looking for 6 Soul-centered women to work closely with who are fed up with feeling stuck and are ready to BREAK THRU the BS once-and-for-all in the next 60 days!

You'll also gain the confidence skills to BE WHO YOU ARE, EVERYWHERE YOU ARE with on-going support and integration practices.

So, if you are...
🧨 Really ready to bust thru the beliefs that are holding you back and step into 2024 as the Divine Being you ARE
❤️ Open to more Self-love, Self-acceptance and Self-worth than you've ever known
💪 Are 100% committed to doing the work
🎯 And you're coachable...

Then this might be for you.

Drop the words TRUE SELF below and I'll send you the next steps. 👏

The Shame That's Been Holding Me Back continued...

So, even though I've spent decades helping people heal emotional trauma (and subsequent false beliefs) I know what it's like to smack up against my own Self Worth in the aftermath of emotional abuse and betrayal. It was only a few years ago that it knocked me to my knees.

I know what it's like to feel like you've lost yourSelf. I couldn't tap fully into my value. My worth. I hadn't realized I'd stopped trusting mySelf - I was barely working and wasn't sure I even had anything to offer anymore. I hired a coach to help me get my business shored up, but nothing was shaking loose. I stopped believing in mySelf, in my work - even in my innate GOODNESS.

I'd wake up in the morning and not recognize mySelf in th mirror sometimes. Or I'd lay awake at night obsessing about some imagined slight or harm I caused or if someone was upset with me. I started having anxiety, which I'd never had before, and even had a couple of random panic attacks! I'd left the marriage a year before and was aware grief takes it's sweet time, but this felt different. At one point my coach suggested I use my OWN work to pull myself up - which was brilliant - and also my turning point. I'd been running FROM the trauma and when I turned TOWARD it, I found a well of shame that wasn't even MINE - I'd found the cork that was blocking me from ME! That was the beginning of the deepest healing I've ever experienced and the process that changed my work profoundly. I know how painful the aftermath of emotional abuse and betrayal can be - it's insidious and it sucks.

AND I know what it's like to be on the other side of it - to be joyfully back in my skin, living and loving WHO I AM! I wake up happy to work with my clients or spend the day with my grandbaby, or whatever lights my heart up. The best part is I know in my Soul the work WORKS because I'm living the result of it! And now I go to bed grateful for all of it - for healing me on a level I'd never touched before, and for the impact it's making in others' lives. That's why I do it - that's why I've ALWAYS done it, and it feels good to be aligned in that again.

There's a part of me that feels like I might be sharing too much about my work - (ahem, I'm doing that challenge 😊) - but what's more true for me is, if I had to go thru it to help others thru it, then it was worth every bit of it - and who am I to keep that to myself?! I know how painful it is and life's too short to live that way!

So if you or anyone you know struggles in the aftermath of betrayal trauma or emotional abuse/abandonment - and the negative, nagging beliefs that linger - I'm offering 5 people a Free BELIEF BUSTING BREAKTHROUGH SESSION to help you take big steps in healing and reclaiming your Self and your Self Worth! I want YOU to be free to BE WHO YOU ARE and I'd be honored to support you. Just let me know in the comments below if I can be of service to you or someone you care about.
So much love! ~ kab

Read that again. And again and again.

Consider this ✨

Author:

On my last post someone asked: what do you think of unconditional love?

And this was my answer.

One of the most destructive collective beliefs we have is that unconditional love means unconditional acceptance of any behavior. It does not. Unconditional love means: I love you *and* love myself. I will protect myself. I can love you from afar if that means keeping myself safe and emotionally healthy. I can let go if I need to. I can choose my peace and my sanity. And my physical health.

Unconditional love is a state of knowing a person is not their conditioning or their patterns. While also knowing their live choices are for them to live with. Unconditional love believes in everyone’s ability to do the work, to take responsibility, and to become the person they were truly mean to be