Crystal Haus

🎁✨ MYSTERY BAGS ARE BACK… AND THIS TIME THEY’RE HERE TO STAY! ✨🎁

You guys loved our Mystery Bags during Christmas in July, so we decided they deserved a permanent spot at Crystal Haus. 👀💎

We now have Mystery Bags in all kinds of price points — starting at just $5 — and every single one is packed with goodies worth more than what you pay.

The only catch?

You don’t get to know what’s inside. 😏

Could it be crystals? Jewelry? Carvings? Something completely unexpected? There’s only one way to find out. 👀

Pick your price.
Choose your bag.
Embrace the mystery. ✨

And yes… these are officially a Crystal Haus staple now. 🥳

A perfectly sane response to your favorite piece of crystal jewelry attacking you in the morning is creating a social media post and blaming fossils, right? Right? 😂🫣

Apparently Reginald’s reach has expanded into unforeseen areas. 👀👻

Crystal Haus is now hiring: HR Manager

Prior paranormal experience optional, but apparently strongly preferred.

Responsibilities include:
✨ Mediating fossil disputes
✨ Documenting hostile jewelry incidents
✨ Investigating unexplained signage movement
✨ Determining whether “the crystal attacked me” qualifies as workers’ comp
✨ Managing one extremely well-behaved Walter
✨ Attempting to establish authority over Reginald

Benefits include:
💎 Employee discount
😂 Free entertainment
👻 Occasional spiritual warfare
🚫 Absolutely no guarantee that Reginald will respect your authority

Please send résumé, references, and preferred method of supernatural containment.

At this point, I did not open a crystal store. I opened a paranormal workplace with inventory. 🤣🫣

Happy 47th birthday, Gloria Jean’s!

🦋 New Butterflies and Moths have fluttered on into Crystal Haus and they have brought so much joy along with them. 🦋

🕷️ A Note About Our Insect & Animal Specimens 🦴

We know that when you’re bringing a piece of the natural world into your home, where it came from matters.

All of the insect and animal specimens carried at Crystal Haus are ethically sourced. We work with suppliers who obtain their specimens responsibly — we do not support the intentional harming or killing of animals simply for the purpose of creating curiosities or décor.

We believe these pieces should inspire curiosity, education, and appreciation for the natural world while still respecting the life they came from. 💚

As always, if you ever have questions about the sourcing of a particular specimen, please ask! We’re happy to share what we know.

Finally…I have all my ducks in a row! 🦆

















🦆 🦆 💎

🚨 THE REGINALD EXPERIMENT HAS ESCALATED. 🚨

For those following along at home, Reginald — our approximately 400-million-year-old trilobite with a documented history of workplace misconduct — has previously been caught throwing his own price tag.

Today?

OTHER SIGNAGE IS NOW HITTING THE FLOOR.

From across the store.

Sir.

You do not have hands.
You do not have muscles.
You are, respectfully, a fossil.

And yet here we are. 😒👀

Reginald has apparently expanded his résumé:

🦴 Ancient Fossil
📱 Social Media Manager
🚨 Security Officer
👻 Poltergeist

Meanwhile, Walter continues to stand quietly at his post and would like it formally documented that he has had NO INVOLVEMENT IN THESE EVENTS. 🏆

I fear putting Reginald on the thinnest of ice has only encouraged him to develop telekinesis.

This was supposed to be a crystal store. I am not qualified for paranormal HR. 😭😂

⸻

📋 CRYSTAL HAUS EMPLOYEE INCIDENT REPORT

Employee: Reginald
Department: Ancient Life & Natural Curiosities
Approximate Age: 400 million years
Current Position: Social Media Manager / Unlicensed Security Officer
Previous Infractions: Repeated removal and/or launching of personal price tag
New Infraction: Suspected telepathic interference with unrelated store signage
Witnesses: Management. Unfortunately.
Evidence: Signage mysteriously located on floor well outside employee’s immediate work area
Employee Statement: None. Reginald has declined to cooperate with HR.
Walter’s Statement: “Leave me out of this.”
Disciplinary Status: Public Embarrassment Pending Termination
Management Notes: Employee appears to be developing new abilities. This was not discussed during onboarding.

⚠️ HR RECOMMENDATION: Continue surveillance. Do not provoke the fossil.

Unfortunately, I am HR.

After reviewing today’s security footage and discovering that TWO separate people decided Crystal Haus was apparently running a “take what you want” promotion, management has been forced to make some personnel changes.

Effective immediately, Reginald has been reassigned from Social Media Manager to Head of Security & Paranormal Enforcement. 👻

Frankly, he has been waiting for this moment.

His new duties include:

💎 Staring directly into the soul of anyone behaving suspiciously
💎 Guarding the Crystal Buddies with unreasonable intensity
💎 Investigating all unauthorized merchandise relocation
💎 Throwing his price tag as an emergency security alarm
💎 Appearing in mirrors when thieves least expect it
💎 Whispering “PUT IT BACK” from unexplained locations
💎 Making poor decisions feel spiritually expensive
💎 Maintaining a detailed list of heathens for management review

Walter has accepted the position of Good Cop / Community Relations Officer and will continue greeting law-abiding citizens with professionalism and emotional stability.

Reginald will not.

For legal reasons, Reginald has been informed that he may not physically harm anyone.

For paranormal reasons, management has chosen not to ask too many follow-up questions.

Congratulations on the promotion, Reginald.

Your disciplinary status remains unchanged.

Good boy. Use your powers responsibly.