Malcom Rodriguez

bex and I visited the IL state fair yesterday- the LG stand was not up. Our long-time marekter is out with a foot injury, says Willis- she told me she is teaching. She and i spoke on the phone this morning and I told her that Willis had told me that he'd let the new person- wife of the j6er- shut down for the day because of rain- there wasnt any rain outside of a few scattered drops lasting no more than 2 seccinds. kathy told me that she is used to working through that.

bex chatted a slushie mix dispenser and walked away without buying anything- she told me she is practicing for our time share presentation coming up 09/05. I am hoping to get us a cruisy-woozy after we sit for the 2 hours required.

My mom said she was hypnozited during one and she came to and saw everyone surroundimg drinking champaign and had to ask herself what she was even doing there

Billy did one for free tickets to a show in branson amd said they were very compelling. My mom says her late father told them after being asked what'd it take he said "i wouldnt sign up even if you paid me"

I actually have hated hearing the comparison to time share presentation doing in-home sales- this should give me some context at least. Also the hotel comes with free breakfast.

Every so often the youtube has a dry run- a day or two of negligble veiws on videos. Had one recently but bex got us out of it with a video of the dogs being fed from their bowls resting on dual-runnimg roombas. One is a shark, actually- the other is some other brand.

Hoping to have a shark i interviewed start a week following next monday. He is someone who has got "it" aggressively charismatic without any of the scuz or slime- a good ole boy without any noticiable hickery

got another guy in class- he has a BO problem that he tries to mask with excessive cologne. I told him I am particular sensitve to scents and to tone it down- asked for a 75 percent reduction. I tomd him its good I am sensitive because I make for a good canary in the coal mine.

worst smell i have evert dealt with though is still stabby's rancid cologn he got from ether's uncles when they were temporarily put up there befroe one of them literally beat the s**t out of him on black friday and bex had to go pick him up- reeking of s**t so he could be horribly late to selling shoes for me... stabby really was the beggining of the end of my ahoe store management- obviously the labor day "weapons discharge/ yosemite sam" event that had the mall evacuated (a gun fired thrice) will always remain a major millstone

my iPhone just moved a text conversation that I initiated into spam, without warning me, because it didn’t recognize the other number. so I had to go looking for the conversation.

def system down on truck again at work

J6 still has to close out his lead from yesterday, he is still off today from lack of gas money. Blong is back tomorrow. JakeMike is back thursday maybe.
New guy came in stinking of cologne at the beggining of the day and of BO at the end. Interviewed a shark yesterday- he'll blow everyone else out of the water if he starts but wont be running leads til mid september.

decided my new thing is folksy political musings repeating common phrases ironically "defend our freedom, protect and serve" etc because my own anti-war message is clever but not toothy enough "wage increase, not war"

jesus that rascal he got into god's computer, and messed with the records so now everyone in hell went free

made a tiktok song about bex's condition but it isnt quite overt- no one caught on in the comments (no comments at all actually)

bobby locked himself up for stability's sake- billy and i visited him at mrsa and played king of tokyo. billy won.

jakemike needs to just say NO (he was addicted to nitrous oxide)

tried asking at tall glass of J's Top of the Tower if "Innuit brothers/sisters is less offensive that the alternative- that joke didnt land (it never does) but Dr Nick in good faith suggested we just declare that we slept together via transitive property. I was talking about Tudefrooty's short refractory periord I'd heard about from [geographic feature] zdollabillz- two people i cite as folk influences. They both have voices.

back to wearing my tungsten band- it represents power but it is also size 12 against my usual 11.5 and partly this is a reflection of weight gain.

I hope dr nick gets that casio watch with the battery pack. The watch js yellow.

didnt do the ia state fair but did stay in newton- went to bettendorf in the am to share news sat AM with creeks and forrests

have someone starting today, an interview at 1 too, s**t I forgot my computer at home.

gonna see the brookers, maybe stop in chicago, mayne stop at the state fair- how many places can we go with the dogs

woodsy urbanite wants me to go to a movie in december at amc, along with some other folkses

chop truck still needs a thermomometer- supposed to have come in today.

i need to fix the lawm mower. I should get it replaced today. The battery.

need an oil change. Need to lose weight. Need to clean my car.

set up a second litter box for simba- put it in the main bathroom- there was an awkwardly large space between the vanity and the toilet, and I think it fills ot niceley.

i habe 15 dollars in credit at burger king that is only good for a month. I made a bean salad of sorts. It is in the fridge. Bex makes them better. She challenged me to make one but i was feeling lazy.

need to clean out the room with all our stuff in it at work. Fish tanks. Exercises equipment. Ikea furniture. Chest freezer. Paintings. A piano. Porch furniture. Massage chair. A tent. Two bicycles. My twin matress. That electric scooter. And more!

the tired of low energy. Bad gas and low tires.

gotta clean my car out. needs an oil change. Need to fix the broken windshield.

go back into the woods. machette. Mushrooms. The general manager of oanera reviews applicants ebery day. Someone's daughter works at the barn.

Looked at old photos- screenshots of a life where everything really seemed to matter. Nothing really of material consequence. Some comfort i was a litte bit fatter. Is it?

TIAG- thus is my thing lately, declaring it so when ever I hear a bit of good news.
Bad news however, would be like this: "they are out of donuts, god has abandoned us"

my dream laat night i was watching realestpeaches set up for a good friday service at the perhaps rockhurst parking lot, but it was an elementary school. he had to chop down the trees- he seemed more ready than i was when i had to run the music for that same service the year prior. I came over to learn this year's music with him to rehearse but the kids from the third floor of the school were being noisy, so peaches, dressed as a referree blew his whistle to ask them to quiet down, so they started singing happy birthday, I came over to him, realizing neither of us knew whose birthday it was and perhaps the children didnt either, they were just responding naturally to the whistle and whispered "jesus" to him and then sure enough they all sang "happy birthday dear jesus" . As the service started, zanyanybuni thanked me for helping him by asking concrete questions. I was seated next to an old gal, 90 something, and i helped her follow along in the music, except the tradtional catholic lyrics were alrered slightly to make references to anheiser-busch.

The dark roast coffee tastes burnt today.

we are to do inventory.

I took the dogs in the woods yesterday. Found wild chanterrella, ate some. Found corn fields. Found a patch of fancy lettuce and a trail cam that i waved to, then found the hunting trails. Walked along them some before getting up on the highway to walk on the side of the road back. Willa lost her seresto somewhere along the way. It had broken days earlier and i poorly taped it together around her squirming neck before we ventured off.

J6er speaking unfinished sentences. People hate on them- liberal pride. I hate his mind misfolded like a prion.

"He's identifying as a bloodhound" old people chirping at panera.

Bex and I cleaned the house for miggiesmallz and ana visiting- what a difference. I rerranged the kennels and moved the litter robot into the laundry room- i shoved one of her round plant stones pleccos paracoks baubleooks dusty-til-you-wash-em- calling bex now- Plecca!!! I put a plecca in the door latch hole to the laundry room so the door cant latch so simba can have fre access to it.
This is an about-face of our previous rule- the dolr must ALWAYS be latched so simba cant rip open the dog food bags- i solved that issue by moving the dog bag into a hard plastic container with a lid.

they treated us to thai/chinease. We played king of tokyo twice.
the lawn needs mowed.

aunt maggie says she saw a snapchat live video of me crashing my car and then getting out- i dont know what she might be talking about

stephen's wedding is december 11th- bex wants to stay in le mars through christmas after

I had to fix the air conditioning at work- a cover to the condenzer's ass blew off and some well meaning (assumably) groundskeeper set it on top of the grate above the fan, blocking the airflow

I went to a church fish fry on sunday before they came to visit- bex didnt want to go she was sure it would smell like fish- i told her i didnt think it would... it did. I think i was the only outsider there, despite the sign on the bulletin board at panera that adviertiaed it as open to all

Work conference is in january- 15th ish?

open auditions for the godfathers part 1, part, 2, part 3

Helped belimda with her rain barrells yesterday. It wasnt too hard. Posted 10 minutes of it on youtube. It was mugggggyy though.

Eric at Panera says a sticky fingers walked off with the cinamon shaker so now im just almond milk amd half and half

bex restarted criminal minds

she remembers that i prefer vinegar cole slaws- me noting this betrays how little we eat coleslaw- this i should feel guilty about.

it was really clogging my brainteries how messy the hhouse was- grumping my shakiras

i used to feel guilty i wasnt bowling more- i skill i thought i needed to practice but i was neglectful.

there is a free fish fry at 11 am this sunday- bex doesnt like fish but she does like getting out of the house.
people keep asking how we like the new place- i usually dont mention the dip in the floor i keep idly fantasizing about fixing- i usually try to angle for charmingly sardonic "only 98 more boxes to unpack" i wish i was saying. "The dogs are loving the woods" but i havent done that near enough to justify that. I need to do that today.
I love the woods. I spent so much time in the woods in Indepemdence, I oughten to be loving these woods even more- they are far more expansive.
I can bring the machette i bought for the woods. My mom says it takes seven years to recover from a move. Bex and I have moved 4 times now in our seven years together.
I woke up at 545 and did some dishes- the sink was moldy. I fed the last of the burnt spaghetti to the dogs. The backyard needs mowed bad, but it doesnt seem to matter.
There is an old-timey expression - to bite off more than one can chew- i know we can chew all this but this move especially feels chewy like how bubble gum is chewy- eventually it loses its flavor and turns into a tough pill to swallow, or something you have to scrape off the bottom of a chair, or something you take out of your mouth and set on the plate so you can eat your meal at a fancy restaurant, but also horses chomp at the bit.
I know what i have to do- i need to find a way to kennel the dogs such that we can get a dining room table set up. All must be feng in the land of schwa. The dogs kennel situation is a clogged toilet in our dining room.
I have another half a mind to build a shed of pallets from work. I half plenty of half minded thoughts.

i read that we are fascia- a connection of fibers, a gel in which organs and muscle are suspended
and ruminating on that
i arrived at the realization that i've been depressed and absent- having retreated into less, as my breathing has felt tight, and my will shrinks.
my distractions- detractions- are all pleasant
It said you can sing to your fascia, and hum, and move deliberatly counter to the cramped old regular way you've set up in
this was all as my mind was wandering prior to sleep, a psychelic exploration of unexpected connection, the poetry in motion, the train of thought bobbing on the sea
i had a terrible blight of a headache this morning- a rebellion against the same old same old and the smoke in the air from the wildfires. GoldCore the fabriactor showed me the levels on his phond- higher than they should be but not dangerous. .
Jake mike lit up a cigarrette. He spent the weeken doing crack- upset because his girlfriend of 6 years moved to arizona, found a new man, and got back on he**in.
My boss called me because he got a ramblimg message from the J6er complaiming about me not.giving him time off (i wanted him to ask directly- later i told him he was askimg for time off like how i used to ask people for ciharrettes at the bar "oh wow i haventt had a cigarrete in a while- that cig sure looks good")- and I wasnt compassionate with him and that's my fault- i havent been present- just less and harried and tired and retreating into snacks and age of empires 2- a truley great game but it's been eating my time.
My writing has been soulless- maybe not totally- more so scraping at bits of soul like taking a spoon to a jar of peanut butter right before it's getting thrown away.
You get what you give, according to the somg that says that. I told bex it's ok for us to be depressed for so long- it's paying the piper, the dues.
But perhaps it is time I get back in the woods. Drink a bunch of water and then p*e on a tree. .
yes some of my responsibilities at work wear on me. This is why god invented nature- a way for humanity to get away from artifice.
depression was the tide lulling back, expsosing a dead and barren beach- fine bits of rock and shell worn into a warm comfort that eventually turns blistering, sending hopping feet into a scurry into the ocean, deep, full, unyielding- and also crowned with foam
where do i go when i am not here- what is the air conditioner when i turn it off- it is actually a liabilty, for it lets warm air in through cracks only made for it to vent warm air out.
people can be taxing. Travel too. Bex and I have done a lot of that, and I actually spend a lot of energy to keep up appearances- that 's my secret- it's work. I lean into bits the same way any performer does- tried and true fresh from the can- manufacturing is a miracle but the real chef always adds a secret ingredient- of course i dont always add a secret ingredient- just when i am being conscientiously deliberate- often intentionally so.
When the tide comes in sandcastles are destroyed and whales sometimes end up where they shouldnt. I have memory of a big dead whale on the beach when I was six or so. I want to say i touched it.
i have always been cyclical- ever since I started being this way. And I always will be, until I am not, in which case I will revert to my other state of being: non-cyclical.
Each breath might serve as a reminder but that seems fecuously inane- not far-feathered of my wheelhouse, sure but really I havent mind much to spare. Except now as I am powered on, from my 5 minutes of psychelic meditation- why dont i do that more often. I guess i used to smoke w**d every so often- my five minutes was a scalp massage, rubbing the sand from my eyes, a splash of water in the face... w**d is an airhorn from a couple rooms over and a cat making biscuits on my nare belly- this just is a touch more pleasant way of being woke.
Domt get me wrong i will still probably do w**d at some point
I was just thinking of a time in college- a snow day senior year- and i was in a snowball fight, a womderful snowball fight, and my friend scratched his face, and i thought he was communicating to me that he thought we were lovers- i was too high, as i often was.
I wandered off on my own inside the studen center thingy- Massman- when I ran into this gal, Rose. I had only ever seen her a couple of times- i explaimed that my hands were cold and i remember thinking at the time that i was especially concerned because my dad had told me that he warmed his hands up improperly and now his hands get colder easier. Anyway, rose had me put my hands on her belly under her shirt, and she said something like "he's up in there" and i was immediately convinced that she was having my perform an abortion on her by chilling the baby with my cold cold hands.

jake mike just handed me 240 smackerooskis. i'd lent him 100 buckeroonis on condition that he'd assume the 150 dollar debt j6er owed me- so he still owes me 10

austin the spike punch owes me 5 bigguns
jade owes me 20 and 4 instances of mcdonalds
willie owes me 400 and mcdonalds
yesWifi owes me 1k
stabby owes 13 hundred

jake mike asked if i'd been in love before my wife
i told him of a gal in middle school who told me she loved me so i immediately took to having a crush on her, got her house phone number from the phone book, wrote out cheat sheets to say things I wanted to say to her because I was quivering with anxiety, did that a couple times before she told me she meant it as a friend. it felt like a tap inside me that'd been gushing warmth was immediately turned off. i was in dragonmouth's basement- but in those days it was just called a basement.

i used to sneak down there to look at the s**t books stashed on the built in bookshelf. it's dank and unfinished but that never really bothered me. actually i'd been not really into the basement at all til the older neighbor kid Pettit showed me that you can play hide and seek down there, and even climb on the pipes.

one time I snuck down there with a portable dvd player to watch the butterfly effect in the middle of the night.

one time i went down there to hide when my mom cussed at me- she'd been angry and i pushed her over the edge into saying something hateful- i can't at all remember what it was about.

one of the s**t books i read wasn't even really that but I read a good nugget of it- it was about some entreprenuer who'd built a fruit empire starting in the 1920s or so off just one fruit stand- at some point some couple had gotten married and immediately gotten pregnant and it had people counting on their fingers the months.

Pettit, Andrew, had a sister Makayla- a year younger than me perhaps, I think andrew must have been a year older. one time she told me she would sometimes look over and see us changing as we were back then boys without shame- but my shame was of course bedwetting, and wearing pullups to bed. i was nervous she'd seen that. she spoke of french kissing some boy in the closet at bryant- the secular elementrary school across from the catholic school i went to. both only a block away.
we had a swing set in the yard at some point perhaps. or maybe we didn't. I think we must have- I think her and I did the 4 legged spider once- i know I did it with someone- but in the side yard of the house was a patch of dirt, I think after the swing set was gone that patch of dirt remained, where people would kick their feet across the grass or push off to get the swing going.
i got it in my mind that I could make a trap- so I dug a hold perhaps a foot deep, then filled it with water and covered it with sticks. I had her stand on it and in her leg went, muddied. she cried and told me i'd gotten her pants dirty that she had put on for her uncle's funeral.
after they moved out of that house next to ours I would occiasionally break into it in its vacancy- crawling up to the second floor. it was more lonely than peaceful.