Hope In The Shadows

It is OKAY to celebrate AND grieve!

As a follower of Jesus who strives to live a life worthy of that calling, i used to think that I could never acknowledge the fact that sometimes I didn’t want to celebrate other people. Sometimes I was downright MAD.

Because, let’s face it, it’s HARD to see people living the life that you’ve prayed about for so long and month after month it’s still not happening.

But guess what?

You can celebrate others and be happy for their blessing while also being honest with yourself about your feelings. You don’t have to deny the reality of your experience in order to be happy for another person.

It can be both.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” - Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭15‬ ‭

We had an appointment this morning and those days are always so conflicting in my mind. On one hand, it’s comforting to know that someone way smarter and more informed than us is who’s treating the problem, but on the other hand, it often feels like each treatment plan is just a shot in the dark. Throwing stuff at the wall just to see what sticks.

God reminded me that all of the frustration and times of waiting are opportunities for growth to happen. He’s not holding out on us by it not being “our time. It’s not some kind of punishment or strange way of torturing us. It truly is a blessing that we have all this time to prepare.

Prepare our bodies.
Prepare our minds.
Prepare ourselves spiritually.

All of the things that we tend to push to the wayside when we’re in crisis mode and just trying to get to the other side. We miss out on how He is making this time purposeful.

Do I have this mindset all the time? Absolutely not. Not even half the time. But I’m thankful that today He set my heart and eyes on Him.

Hi friends! I'm honored that you're here. God has worked in my heart through our long season of waiting and infertility. I'm stepping out in faith that others need some truth and hope in the dark corners of life and that this can be healing for both them and myself.

I want to start out by warning you that this is not necessarily going to be a warm and fuzzy, everything-will-be-alright kind of thing. It’s not for the person who only wants to hear about how God miraculously gave me a baby and I am now on the other side of this struggle. But I can tell you one thing, it will be honest. And it will be full of Jesus.

I’m beginning these entries as I’m five years into a long battle with my body, with my mind, and truthfully, my God. I am twenty-nine years old in the throes of infertility with no end in sight. My purpose in writing this is to fill a spiritual and literary need that I have been searching for constantly. Most authors writing on this subject are writing from the standpoint of the other side. They’ve made it. They have their baby and all is right in their world. While it’s encouraging to read that God answered their prayers and blessed them beyond measure, it doesn’t speak to the unending pain and confusion that surrounds uncertainty.

So come along with me if you are waiting for something. Waiting for God to move and answer prayers that you've been praying for a long time. Waiting for that spouse. Waiting for that career. Waiting for it to finally be your turn. Let's grow and take this journey together.

XO, Emma