Dara Fields, LPCC

Looking forward to the spring bridal show at the Civic Center on Feb 15th! Come check it out! Should be lots of people to meet and things to learn about weddings in Northern California! 😍

I love listening to lectures by attachment therorist, Susan Johnson! She does a wonderful job casting a vision for the importance of attachment in society. She points out in this video how our society is moving away from ruggid individualism (think superman) to valuing secure connections with others to help us feel loved and thrive in life.

Dr Sue Johnson Keynote Address at the Australian Assembly on Affect & Attachment 2020 We were lucky enough to have Dr Sue Johnson open our 2-day assembly in Brisbane and Melbourne in March 2020. Here is her inspiring keynote address emphasizin...

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Very true! Not safe to reconcile if someone isn't owning how they harm you and engaging in an attachment repair proccess.

We do this a lot with our children without realising. We have to be careful with how we teach forgiveness.

Someone hurts them, and before the hurt is even acknowledged, we nudge them toward reconciliation — “say sorry,” “forgive and forget,” “be the bigger person.”

On the surface, it looks like kindness. Underneath, it teaches something dangerous: that peace matters more than truth. That their pain is less important than keeping the peace.

And the irony? When they are the ones who cause harm, we often expect the opposite. We want them to apologise sincerely, to take responsibility, to really feel the weight of what they’ve done. Rightly so — accountability matters.

But what message does this send when paired with the first? That other people deserve forgiveness without repair, but YOU must bleed to earn it. That your hurt can be dismissed, but theirs must be honoured.

That is a confusing and damaging lesson.

Real forgiveness can’t be forced, and reconciliation without accountability isn’t healing — it’s suppression. When we push our kids to smooth things over too quickly, they learn to silence their own hurt, to accept half-hearted apologies, and to stay in relationships where their dignity is ignored.

Instead, we can teach them that forgiveness is theirs to choose, not ours to demand.
That boundaries and self-respect are not the opposite of kindness, but the foundation of it.
That trust is rebuilt through changed behaviour, not just words.

Our children don’t need a world that tells them to tolerate harm in the name of harmony. They need a world that shows them their feelings are valid, their safety matters, and their worth is never negotiable.

Forgiveness can be powerful, but without accountability, it becomes permission. And that’s not the story we want them to carry. ❤️

Quote Credit: ❣️

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Time to learn more about attachment injuries. It’s helpful to have language to dynamics happening in your life or others. Awareness is the first step to change and healing. 🌸

Bridal shows are so fun to attend! Love was in the air this month at the August bridal show. Looking forward to the next one Feb 15, 2026 at the Redding Civic Center!

Helpful video on attachment from childhood then onward to romantic relationships. Sue Johnson is the beloved founder of emotion focused therapy.

Love Sense: from Infant to Adult (Sue Johnson and Ed Tronick) Two experts in bonding look at key responses in love relationships.Dr. Sue Johnson : http://www.drsuejohnson.com Dr. Edward Tronick : https://www.umb.edu/aca...