The Gifted Learning Lab

Which standard parenting advice is actually working against your gifted/2e kid or teen?

If you've got a quick-witted, strong-willed, emotionally intense or sensitive gifted/2e kid or teen, you've probably noticed that a lot of the parenting advice you hear just doesn't work for them.

This quick free quiz will help you get more clarity about which common parenting advice may be backfiring, based on your kid's unique brain and body characteristics — and some new approaches you can try instead.

→ 15 quick questions, about 3 minutes
→ Which standard advice is a poor fit for your kid
→ 3 Strategy Swaps — some gifted/2e-aligned approaches to try instead

Parenting Gifted/2e Kids & Teens - What Works? A Quiz This free, short quiz will help you understand which of your kid's gifted/2e characteristics underlie challenging moments at home, and which standard parenting advice is making things worse. You'll also get 3 personalized strategy swaps - which standard advice to let go of and one gifted/2e-aligned....

Here's two more:

❌ Arguing with perfectionism.

Honestly, if hearing an adult say "Things don't have to be perfect!" was going to work....it would have already.

⭐ What to do instead: Validate their experience.

Here's what this sounds like:

"Oh no, you tried so many times, and now I bet you're exhausted and just tired of it."

"Ugh, I also get so discouraged when my drawings get completely messed up."

Their feelings will just get louder until someone actually listens to them. We can support them to take a break until they are feeling better, and then return to the hard activity later.

❌ Expecting self-advocacy to be perfect from the start

Self-advocacy may sound like arguing, refusing, or even yelling "shut up" the first time they say it. But if we get curious, there's self-advocacy begging to be heard underneath.

⭐ Try this phrase: "I see how hard this is for you, and I believe you that it's this hard." And then in a calm moment, problem-solve together about what would help them.

Twice-exceptional kids need authenticity, real validation, collaboration, and space to rest. This conversation with Dr. Danika Maddocks from goes deep into how we as providers can show up to help our 2E clients thrive.

Let us know what lands for you.

Listen by searching Born to Be Free on any major podcast player, or by visiting learnplaythrive.com/podcast

For years I called myself a wet blanket. A party pooper. A nervous Nancy.

Turns out none of that was personality. It was capacity.

Do people assume your child has a difficult personality when they're actually overwhelmed? Does thinking about capacity instead of personality shift what you see, in them or in yourself?

Comment below, I'd love to hear.

📬 Want more reframes like this delivered straight to your inbox? Comment "NOTES" to sign up for my weeklyish newsletter, Gifted Lab Notes.

Autism is often missed in gifted kids, in part because common gifted/autistic characteristics are misattributed to giftedness alone.

Why is it a problem if a gifted child’s autism is missed?

When a child’s autistic twice-exceptionality is unidentified, they often worry that they are flawed in some way - weird, awkward, too intense, irresponsible, incapable, reactive, or rude. When these kids learn that they’re autistic, it’s often easier for them to accept that there’s nothing wrong with them - that they’re just different. In fact, they learn that their different way of thinking and working has a name and a community of people like them!

So what does an autistic gifted kid look like? Act like? If not the stereotype?

🧮 Early fascination with letters or numbers
​
🧱Love of organizing and systematizing

🦕 Love of collecting items and/or information

🎯 Drive for accuracy ​

🔍 Clear idea about how they want things to go

🦄 Intense curiosity about subjects that interest them

🗣️ Advanced and formal use of language
​
🌀 Advanced ability to notice patterns and understand systems

⚡️Emotional intensity

In these slides I dive deeper into each of these traits.

If you’d like to read more about commonly-missed signs of twice-exceptionality, comment EXCEPTIONAL to read my article “Could Your Child Be Twice-Exceptional?”

In the article I cover more of these commonly missed indicators and explain why it can be liberating to discover twice-exceptionality.

Parenting in public: tips for tough conversations.

Many of us look forward to summer gatherings with a mix of longing and worry. We want to see our people. We also know new spaces and hot weather can overwhelm our kids, and we brace for the comments.

You don't have to explain anything. Not your parenting, not your child's behavior, not to anyone. You're the expert on your family, even if you're still figuring out what works.

Keep these in your back pocket: "We know what we're doing." "Now's not a good time." "I don't talk about my child in front of them."

Prepare people in advance, not in the moment. And in the tough moment itself, focus on your kid, not the audience. Your kid can feel that focus, and it calms them too.

Some people won't ever agree with how you parent. If your values are fundamentally mismatched, release the hope for understanding. Stick to clear requests, and adjust how much time you spend.

When it gets hard, remember your why. What are you giving your child that you didn't have?

Want scripts like this in your inbox? Comment "NOTES" for Gifted Lab Notes. Comment SUPPORT to learn about Support Your Intense Gifted/2e Kid — next live cohort starts in September.

Do you feel stuck in negotiations and power struggles with your twice-exceptional kid, teen, or young adult?

Do daily tasks feel like a battle or a grind?

Do you want to feel like you and your kid are on the same team instead of opposing forces?

If so, I'd love for you to join me and the Bridges 2e Center for this free webinar next Tuesday, Reduce 2e Power Struggles with Strengths-Based, Affirming Approaches.

When: Next Tuesday, August 25th, 12pm - 1pm PT

Where: Zoom (comment BRIDGES for the registration link!)

During the talk, I'll:

💪 Explain why power struggles are so common with twice-exceptional kids

🧠 Help you shift these dynamics with strengths-based, neurodivergent-affirming approaches

📝 Share powerful, practical strategies to prevent and defuse power struggles

🏡 Share real-life examples to help you apply these strategies in your family.

Sign up for this free talk at the link below.

https://pci.jotform.com/form/262225769103153

Do you feel stuck in negotiations and power struggles with your twice-exceptional kid, teen, or young adult?

Do daily tasks feel like a battle or a grind?

Do you want to feel like you and your kid are on the same team instead of opposing forces?

If so, I'd love for you to join me and the Bridges 2e Center for this free webinar next Tuesday, Reduce 2e Power Struggles with Strengths-Based, Affirming Approaches.

When: Next Tuesday, August 25th, 12pm - 1pm PT

Where: Zoom (sign up to get the link - click on the image below to sign up)

During the talk, I'll:

✅ Explain why power struggles are so common with twice-exceptional kids
✅ Help you shift these dynamics with strengths-based, neurodivergent-affirming approaches
✅ Share powerful, practical strategies to prevent and defuse power struggles
✅ Share real-life examples to help you apply these strategies in your family.

I'd love to see you there!

2e Speaker Series - Danika Maddocks Please click the link to complete this form.

Traveling with your gifted/2e kid? Save this for your next trip.

Here's what actually keeps my family sane on planes, car rides, and rental house evenings.

Travel goes best when I'm prepared with plenty of activities, games, and novelty. These are our real favorites, tested by me and my 7-year-old.

🃏 CARD GAMES FOR THE ROAD:

100 Pics decks: quiz-style cards in tons of topics (Minecraft, riddles, animals). Perfect for kids who love quizzing themselves or you.

Take 10: our every-restaurant game. We ignore the official rules and play collaboratively so everyone wins.

🦸‍♂️ TINY BUT MIGHTY:

After Dinner Amusements mini decks fit in any purse or backpack and spark conversation anywhere.

Kanoodle travel packs are gold for visual thinkers who love 3D puzzles. Kids love stumping the grownups.

👾 OFFLINE GAME APPS:

2-Player Games: Offline Games lets you play together on one device. We always let our kid win. A quick regulation boost on long travel days or while waiting for a meal.

🌍 MORE APPS MY KID LOVES:

Escape Room: Mystery Word, word puzzle escape rooms we solve together on planes.

Level Devil, a troll game full of tricks and traps that he finds hilarious.
Threes, a number-merge game with fun animations, worth the $0.99.

🔎 BEYOND GAMES:

Hoopla for free library audiobooks in the car.

Music apps so your kid can DJ (bonus game: name that song as fast as possible).

Everywhere is Q***r to find queer-owned businesses wherever you travel.

🎧 PODCASTS FOR EVERYONE:

For kids: Story Land, Greeking Out, Brains On!

For you: an earbud with your own podcast helps you stay connected to your own interests when your kid needs you close. That counts as self-care.

Want more tips like this in your inbox? Comment NOTES for Gifted Lab Notes, weekly(ish) tips for parenting intense, sensitive gifted/2e kids.

And if you feel like sharing below, I'd love to know what's your family's go-to travel game?

Autism gets missed in gifted kids all the time. Not because it isn't there, but because it rarely looks like what people expect.

Here are four reasons it slips past parents, teachers, and even professionals.

1. Most of us only know the stereotypes.

If the picture in your head is a nonverbal child who avoids eye contact, then a chatty, curious kid who makes friends won't match it. So the thought never comes up.

2. Advanced language covers a lot.

A gifted autistic kid often has a huge vocabulary and can talk circles around adults. That verbal strength can hide the parts that are genuinely hard, like reading social cues or handling a change in plans.

3. Autism still gets treated as a bad word.

When people hear "autism" and think something negative, they resist seeing it in a child they love. But a diagnosis isn't a verdict on your kid. It's a key to understanding how they're wired and what actually helps them.

4. Even professionals miss the subtle signs.

Plenty of providers were trained on the obvious presentations. The more internal, more masked version, which shows up often in gifted kids and especially in girls, can go right over their heads.

A missed diagnosis usually means a kid working twice as hard to look "fine," often at the cost of their mental health. Once we understand what's really going on, we can stop asking them to push through and start giving them what they need.

If any of this sounds like your child, you're not imagining it, and you're not alone.

Want more like this in your inbox? Comment NOTES and I'll send you the link to sign up for Gifted Lab Notes, my weekly(ish) email newsletter with practical tips for parenting intense, sensitive gifted/2e kids.

"You get what you get, and you don't get upset."

If you grew up hearing this, odds are you say it too. Most of us do. It slips out in a room full of kids when there's no time to negotiate over who got the blue marker.

But look at what it actually teaches: your feelings are an inconvenience. Push them down. Don't make them anyone else's problem.

My son and his friend came up with a better version. "You get what you get, and you CAN get upset, but you can't hit someone on the head." They went straight to the real issue. It was never about the feeling. It was about what you do with it.

Telling kids not to be upset doesn't build resilience. It teaches them to hide. And for neurodivergent kids, who often can't count on adults to read their needs without being told, learning to name a feeling and speak up isn't a nice-to-have. It's how they get through the day.

These small, everyday moments are some of the best chances we get to teach fairness and problem-solving. When kids can't all have the same thing, we can walk them through why, and help them sit with the disappointment instead of pretending it isn't there.

So here's to raising kids who get upset, name it, and figure out the next move.

Does your child hear this one at school? Tell me if they've pushed back on it or just absorbed it.

Want more like this in your inbox? Comment NOTES and I'll send you the link to sign up for Gifted Lab Notes, my weekly(ish) newsletter with practical tips for parenting intense, sensitive gifted/2e kids.