PROXY Solutions

🎉 TODAY MARKS THE ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF GERALDO FINACHI’S TERMINATION 🎉

One year ago today, Proxy Solutions said goodbye to sales legend, visionary, and noted enemy of basic economics, Geraldo Finachi.

In the months leading up to his termination, Geraldo’s sense of entitlement had expanded well beyond manageable levels. An incident of extraordinary stupidity wasn’t just possible anymore—it was inevitable.

What we eventually learned was that Geraldo had developed and executed what he would later describe as Reverse Commission.

The concept, as it was eventually explained to us, was simple: instead of our salespeople earning commission for selling products, customers would earn commission for convincing Geraldo to sell them something.

His reasoning was apparently: “The customer closes the deal, the customer gets the commission. I don’t understand what everyone’s confused about.”

The program apparently proceeded quietly for several weeks until Accounting started receiving W-9s from customers.

An emergency meeting was called, and Geraldo arrived with a PowerPoint titled “THE CUSTOMER IS THE SALESMAN: Disrupting Revenue From the Outside In.”

He was terminated before Slide 4.

To this day, Geraldo claims he dramatically reduced employee hiring costs. HR held several weeks of mandatory meetings explaining that customers are not employees. Geraldo spent those same meetings explaining that this was exactly the kind of narrow-minded thinking holding the company back.

Today we remember Geraldo not for the sales he made…but for the customers he accidentally hired.

🫡 Gone from the sales team. Never gone from Accounts Payable.

Happy one-year anniversary, Geraldo.

🚨ANOTHER BLACK GRIP UPDATE🚨

YOU HAD TO BE THERE...

Apparently our last post was so good that Facebook and Instagram decided nobody should ever see it again.

It’s gone.

Like Halley’s Comet...

The McRib...

That one time your check-engine light turned off by itself...

The one time your wife was actually on time...

And perhaps the rarest event ever recorded: someone on Facebook admitting they were wrong.

We just have to remind ourselves that true genius is rarely recognized in its own time.

Van Gogh. Tesla. Galileo. Proxy Solutions.

We don’t make the rules, and apparently we don’t understand them either.

Anyway…

Black Anodized grips ship today.

Assuming the United Nations doesn’t intervene.

🇺🇸 'Merica 250 Production Update 🇺🇸

The grips are currently at anodizing, and we're doing our best to convince them that this order should take exactly the same amount of time as all of our previous, much smaller orders.

Naturally, we sent our best negotiator, Gary.

Gary's specialties include pyramid schemes (or, as Gary calls them, "ground-floor business opportunities"), extended vehicle warranties, and negotiating impossible deadlines.

The conversation reportedly went something like this...

Anodizer: "How many grips are these?"

Gary: "All of them."

Anodizer: "How many is 'all of them?'"

Gary: "Before I answer that... how do you feel about residual income and becoming your own boss?"

The anodizer just stared at Gary in complete confusion.

Gary: "I'll be back next week to pick them up."

Gary peels out of the parking lot.

The bad news is Gary has absolutely no idea what the hell is going to happen.

The good news is every black anodized grip is already there and working its way through the process. We appreciate everyone's patience while we work through this first production run.

#2011

**Summer Production Update – Texas Edition ☀️🥵**

We've reached that magical time of year in Texas where the shop is approximately the same temperature as the surface of the sun.

To keep production moving while maintaining quality, we've made a few seasonal adjustments:

• Wearing gloves... not to protect the parts—but to keep from accidentally **hydro-dipping every grip in human sweat.**

• We've developed an unofficial rotation for standing in front of the portable A/C. Nobody agreed to it, but somehow everyone knows when it's their turn. It's currently the biggest bottleneck in production.

• We put a fan by the sandblasting station. Somehow everyone suddenly has "experience" doing sandblasting.

• Increasing our daily water intake from "recommended" to "whatever keeps our organs functioning."

• Every now and then we'll find one of the guys lying motionless on the shop floor. We'd like to blame the Texas heat... but if we're being honest, it probably has more to do with poor life choices.

The good news? Juan and the machines don't seem to mind the heat, production is still rolling, and we're making sure the only thing that leaves the shop is a quality product.

Now if you'll excuse us, it's time for another mandatory meeting in front of the A/C.

📦 Raw/Blasted Grip Kits Have Officially Shipped!

The first wave of our 'Merica 250 Raw/Blasted Grip Kits is officially on its way.

If you ordered a Raw/Blasted kit, check your email—your tracking information has been sent and your package is making its way to you.

We can't wait to see these installed. Once yours arrives, be sure to:
📸 Share photos of your build.
🏷️ Tag Proxy Solutions on Facebook or Instagram.

Thank you to everyone who supported this limited production run. We truly appreciate your business and look forward to seeing these grips out in the wild.

Black Anodized and Two-Tone orders are currently in production and remain on schedule. We'll continue posting updates as they progress.

🇺🇸 Precision is Personal.

#2011 #1911

🇺🇸 'Merica 250 PRODUCTION UPDATE 🇺🇸

The deep laser engraving is officially complete. Every star is now engraved and looking exactly how we envisioned.

Now comes the part that isn't glamorous...

🧼 Hand cleaning.
✋ Hand finishing.
🔍 Final inspection before they move on.

Shipping Update:

📦 Raw (unfinished) grip kits will begin shipping tomorrow and continue into early next week.
⚫ Black anodized and two-tone grip kits are heading to anodizing next and are expected to begin shipping in approximately 2–3 weeks.

We're in the home stretch. Thank you all for your patience and support—we're excited to get these into your hands.

#2011 #1911

🐴 FUTURE GRIP TESTING UPDATE

We couldn't help but notice that no matter how aggressive a grip texture gets, the 2011 community always seems to want just a little more grip.

Engineering Review

• Requirement: More kick than a 2011.

• Solution: Horse.

• Horse availability:
Kyle's mother-in-law's daughter's husband knows a guy.

• Horse acquired.

• Test procedure:

Kyle restrains Jed.
Jed firmly grips Proxy grip.
CJ encourages horse.
Observe results.

Findings:

Grip retention: Excellent.
Jed retention: Needs improvement.