Integro

Coming home

One of the interesting things about getting older is rediscovering parts of yourself you might have neglected since childhood.

In many ways, it's almost a return to yourself, as you reclaim aspects of your character you might have thought unlovable or not fitting a certain identity.

Most interesting. What positives have you noticed about getting older?⚘

This week

This week held quiet mornings and small victories.

I chose rest instead of pushing for more.

Every step forward, no matter how small, is still forward.

You don't have to move mountains to matter.

You just have to keep going.

Thought for the day

Introspection is only valuable when it leads to positive action or change. Otherwise gazing at one's navel for hours on end will merely give you a pain in your neck.

Whenever you think negative thoughts, asking yourself these questions helps, and it will cost nothing:

1. Is this thing I'm thinking really true?
2. Are there times it hasn't been true?
3. What could other interpretations be?
4. What would a kind friend say to me about this?

Upgrade your coping skills

Around about the late 30s or early 40s, people might notice they start to have challenges they didn't have before.

What's happening? One answer is that the coping skills you develop early in life to help you survive stop working as well.

If you used work, sport, relationships, substances like alcohol or food to distract yourself, or numb feelings, they cease to be as effective as they once were.

The task: upgrade your coping skills. They might need a refresh, more suitable for your life stage, and more reality-based. People who can do this thrive, those that can't have increasingly more problems.

Reflection

It's not morbid to reflect on the fact that we could die at any time. Might even be today. And what have we spent the day doing? Arguing with strangers on the internet? Feeling negative about our lives? Being difficult to be around?

Lift yourself and others up. 🦋

Think Well Corner

Something I've wanted to do for a long time is finally happening!

I'm launching Think Well Corner - a series of free community workshops on good thinking skills at the Wellington City Library, starting in July. These will usually be on a Saturday, times to be confirmed.

It's a chilled, one-hour session for anyone curious about how we think. It's not therapy, and not a lecture, just a small group of people exploring practical ideas together that you can actually use in your everyday life.

We kick off our first session with a topic that touches everyone:

"The Story You Tell Yourself"

Because most of us are running on a narrative we didn't consciously choose, about who we are, what we're capable of, and what's possible for us. This session introduces one simple thinking skill to start changing that.

Here's what Think Well Corner is:

→ Free. Always → Small groups (limited spaces each week) → One practical thinking skill per session → 30 mins of ideas, 30 mins of open conversation

And here's what it isn't:

→ Not a course. Not a commitment. Not intimidating.

Just come along, think a little differently, and see what shifts. Spaces are limited to keep it comfortable, so if you'd like to join us for the first session, or a future session as we advertise the topics, send me a DM or drop me a line at [email protected].

I'd love to see you there. Bring a friend. Bring a question. Bring your coffee.

The strangest dream

I had a dream the other night, one of the strangest I’ve ever had. In it, I was swimming in a beautiful midnight-blue lake, with the sun glinting off the surface.

Alongside me were tiger cubs, swimming in time with me. Yes, tiger cubs! They were swimming with me, but not really aware of me.

Floating on the surface were lovely, colourful flowers, just the blooms, bobbing along and enveloping me in beautiful fragrances.

Among the flowers were other small animals also swimming. I only remember ducks; the others I couldn’t identify, but I knew they were there.

I woke up thinking, what the heck was that? But it was one of the most peaceful dreams I’ve ever had, and the feeling of serenity was very strong.

As you can imagine, AI had a field day with what the dream symbolised, but that’s a story for another day…

Have you ever had a dream that took you by surprise and stayed with you long afterwards?

Trees

I love trees
As silent witnesses to our stories
The words they’ve heard, the sights they’ve seen
Love, war, death, new life, worn into the bark and roots
Bearing witness to our history without judgement or rebuke

One of the paths to a calm mind is to have high expectations for yourself and lower expectations for other people. Set high standards for how you behave but accept others as they are. Life goes a lot smoother that way.