Oak Tree Counselling

Gratitude is ultimately not about how much or little we have, but the story we tell ourselves about it...

https://margiewarrell.com/practice-gratitude-what-you-appreciate-appreciates/

With thanks to Dr Margie Warrell.

Margie Warrell - Practice Gratitude. What You Appreciate, Appreciates No matter how many 'blessings' you may have to count, if you’re constantly dwelling on what you don't have or don't like about your current circumstances, you’re inadvertently choosing to reside in the land of deficit.

Raising emotionally healthy kids that will live their best life...

We'd looked at the emotion sheet for months, read books about what my daughter could do when she was angry and talked at length about why hurting others with her words or hands wasn't ok.

Despite this, I found myself standing in the kitchen, once again, overhearing shrieks from the adjacent room coming from children who had lost emotional control.

I was going the 'extra mile'. Teaching my kids about their emotions and how to express them in a better way, but where was my 'reward'?

I know I'm not the only parent who wonders this, as this question gets asked of me often...

"What do I do when I've taught my child 'xyz' skills but they're not working?"

It's time to acknowledge a few hard truths about teaching little humans social and emotional skills.

> Teaching your child how to identify their emotions is different than teaching them how to tie their shoes.
> Your child's aptitudes and abilities will change with each stage of development.
> Your job isn't done until your child frontal lobe is done developing at 25.
​
Social and emotional skills are incredibly complex, right along with your child's human development.

If we're operating at our full potential, our inner world, self-understanding and emotional landscape will continue to evolve and grow as our development progresses...throughout childhood and far beyond!

All this to say, if you've been doing all the things, teaching the skills, and even striving to 'walk the talk' when it comes to coping with emotions, working through conflict and treating those around you with respect, but your child continues to act like... A CHILD...

Remember to stay the course. Keep on truckin'. Don't go throwing in that towel just yet (unless your child is 25 or older!)

Keep doing the work that shapes emotionally healthy humans, and when you least expect it, you'll hear your 6 year old working out a plan for sharing the new blue truck with their brother, or see your daughter getting picked on at the park only to stand up for herself confidently and then calmly walk away.

Shaping humans is a long-term game full of ebbs, flows and 'oh heck no's'! 😲🥴🙃

Keep your eyes on the prize.

With thanks to;
​
Angela Pruess LMFT
Child Therapist, Parents with Confidence

How to thrive under pressure...

https://margiewarrell.com/how-to-thrive-under-pressure/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=do_you_need_to_take_a_sacred_pause_name&utm_term=2021-11-03

With thanks to Margie Warrell.

Margie Warrell - How To Thrive Under Pressure Five practical ways you can stay calm, cool and collected under pressure... at least most of the time!

"Want To Raise A Successful Kid? Let Them Fail' clinical psychologist Dr Stephanie O'Leary outlines five benefits kids experience from failure...

Want to Raise Successful Kids? Let Them Fail A clinical psychologist explains how playing the role of parental protector sabotages kids' ability to soar as adults.

Live The Life You Have, Not The One You Want...

https://margiewarrell.com/live-the-life-you-have-not-the-one-you-want/

With thanks to Margie Warrell.

Margie Warrell - Live The Life You Have, Not The One You Want “In an ideal world we’d all be back in the office in September,” a client said to me last week, bemoaning the disruption the Delta variant has created for ‘back to office’ plans. Of course in ‘an ideal world’, we’d not have had this pandemic to begin with.In an ideal world… How man...

Are they really OK? Start a conversation today, it could change a life...

A conversation could change a life | R U OK? R U OK? is a su***de prevention charity in Australia, encouraging all of us to notice the signs of mental health struggle in friends, family, and colleagues, and start meaningful conversations that offer support and care to those in need. A conversation can change a life.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-08-20/burnout-symptoms-to-look-out-for/100392342

One common factor leaves some predisposed to burnout Rates of burnout appear to be rising because of the pandemic. There is research underway to determine how to best identify and manage it, write Gabriela Tavella and Gordon Parker.

The sleepover issue ….

We had a sleepover at my house last week (pre lockdown!)

Taylor Swift was playing. Chocolate was being eaten. And last Friday there were three 12 year old girls downstairs having a slumber party at my house! And smartphones? Well, they were in this basket in my kitchen.

When my daughter had two friends to sleepover last week, I texted the parents in advance and said

"I’m pretty strict. So I’ll be asking the girls to leave their smartphones in a basket in my kitchen which they can access at anytime to call you. But I know from the work I do how easily devices can derail sleepovers!"

The parents were fine with it and I think it’s important that I told them in advance. The girls were also totally fine with it. Once they were asleep, I moved the devices into my bedroom. (I also told the parents who would be home during the sleepover — an important tip I learned from Caroline Ellen who you’ll read more about below).

I feel like I have a duty of care to the kids who come to my house and I know from the work I do in schools (and with the Lighthouse Plan) how devices can derail sleepovers. Kids can go into chatrooms, search for inappropriate content, take photos of each other (however innocent) and send them to other people and start messaging people who are NOT at the sleepover to (sometimes deliberately) make them aware of what they’re missing.

Nothing good comes out of devices at sleepovers, in my opinion.

And it only takes one or two kids at a party to be on phones for the whole vibe to change.

Kids have notoriously bad judgement. Case in point: a friend’s 12 year old son had a mate over after soccer. They were getting changed when one boy snapped a photo of his mate with his shirt off and uploaded it to Insta. Within minutes that photo was being shared around the class and the kids were teasing him that he had ‘man boobs’. He was in tears and felt humiliated. Even once the photo was taken down it had still be screenshot and shared around. And if I had a dollar for every sleepover where primary school kids searched for p**n leaving at least one child feeling traumatised — I’d be writing this from a hammock in the Seychelles.

If you think the phones-in-the-basket idea still holds too much temptation, you can use an InCharge Box which is the world’s first lockable charging station (I have one of these and it’s AWESOME! Also good for locking away chocolate!!)

And the person who has taught me the most about sleepovers is social worker Caroline Ellen who runs Safer Stronger Kids. She has a free Six Steps To A Safer Sleepover book and video series.

That’s it from me this week (in lockdown).
Bec

With thanks to Rebecca Sparrow
[email protected]

“If I had my child to raise over again, ​
​I’d finger paint more, and point the finger less. ​
​I would do less correcting, and more connecting. ​
​I’d take my eyes off my watch, ​
​and watch with my eyes… ​
​I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play. ​
​I would run through more fields, ​
​and gaze at more stars. ​
​I’d do more hugging, and less tugging…​
​I would be firm less often, and affirm much more. ​
​I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later. ​
​I’d teach less about the love or power, ​
​And more about the power of love.”

Diana Loomans
With thanks to Angela at Parents with Confidence.

Wishing you a peaceful and wonderful 2021!

Christmas Holiday Opening Hours

Our final day in the office is Saturday the 19th of December, reopening on Monday the 4th of January.

Our online booking service will be open 24/7 over the break.
To see our availability for January, click on the ‘Book Now’ button on website www.oaktreecounselling.com.au

If you feel you can't wait until then, please contact your GP, or Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7).
If it's an emergency visit your local ER or call 000 for an ambulance.

Wishing you all a safe, peaceful and restful holiday season.

The Team at Oak Tree Counselling

Relationships are our passion! Couples counselling experts. Point Cook Town Centre. Kind, experienced, practical counselling for couples and individuals. Any issue welcome. Book online.

7 tips to overcome Christmas dramas post-separation...

https://www.bubhub.com.au/hubbub-blog/7-tips-to-overcome-christmas-dramas-post-separation/

With thanks to Anju Regis and the bubhub.

7 tips to overcome Christmas dramas post-separation This time of year can be bittersweet ...