the.jake.strain

I don't post often - my relationship with my phone and social media has changed a lot for the better.

Many of my friends know I have a passion for mental health. What I don't talk about much is that is comes from my own suffering, I think.

Ego is kinda funny that way - you sometimes fly blind to WHY you love a subject.

For me that means that what might be painfully obvious to others - that I have struggles with being sensetive mentally - is not a cornerstone in my personal narrative.

I don't reject it, but I also have not acknowledged it much. Anyway, the point is that my relationship with social media has changed.

I went through a weird cycle over the past 6 years.

Beginning - fearless and craved feeling special. Social media is great for that.

Middle - self hatred for wanting to feel special. Shame. Mental blocks. Rejection of self and of society

Current - dismantled the shame. Acceptance that feeling special can serve us when understood, recognizing the fundamental nature of social media - it's a slot machine in our pocket meant to hook us with variable ratio rewards.

Future path - social media is a fun platform to share cool stuff, show off your progress and achievements, have some laughs but probably shouldn't be a big part of your life for a lot of reasons.

Social reasons. Physiological reasons. A bunch of valid reasons that would take a small book to talk about.

So right now im posting an achievement that matter to me

Im 237lbs , I have some abs rn and I have been off gear cycles for almost 5 months now.

My brain and body feel shaper and healthier currently than they have over the past 5 to 7 years. I'm out of the comparison rabit hole that often comes with blasting and getting huge.

I'm pretty happy with this.

Do I feel the pull to take a f**k ton of s**t sometimes. Yehhhhhh buddy ( IYKYK )

It's like Darth Vader asking me to come back haha. Big gear cycles aren't morally wrong, they just have a cost i struggle with paying on a physical and mental level.

Some people can handle that cost really well. Their mind doesn't break down and spiral, and their body feels good.

Im out of text. Hope you understand. Talk next time.

Who said nerds can't be jacked??

Pretty sure most of us gamers were inspired by anime and ridiculously OP main characters. Is it any wonder we like being muscular?? Lol

My takeaways so far this year -

you have one life. Do epic s**t if you want to.

Most people are dumb. That's okay

Very few things are actually worth stressing about. If you find yourself constantly upset or caught in some bulls**t, go get another job. Your not miserable, you have too much f**kin time on your hands.

Watch your screen time. I hit less than 30min total last week for social media. It feels incredible. My brain is thanking me. Try it

Read some f**king BOOKS. I feel prehistoric over here with my 500+ book library.

Genuinely we live in one of the greatest times to be alive - opportunities are EVERYWHERE. It's incredible

If you feel that this time is one of the worst? Get off your phone. Look at the real world around you and ACTUALLY TRY. Stop ruminating and doomscrolling.

It's f**king your brain up.

Anyway, that's my brain dump for today

Feeling like a DPS class rather than a Tank rn lol

I don't remember the last time I did a post like this, with a selfie as the primary component.

Feels odd haha

However, I have been in a deficit for a few weeks now and I am seeing some cool changes! Now, I don't feel very strong at the moment but that’s okay. I use moments like these where I am happy with the aesthetic shift to keep my spirits a bit more elevated when my performance is not top notch.

Something that is a really big deal for me, is that I have been off of major anabolic cycles for many many months now.

As many of you know, I am fully transparent about the fact that I currently use performance enhancers ( Testosterone ) and have used multi - compound cycles in the past during push phases where the goal is to add muscle tissue and progress bodyweight up.

That being said, at the moment I am on 300mg of Testosterone ( which is a GENEROUS maintenance dosage ) and I feel pretty darn good.

Just like anyone else, if I miss workouts and sleep like crap, I don't bust PRs amd feel grumpy. However, when things are a solid 8/10 on training volume, frequency, sleep, and energy balance ( viewed as a whole ), I am making slow progress relative to the exercise selection.

Have I been bigger?

Oh yeah.

Does it mess with me?

Yep.

Every damn day.

And that's the heart of what I want to say today. I am learning how to be grateful for health and progression in other ways. I know I still have a build that is considered exceptional by general standards. That doesn't do much when you have an inner ideal that always looks back at you, reminding you that you aren't enough.

BUT

Awareness is critical. I am a lucky man in that i have the ability to do this thing we call resistance training. I can go on walks. I have a market with whole foods and can keep myself nourished.

I have the CHOICE to lose bodyfat and will and not die from missing a meal or caloric reduction.

I am saying this for myself and perhaps for anyone else who may struggle when they are not at their best.

Gratitude is hard. So social pressure is hard. It's all good. I think it's supposed to be that way.

Not sorry. Jacked nerds are unstoppable

I can feel my stength and consistitution on the rise again.

Feels great

Let's go team.

If any of you have any questions about these exercises, why I chose them, or the language I use. Message me. I know many that are coming to this page may be new to the gym/training world.

My Fav Bicep Exercises

1. Single Arm Baysian Curls

2. Single Arm Preacher Curl Machine or dumbbell

3. Standing Alternating machine or dumbbell curl

4. Hammer Curls

Im not here to talk about "optimal" this or that. I like these exercises. They feel good and I can progress them well over time.

Don't overcomplicate s**t. Do the important stuff, do it for a long time and you will get bigger.

Hope this helps

Pleased but never satisfied

238.6lbs and slowly climbing.

I am in the midst of great personal change. Internal and external both!

Immersing myself in philosophy, habit science, and business tactics, my inner world is breaking and building constantly.

I will simply say this. I am uncomfortable every day.

Every. Fu***ng day.

My mind.

My body.

My spirit.

They all ache from growth and change! Expansion and construction on deep levels requires energy and sacrifice. I am willing and currently paying ahead, the price for who I want to become...

I turn 30 tomorrow

People say this is a big day! I can see why

Let this be a bookmark. A new entry into a new chapter in a new book.

A book about the man I aspire to be and have finally built the foundation for, so that I might begin constructing the rest of me.

At 29 my takeaway was " your new life will cost you your old one "

It did - I have grieved for my old life. I am grieving still for my old self. Death does not always have to be actual, to feel loss. In times of great change, you die to the axe of perspective and wisdom. I do this knowingly and am grateful for it.

My new life and self is worth it

So I can say - 29 has been about death and rebirth.

I hesitate to title 30 before it has played out in time and space. For a book's name should not define it's story, quite the opposite in fact.

So I simply wonder with wonderment and think with thoughtfulness, what might 30 bring?

We shall see won't we?

Some may call me greedy - for I want it all. I desire physical mastery, emotional and mental flexibility, financial freedom, spiritual peace, and romantic love.

I am in pursuit of what I call a " good life "

One worth living

A life where I have worked hard to develop skills that not only serve myself but also serve others and help me leave a legacy of kindness, connection and personal mastery.

So when I hear " you can't have it all "...

I say bulls**t

Do what you want, work hard, be kind, give back and if you can, help reduce the suffering of others.