Dustin Shultz, MFT
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This page is about mental health, spirituality, well-being, therapy and how to live a full life. Dustin (Dusty) Shultz, M.A.
is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and adjunct faculty at Azusa Pacific University. He is passionate about helping people develop into healthy and whole individuals who seek to embrace life. Dusty is known for his warm personality and his gentle way of bringing insight and wisdom to each person. He works in a relational and collaborative way, respecting each person's unique experience of
In most relationships, the pattern doesn’t happen during the big moments.
It happens in the small ones.
The pause.
The shift in tone.
The urge to defend or shut down.
Those moments tend to move quickly, and most of us react without thinking.
But change often starts in a different place.
Not by saying the perfect thing.
But by noticing the moment you want to leave… and staying just a little longer.
That’s where something new can begin.
03/25/2026
Learning to Stay When It Would Be Easier to Pull AwayDustin Shultz
Learning to Stay in Conflict | How to Stop Pulling Away in Relationships — Dustin Shultz Counseling Struggling to stay present during conflict? This post explores why we pull away in difficult moments, how past experiences shape our reactions, and what it takes to remain emotionally present and connected in relationships.
Some apologies don’t resolve the moment.
They reset it.
There’s just enough acknowledgment to soften things, but not enough understanding or change for the pattern to shift.
Over time, that can create a confusing experience.
You’re not imagining the hurt.
And you’re not imagining the moments when things feel okay again either.
It’s both.
And that “both” is what keeps people stuck longer than they expect.
Understanding the difference between relief and repair can change how you see the relationship.
03/20/2026
Many people think repair is about apologizing.
But in relationships, repair is less about the words and more about whether the other person feels understood.
When someone is hurt, they’re not just listening for what you meant.
They’re listening for whether you can recognize the impact.
That’s what allows the moment to settle.
That’s what rebuilds connection.
A lot of people think repair is about apologizing.
But most of the time, the issue isn’t whether someone said “I’m sorry.”
It’s whether the other person felt understood.
When someone is hurt, they’re not just listening for intention.
They’re listening for impact.
Without that, apologies can feel incomplete, even if they’re sincere.
Repair isn’t about getting it perfect.
It’s about being willing to stay present long enough to understand what the moment was like for the other person.
That’s what rebuilds trust.
03/18/2026
Why Repair Feels So Hard in RelationshipsDustin Shultz
Why Saying “I’m Sorry” Isn’t Enough | How Repair Actually Works in Relationships — Dustin Shultz Counseling Struggling to feel better even after an apology? This post explores why repair can feel so difficult in relationships, how past experiences shape our reactions, and what actually helps rebuild connection and trust.
03/13/2026
Many couples end up stuck in a pattern where the more one partner pushes for connection, the more the other pulls away.
Over time, one person starts feeling desperate to be heard, while the other feels increasingly overwhelmed.
From the outside it can look like one person cares too much and the other doesn’t care enough.
But most of the time, both partners are reacting to emotional threat in different ways.
Understanding the pattern is often the first step toward changing it.
Couples often come into therapy believing one person is “too much” and the other person “doesn’t care enough.”
But many relationships fall into a predictable pattern where the more one partner pushes for connection, the more the other partner pulls away.
One person is trying to restore closeness.
The other is trying to manage emotional overwhelm.
Neither response is wrong.
But the pattern can leave both people feeling alone.
Understanding the pattern is often the first step toward changing it.
03/09/2026
When One Person Pushes and the Other Pulls AwayDustin Shultz
Why One Partner Pushes and the Other Pulls Away | Understanding Relationship Patterns — Dustin Shultz Counseling Many couples experience the pattern where one partner pushes for connection while the other pulls away. This post explores why this dynamic happens, how past relational experiences shape our reactions, and how understanding the pattern can help couples move toward greater connection.
03/08/2026
Most couples think they’re arguing about the surface issue.
Tone. Timing. Who said what.
But often the conflict starts earlier — the moment someone risks being vulnerable.
One person reaches for closeness. The other feels exposed. Defensiveness shows up, distance grows, and suddenly it looks like a communication problem.
Underneath many of these moments is something much more human: the fear of being seen and getting hurt.
When vulnerability once led to shame, criticism, or feeling like you were too much, closeness can feel threatening even when you want it.
That’s not overreacting.
That’s protection.
03/07/2026
This morning I had the privilege of facilitating a space for a group of men to pause and reflect together after a difficult experience.
Moments like these remind me how much of an honor it is to walk alongside people in some of the most painful and challenging parts of their lives.
I’m constantly humbled by the courage it takes for people to show up, speak honestly, and support one another when things are hard.
Time and time again, I’m reminded how resilient people are, and how powerful it can be when no one has to carry difficult experiences alone.
You don’t sabotage intimacy because you don’t care.
You sabotage it because closeness once cost you something.
Most couples don’t realize they’re fighting about vulnerability.
They think they’re fighting about tone. Or timing. Or who started it.
But underneath?
Exposure.
If you feel this pattern, it’s not a character flaw.
It’s a nervous system doing its job a little too well.
If you’re ready to understand the pattern instead of repeating it, that’s where therapy helps.
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