Embodied Acceptance

Conflict itself isn’t necessarily what destroys connection.
It’s what happens when hurt goes unrepaired, again and again.
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When we don’t know how to repair, hurt can accumulate into resentment, guardedness, distance, and disconnection.
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And many of us were simply never taught how to come back together after something has gone wrong.
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That’s why Lara and I created The Art of Fighting Well: How to Navigate Conflict in a Way That Deepens Trust and Connection.
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In this live, experiential workshop, we’ll explore and practice how to:
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✨ Recognize the protective responses that show up during conflict
✨ Stay connected when you’re hurt, angry, overwhelmed, or activated
✨ Communicate what’s underneath the conflict
✨ Understand the impact you’ve had on another person
✨ Move through rupture without getting stuck in blame or who was right
✨ Create the conditions for genuine repair and reconnection
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Because repair isn’t about deciding who was right.
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It’s about slowing down enough to ask:
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What happened?
What was impacted?
What is needed now?
What might help restore connection?
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And when we learn how to do that, conflict doesn’t have to move us further apart. The way we repair can actually deepen a relationship.
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This workshop isn’t only for couples. These skills matter in romantic relationships, friendships, families, work relationships, creative collaborations, and communities.
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Come with someone or come on your own.
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Link in bio to reserve your spot.
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Consent doesn’t end after “yes.”

When people think about consent, they often picture a single moment.

A question.
An answer.
A green light.

But healthy sexual experiences rarely work that way.

Desire isn’t static. Comfort isn’t static. Arousal isn’t static.

What feels exciting at one moment can feel like too much a few minutes later. And something that doesn’t feel right at the beginning may become exactly what someone wants once trust, connection, and arousal have had time to build.

That’s why consent isn’t just about getting permission. It’s about staying connected.

Some people appreciate verbal check-ins throughout intimacy.
Others find too many questions interrupt their arousal and would rather their partner stay present, pay attention, and check in verbally when something feels uncertain.

Neither approach is inherently better.

The important part is knowing what works for you and your partner, and remembering that either person can slow down, stop, or change their mind at any time.

The deeper skill isn’t simply knowing when to ask.

It’s learning how to stay connected.

Can you notice when your partner’s breathing deepens?
When they lean in?
When their body softens?

Can you also notice when they tense up…
Pull away…
Hold their breath…
Or become less responsive?

Words are an important part of consent.
Body language is too.

One doesn’t replace the other. The goal is to become skilled at listening to both.

Sometimes the most caring thing you can do is keep going.
Sometimes it’s slowing down.
And sometimes it’s simply asking,
“How does this feel?”

Consent isn’t a hurdle to clear before the fun begins.

It’s an ongoing conversation.
A practice of paying attention.
A dance of staying present with another human being.

Ironically, it’s often this kind of presence that creates the safety needed for desire to deepen.

If you’d like to build more confidence navigating intimacy, communicating your desires and boundaries, or creating deeper connection in your relationships, I’d love to help.

Send me a DM or book a free discovery call through the link in my bio.

I matched with someone recently and his first message was:

“Good morning 😍 How was your night?”

And I noticed myself thinking: I am so tired of answering this question.

Not because there’s anything wrong with it. It’s perfectly pleasant.

But after enough time on dating apps, I’ve realized how exhausting it can feel to constantly be handed a conversation and then have to figure out how to make it interesting.

So this time I simply answered:

“My night was good 😊”

That’s it.

No “How was yours?” No new question to keep the conversation moving.

Not as a game. Not to test him. I simply answered the question he asked and left some room for him to show me what he wanted to do next.

And it got me thinking about dating-app openers.

If you’re going to message someone, give them something to work with.

“Hey, how are you?”
“How was your night?”
“How’s your day going?”

There’s nothing wrong with these questions. But they put most of the conversational work on the person receiving them.

You don’t need a brilliant pickup line. You don’t need to perform or impress.

Just show a little curiosity.

Look at their profile. What caught your attention? What made you want to match with them? Is there something they wrote that you genuinely want to know more about?

Instead of:

“How was your weekend?”

Try:

“I saw you’re into live music. What’s a concert you still talk about?”

Instead of:

“Good morning beautiful.”

Try:

“Okay, I need the story behind that photo…”

Give them a thread they can actually pick up.

And if you send “How was your night?” and they respond, “It was good 😊,” don’t necessarily assume they’re not interested.

They answered your question.

Now it’s your turn to bring something to the conversation.

And this isn’t a gendered thing. We can all do it.

Connection is something we create with each other. And dating becomes a whole lot less exhausting when neither person is doing both people’s share of the connecting.

If dating has you questioning how much to pursue, how much to hold back, or how to create more reciprocal connections, click the link in my bio Odelia Shargian, RSMT/E, SEP®, Somatica® Practitioner to book a discovery call.

I matched with someone recently and his first message was:

“Good morning 😍 How was your night?”

And I noticed myself thinking: I am so tired of answering this question.

Not because there’s anything wrong with it. It’s perfectly pleasant.

But after enough time on dating apps, I’ve realized how exhausting it can feel to constantly be handed a conversation and then have to figure out how to make it interesting.

So this time I simply answered:

“My night was good 😊”

That’s it.

No “How was yours?” No new question to keep the conversation moving.

Not as a game. Not to test him. I simply answered the question he asked and left some room for him to show me what he wanted to do next.

And it got me thinking about dating-app openers.

If you’re going to message someone, give them something to work with.

“Hey, how are you?”
“How was your night?”
“How’s your day going?”

There’s nothing wrong with these questions. But they put most of the conversational work on the person receiving them.

You don’t need a brilliant pickup line. You don’t need to perform or impress.

Just show a little curiosity.

Look at their profile. What caught your attention? What made you want to match with them? Is there something they wrote that you genuinely want to know more about?

Instead of:

“How was your weekend?”

Try:

“I saw you’re into live music. What’s a concert you still talk about?”

Instead of:

“Good morning beautiful.”

Try:

“Okay, I need the story behind that photo…”

Give them a thread they can actually pick up.

And if you send “How was your night?” and they respond, “It was good 😊,” don’t necessarily assume they’re not interested.

They answered your question.

Now it’s your turn to bring something to the conversation.

And this isn’t a gendered thing. We can all do it.

Connection is something we create with each other. And dating becomes a whole lot less exhausting when neither person is doing both people’s share of the connecting.

If dating has you questioning how much to pursue, how much to hold back, or how to create more reciprocal connections, click the link in my bio to book a discovery call.

One of the most common pieces of secs advice people receive is to focus on their partner’s pleasure.

Pay attention to their reactions.
Learn what they like.
Be generous.
Be attentive.

All of that matters.

But I’ve noticed that many people take this advice so far that they lose touch with their own desire.

Instead of enjoying their partner, they’re monitoring them.
Instead of feeling turned on, they’re trying to perform.
Instead of expressing desire, they’re managing an experience.

The result is often a strange paradox.
The touch may be technically good.
But it doesn’t always feel alive.

Because what many of us are actually longing for isn’t just touch.

We want to feel desired.

Feeling desired is one of the most powerful erotic experiences we can have. We want to feel chosen. Wanted. Captivated.

Think about some of the most memorable sexual experiences you’ve had.

Was it because the other person had flawless technique?
Or was it because you could feel how much they wanted you?

This is why I sometimes guide clients through a Somatica exercise called Touching for Your Own Pleasure.

When people first hear that name, they often assume it’s selfish.

But the exercise points to something important:
When you’re entirely focused on pleasing your partner, it’s easy to become disconnected from your own experience.

Touching for your own pleasure invites you to ask:
What do I enjoy about touching this person?

When your touch comes from genuine enjoyment, because you’re savoring their skin, their body, their presence, your touch carries something technique alone can’t provide:

Desire.

And desire is contagious.
Sometimes the most meaningful gift you can offer your partner isn’t perfect touch.
It’s letting them feel how much you want them.

✨ Many of my clients come to me because they know how to take care of everyone else, but struggle to stay connected to their own pleasure and desire.

If that sounds familiar, I’d love to help. Send me a DM or book a discovery call through the link in my bio

I’ve been noticing this in myself lately.

Sometimes the vulnerable part of dating isn’t wondering whether someone likes me.

It’s letting them know that I like them.

Because once I’ve shown interest, I can feel that little wave of anxiety:

Did I show too much?
Was I too available?
Should I pull back now?

I think many of us have absorbed the idea that desire needs uncertainty to survive.

That being slightly unavailable keeps someone interested. That if they know we want them, we somehow lose our power.

But I’m becoming more interested in a different question:

What if the goal isn’t to become better at managing someone else’s desire?

What if the goal is to discover whether their desire can coexist with mine?

Because if someone loses interest when they discover that I like them, want to see them again, or would welcome more closeness, that tells me something.

It doesn’t necessarily mean I showed too much.

It tells me something about what happens when desire becomes mutual.

There’s a difference between chasing someone and allowing yourself to be known.

Secure relating doesn’t require pretending we care less than we do.

It asks:
Can I let you know that I want you, and stay connected to myself while I find out what you do with that information?

If you find yourself constantly trying to figure out how much interest is “too much,” I’d love to help you explore another way of relating.

Click the link in my bio to book a discovery call.

One of the most common mistakes I see in the bedroom has nothing to do with technique.

It’s timing.

For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me because I could want secs, be attracted to my partner, and still not feel ready for direct ge***al touch.

What I’ve learned, both through my own experience and through my work with clients, is that desire and arousal don’t happen at the same speed.

For many women, arousal begins long before the ge***als are ready to be touched.
The nervous system needs time to transition out of thinking, planning, caretaking, and stress and into pleasure.

That transition often happens through eye contact.
Flirtation.
Kissing.
Affection.
Feeling desired.
Touch on the neck, shoulders, back, hips, and thighs.

The whole body is part of the erotic system.

So before you touch her there, spend some time somewhere else.

Not as a technique.
Not as a checklist.
But as a way of helping her body arrive.

And here’s the part most people miss:
Men often need this too.

An er****on and deep arousal are not the same thing.
Many of the er****on and or**sm challenges I see come from rushing toward pe*******on or or**sm instead of allowing pleasure to build.

The nervous system doesn’t usually open under pressure.
It opens through safety, presence, connection, curiosity, and enjoyment.

What we call foreplay isn’t really preparation for secs.
It is secs.

The next time you’re tempted to rush, stay a little longer with the kiss.
Stay a little longer with the touch.

Let the whole body wake up before focusing on the ge***als.

You may discover that the pleasure you’ve been looking for was never at the finish line.
It was in the warm-up all along.

✨ If you’d like support creating a more connected, pleasurable, and satisfying secs life, I help individuals and couples move beyond performance and reconnect with pleasure, desire, and authentic intimacy. Send me a DM or book a free consultation through the link in my bio