Loving Out Loud

In polyamory, the fear of abandonment can be especially heightened, whether it’s your partner forming a new connection, growing more deeply enmeshed with someone else, or even you choosing to open your relationship and wondering what that might mean for your sense of home and family. For many of us, that fear isn’t just about this moment; it’s somatic, living in the body from childhood experiences of being left, overlooked, or not chosen. Sometimes it’s deepened by past intimate partners who made us feel disposable or unsafe. You’re not broken for feeling this. Your body is responding to a very real history of hurt. Healing doesn’t come from logic alone, it comes from gentleness, from co-regulation, from practicing safety in our relationships over and over again. You’re allowed to name your fear and still be loved through it. ⭐️ Follow us for more polyamory content through a decolonizing lens 🌿 Struggling with fear of abandonment in polyamory? You’re not alone. Whether it’s a partner getting closer to someone new or navigating what openness means for your family, we’re here to help. 💕 Book a 1:1 peer coaching session today, let’s build the skills to support you and your partners with confidence! ✨ Link in bio. 💖 Use our Relationship Agreement Generator to set clear boundaries and build trust in your polycule. #Polyamorous #polyamory #nonmonogamy #openrelationship #relationshipgoals

From a personal friend… who wishes to stay anonymous. This is her story:

I have a ton of friends talking politics right now, rightfully so. I wanted to share my own story, relating to Amendment 3, because Missouri's legislation genuinely almost led to my death.

As many of you recall, Roe v Wade was overturned in June of 2022. In May of 2022, I took a test and found out that I was pregnant. I was with a partner whom I loved dearly and we were eager to welcome our little one into the world, though surprised by the circumstances, as I'd been on birth control.

June 29th, 2022, while I was at work, I felt a sudden, sharp pain in my side, which I tried to work through, given that I had about 8 hours left in my shift. About an hour after the pain started, I fainted, and one of my coworkers called an ambulance. At the hospital, I was quickly diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. For those whom have no medical background or personal experience with this, I'll explain: an ectopic pregnancy is one in which the fertilized egg does not travel to the uterus before implanting and beginning to grow. Most commonly, it lodges in the fallopian tubes, but technically, an ectopic pregnancy can occur anywhere outside the womb. The human body CANNOT support this fertilized egg to the point of viability (or survivability outside of the mother), under ANY circumstances and every single milimeter that the zygote (because it is too early to be considered a fetus) continues to grow endangers the mother's life.

While at the hospital, I spoke with multiple doctors, and was encouraged to drive out of state to receive the standard treatment for an ectopic pregnancy at this stage, a D&C, as the doctors in Missouri legally could not perform it on me, due to Missouri legislation. I was told that if my body failed to pass the pregnancy successfully on its own, and I had a complete rupture, due to the position of the pregnancy, it could very likely lead to my death, however they could do nothing. I inquired about an emergency hysterectomy, and even that was not an option, as it would still be seen under Missouri legislation as an elective abortion. Going out of state and paying out of pocket for emergency healthcare was not an option for me. I told the doctors this, and they decided to try MULTIPLE rounds of high dose chemo to try to slow the growth of the pregnancy, and theoretically induce a loss.

After two months of multiple rounds of these chemo treatments, which affected my lifelong health, the worst case scenario happened, anyways, and the pregnancy ruptured, taking an o***y with it and leading to an emergency surgery that left me unable to ever have children again. I very nearly died from the amount of blood I lost, and I now have hormonal issues, and will, for the rest of my life, as my remaining o***y doesn't produce enough hormones for my body on its own. Why? Because legislation prevented me from receiving the healthcare I desperately needed.

I urge you to understand that abortion is not just about murdering babies. I understand that it happens sometimes, and you know what? If we're all honest with each other? We will never be able to ban all abortions, only the safe ones. What you are restricting is the people having medical emergencies from receiving the life-saving care that they don't want, but desperately need. The idea that prohibiting access to this is "protecting women" is outrageous. If you ACTUALLY want to protect women, you need to vote YES.

And no, I won't be hosting your arguments in my comments.

RIP Bob Newhart. This was one of my favorite skits…

Stop It - Bob Newhart For more information visit: https://mindsetrevolution.org. This simple sketch is both funny and informative. My coaching is a little more nuanced that this, ...

Polyamory Is On The Rise And Society Should Be More Accommodating, Research Argues A new book argues that more needs to be done to support consensual non-monogamous relationships.

Contrary to popular belief open relationships have a much lower divorce rate than monogamous ones. That's because cheating is one of the leading causes of breakups. We don't avoid temptation, we look at it soberly. Our ongoing 12 year relationship is made possible due to radical honesty and direct communication. Truthfully who really has never been attracted to anyone else but their current partner? You really think multiple people won't come across your path that you won't connect with in deep transformative ways? And if you really love someone, wouldn't you want them to live a full-life as much as possible? Possessiveness is cowardice. It's much better to let them go out there; see if they honor your relationship when the bars of the cage are let down.
I love that he always comes back to me by choice, no matter who he dates. That's real love.
I have a theory that open relationships last longer because passion is constantly reignited, as you're not with them as often as in a traditional monogamous nesting relationship. Nick lives between me and his girlfriend. He also travels abroad a lot. So whenever I see him, our time isn't taken for granted, and there are so many exciting stories we can relay to each other. He's truly my best-friend.
Also if you're constantly dating new people, you gotta maintain yourself. Monogamous people tend to let go of themselves after finding their spouses because they feel there is no point further. While we believe your sexual evolution doesn't stop at 30. Domesticity does lower testosterone. Which is why sometimes people cheat; they want to rejuvenate themselves. But that quick fix leads to long term issues. Non-monogamy is the ability to have the best of both worlds. Our long term partnerships ensure secure attachment oxytocin, but because we're not nested nor locked into a routine we are not boring out our dopamine, serotonin and testosterone levels. That's the secret to 12 years of a passionate love affair.
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