Honestly.Stephanie

No one talks about what that does to you.

Not just in the moment…but over time.

When the person you love becomes the voice that slowly rewrites how you see yourself.

They don’t just hurt you.
They confuse you.
You start to question everything.

Because it’s not always yelling or chaos;�sometimes it’s the person who says they love you looking you in the eyes and telling you they don’t like you.

And then convincing you it’s your fault.

“If you communicated better…”�“If you were softer…”�“If you didn’t trigger me…”

So you try harder.�You shrink more.�You question yourself constantly.

Until one day you don’t trust your own instincts at all.

That’s how emotional manipulation works.

It doesn’t just break your heart; it breaks your sense of self.

And without realizing it your trust shifts from yourself 👉🏻 to them.

That’s how the confusion happens.�That’s how you stay.

Not because you’re weak; but because your self-worth is being chipped away in real time.

So if you’ve ever asked yourself,�“Why didn’t I see it sooner?”
This is why.

When your voice has been quieted long enough, you forget it was ever there.

But here’s the truth:

You were never the problem you were made to believe you were.

And learning to trust yourself again?�That’s where healing begins.

Keep speaking up until your voice no longer shakes,
💜 Stephanie

PS) unlearning the lies and relearning the truth of who you are takes time; don’t be too hard on yourself if your self esteem and self worth don’t just magically bounce back. One of the best ways to fast track your healing process is to dive into who God says you are; you’ll find no deeper, sweeter, or stronger truth. Psalm 139 (start here 🫶🏻)

Healing from complex, long-term trauma exposure is weird. And I don’t hear a lot of people talking about this, so let’s go there…

You can heal. You can work on forgiving, forgetting, moving on…

You can take all the right steps; go to therapy, not harbor bitterness, adjust to your new life, accept your story…

And yet it’s there, lingering in the shadows, lurking in the background.

Because even things my mind forgot, or desperately wants to forget, my body remembers.

And the memories can be triggered at the strangest of times.

What a lot of people don’t tell you, is that trauma leaves an imprint on your body and soul. And while the mind may be fuzzy on the details, the body can remind you of the specifics.

Seasons, events, special occasions, words, situations, experiences, can cause:
Tension in your body
Heightened emotions
The reliving of old wounds
Unexpected triggers
Anxiety
Insomnia
Panic attacks
Digestion issues
Etc

And the worst part is, it’s not that you’re purposely TRYING to relive old trauma; but if you didn’t have the opportunity to process is appropriately the first time (which is most likely the case), then it becomes a stored trauma in your body. Muscle memory kicks into high gear because your body and mind KNOW what happened this time last year. Or the last time your whole family gathered for an event, or whatever the trigger ends up being.

This is where I’m at. I’m coming up on the anniversary of some painful events that I haven’t relived the timeline for yet and my body wants to go back to that trauma state. It’s hard, it’s exhausting, it hurts…and it’s part of the process.

So if you’ve ever found yourself in a more disregulated state, take a moment to pause. Check in with yourself; is there something from your past that your body is holding onto that needs to be processed?

I shared some of the things I do to process my experiences and also help ease any symptoms I’m having in the comments; feel free to add what works for you for inspiration for others!

With quiet hope,
💜 Stephanie

PS) triggers may need more than just one time of release; they may come up regularly for years. Keep going. Keep processing. Keep healing.

I was in a row near the front.

Worship music flowed and all around me people were engaging and raising their hands; inside a battle raged.

“What am I even doing here? How can I still believe in a “good” and “loving” God after all He’s allowed me to go through!?”

My heart ached and my throat tightened as tears pricked the backs of my eyelids.

“What if I just walk out? What if I leave and never come back? Who would care?”

My mind quickly began working through all my justifications for why I could stop believing; it all suddenly made sense. No God. No plan for my life. No one cared; everything was meaningless…

That’s the moment God called me out.

Our pastor got on stage and during a lull in the music she began speaking directly to my spirit;

“Someone in this room is dismantling their faith at a high-level. And God wants you to know that he is not scared or frustrated with your questions, he’s not angry at your cynicism. He wants you to know that he SEES you and he loves you.”

I broke.

I knew everything she was saying was for me; that’s when the chaos my mind was creating -tearing apart my belief systems piece-by-piece- stopped in an instant.

Just like when Jesus calmed the storm the tumult in my spirit was silenced.

Peace reigned.

God. Saw. ME.

In my pain.
In my brokenness.
In my doubt and confusion.
In my anger; shaking my fist at him.

God. Saw. ME.

And He loved me.

That was the one and only time during these past years I have seriously thought about walking away from my faith in God. And after that experience, no matter how much pain or suffering I’m enduring, I KNOW God is with me and that He sees me.

That’s the power of being in relationship with God rather than just following a religion.

Because when the God of the universe breaks in with His calm, you never move on from it.

With Hope,
💜 Stephanie

PS) you don’t need anyone to help you have that sort of relationship with God; just talk to Him. He’ll meet you where you’re at and isn’t looking for you to be perfect or clean up your life first. Oh, and yeah, He can handle ALL your emotions, so don’t hold back. The anger, fear, heart break, shame, confusion….He’s got space for it all.

Who else was told it was their “job to fix it”?

Every marriage has problems.
�Communication issues.�Stress.�Differences.�Two imperfect people trying to figure life out together.

But let’s be clear; abuse, affairs, and addiction are not marriage problems.

They are character issues.

And it took me a long time to understand that distinction.

For years I believed what I was told — that this was our problem to fix. That if I worked harder, forgave more, communicated better, prayed more, supported more… things would change. If I “did my part” he would do his too.

But you cannot fix a problem that isn’t yours to carry.

Yes, I’m imperfect.�Yes, I had things to learn about myself.�Yes, every relationship requires growth.

But nothing a partner does in a marriage “causes” someone else to betray, abuse, or violate the relationship. And no excuse or “reason” should ever place the individuals “needs” above the marriage covenant; period.

Those choices belong to the person making them.

And healing didn’t begin for me until I stopped accepting responsibility for things that were never mine to carry in the first place.

With Hope for Healing,
💜 Stephanie

PS) last summer I joined a group for women who have experienced sexual betrayal called Women in the Battle () which is where I learned this concept. When I say it hit me like a ton of bricks; I mean it. I am so grateful for their course, support, and a safe place to heal. If you’re looking for a group to help process the betrayal you’ve experienced in a safe, trauma informed space, I highly recommended them!