Feline Magazine

MINERVA STEALS THE ELECTION!!! We are in an uproar.
We don't need a recount, we just need an actual count. If you know how to count please write in.

Hermes squirmies and Artemus caught canoodling!!!

Hekate wins significant percentage of the vote, despite not officially running for office!!! The constituents think she is just the right amount of silly, not too much. Not too little. CONGRATS Hekate!

We think? Someone should count the votes...

MANEY new cats have entered the race. We have forget officially lost count of everyone. Please vote widely.

Incr edible but an actual local Kayem foods hot dog named Sally has entered a bid for mayor, inside an undersized bun and with a squish of mustard. We like the poster font design but the choice of a random dog to decorate it has not been well received by local path walkers, prowlers and stalkers ... But as a completely impartial mews organization we have to also cover the underdogs from time to time, even if they are literally a hot dog.

The one and only cat with underpants (and disabilities) in the race. A real Purranklin Delano Roosevelt moment! The following is our exmewsive interview with the hero:

Tell us a bit about yourself, preferred pronouns, favorite treat, and how you got your name.

>>My name is Midnight, I go by she/her/the hero. My favorite treat is cat grass, all Churus and Greenies. I think I’m just that cool for the name, a hero’s name.

"Mayor by day, hero by night”

As Mayor what would be your favorite pawlicies?
>>
Equal Fur-Color Right, every cat counts, every scratch matters. 
Free Running Hours after midnight.
All You Can Nap, anywhere, any human body can be for naps.
Free Scratching Zone per household.
CPR: Cat Paw Rage, my paw, my justice.

Would you be open to doing a n**e photoshoot with us without the underpants?
>> Yes, when I’m not on duty, please contact my secretary for further arrangements .

You are an inspiration to other cats differently able, what words do you have for the next litter?
>> This world is on your paws, we are mission impawssible. 

Small tail, big heart, stay healthy my friends!!!

Artemis ... Are you okay??? Have you given up on your old platform? Were you eaten by that heavy Greek cat that's on your poster not? This smells like foreign influence in our elections!

New cats entering the race ... Zebrvran running uncontested for bike path comptroller... We're very close to giving him our official endorsement.

We received a huge unsolicited OP-Ed from a very well written staffer from Mr. Fang's fangtastic campaign. It is so long and well written we think it was made with CatGPT... Either way it was too long for here but we made some screenshots you can find in our stories!

Five new cats have entered the race!!! Who are they? Where did they come from? Our reporters are on the story and will fill you in after they finish playing with this yarn.

The humans have been begging us to cover PICOSITA’s run despite the fact that they are distinctly *canine* we have given in. We’ve asked a few cats for their opinions to help you understand why having a dog-Mayor is such a bad idea:

Mr. Whiskerbottoms: That dog will roll right over, any dog would, we need a cat Mayor!

Wigglepuff: Rather than listening to its constituents, that dog is going to run around chasing its tail.

Fluffsworth: Picosita is all bark and no bite, we can do better than a dog Mayor.

Mochi: Their ears look stupid.

Theodore: The second it gets elected it will run away. And if it doesn’t - then I will personally chase it away.

Scrunchie: They probably smell bad.