Britt Del Toro

June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness month.

I’ll never forget the morning I drove to the bridge and realized my husband was at the bottom of it. A bridge we drove over literally every single day for the 4 years we lived in our small town.

Troy struggled with never feeling good enough. He always felt pressure to be better, and prove that he was enough and it didn’t matter how many times a day I told him he was my favorite person. As I’ve talked to widows of su***de, the common theme in all of our lives was we had husbands who were stressed with work, or who never asked for help or reached out for support. Most battled quietly and left without warning or signs.

One life taken by su***de is too many. Spouses are losing their partners. Children are losing their fathers. Parents are losing their sons and siblings are losing their brothers.

We need to normalize men being able to feel emotions. We need to normalize that men cry, and men have anxiety and depression. We can’t have a “man up” mentality and expect our men to survive.

Losing Troy has shattered my entire soul. It’s also out a fire in me to make changes and never stop talking about mental health and su***de awareness. Please check on the men in your life and remind them of how special and important they are. If you know someone who is struggling or if you are struggling yourself, please call the 988 hotline or reach out to a safe person. Please stay ❤️

MAY 🪩
Can we believe we are almost halfway through 2026? 🫠

APRIL 🌼🐝🐣

Today is Organ Donor Remembrance Day.
My sweet Zeppy was an organ donor, and I remember it being a decision that I thought would be hard, but when I knew he wasn’t coming home with us, the thought of his perfect little body saving another child’s life was an easy choice. It was devastating when I got a letter telling me his organs couldn’t be successfully transplanted. It felt like the small bit of comfort I had from the loss was torn from me.
Nonetheless, he’s our little hero, and I am so proud of him.
They might’ve just been just another set of organs to others, but to me I spent 38 weeks trying to be my absolute healthiest so that I could be the vessel that held space for life to develop within him. His heartbeat was helping to keep mine beating at a time my marriage and life was in really dark place.

So many times I’ve wished in the last almost 5 years that I could easily just breathe life back into him, and hear it beat even just one more day.

Organ donation is bittersweet. You’re either on the side where you have to let go of a life you feel you can’t live without or you’re on the end where you can see life have another chance here on earth. Whichever side you land on, it’s brave to be there. It’s brave to say goodbye and allow your loved one’s body to save someone else, and it’s brave to hold on a little longer until you’re given another chance to live.

I love you Zeppelin. Give daddy the biggest hug and kiss for me and tell him I love him mostest. 🌈

“You got over that quickly”.
“You’re coping way better than I could”.
“How are you already moved on?”

Nobody understands that I’ll never be over this.
Nobody sees me go into the car on my breaks and catch my breath or cry because something reminded me of all I lost.
Nobody sees me at 2 am staring at the ceiling blaming myself for my husband and child dying and feeling like a boulder is on my chest and wishing I could fix it all.
Nobody sees inside my mind when I’m just trying to get work done, quickly close my eyes and intrusively my mind pictures their bodies in a casket and I want to throw up.
Nobody sees the days I’m busting my ass at the gym lifting and walking forever on the treadmill trying to burn off the grief I carried all day silently.
Nobody feels the shame I get when I’m finally doing something that brings me joy and I’m judged harshly for it because I’m not aligning with societies timeline on when I’m allowed to be okay.
Nobody understands that if I ever just stopped, I don’t know if I could ever start back up again.
Nobody feels the pressure of needing to stay alive because there’s 6 innocent lives that are counting on me to show up.
Nobody understands that most days I just don’t even want to function, but I keep going because it’s the brave thing to do.
Nobody knows what I endured throughout my marriage quietly because I didn’t want people to attack my husband or judge me for choosing to keep trying to make it work despite the pain and betrayals I didn’t ask for.
Nobody would understand that I don’t regret staying, but that I am not going to turn away now from choosing someone who cares about me and my kids after he left.
Sometimes people forget that I also buried my baby not long ago, and I’m still grieving that too.
Nobody understands I don’t want to be a burden, so I hold in more than I should everyday and pretend to be okay.
Nobody realizes that when I can’t answer the phone, call back, or even finish a sentence or process what was said to me without feeling overwhelmed, that it’s because my brain is focused on survival.
People forget these pictures are my reality, not for show.

But how I wish, someone could understand.

FEBRUARY 💛🤙🏼🌼

POV: I’m your Aesthetic Instructor 🍓

JANUARY 🫶🏼

5 months since I felt a hug from you.
153 days. People are still learning that you aren’t here anymore. It’s that fresh yet almost an entire half of a year. So many things have happened during this time, so much you would’ve laughed about and had fun doing. So much that wouldn’t have even happened had you chose to stay with us. I want answers but no matter what I do I can’t find them. I miss you. I miss the little things like bringing you home a monster and some licorice. I miss your omelets. I miss hearing the tools making noise around the house or outside. I miss calling you on my way home from anything to let you know I’m on my way back to you. I miss being a wife.

You’ll always be one of my favorite parts of my story.

You matter. You always have and you always will. Please give Zeppy the biggest hug and kiss for me. I love you ❤️

DECEMBER 🎄

This year gave me a plot twist I never expected. I’ve learned who’s in my corner truly, and who’s not. I also learned that I can absolutely do the hardest s**t imaginable and still stay soft, kind, and resilient. I am so grateful to have my children who give me all my purpose and desire to keep getting up every single day and putting in the work to give them a life that they deserve.

The thought of entering a year that my husband will never be in makes me physically ill. I’m making huge changes in our life these next few weeks and I hope he’s proud of me 🥹 Every New Year’s Eve Troy and I would make seafood, sing karaoke with the kids and share with each other our favorite memories as a family that we experienced that year. I close my eyes and I can picture his smile and hear his laugh while he sings all our favorite songs.

As I move into 2026 I send all my love to you guys too. Thank you to every single friend on here who has held space for our life and has been an amazing support. Thank you for the prayers, the encouragement, the love, and the laughs you share with me. I love you all ❤️