Bless the Messy

12 years ago they put a little human in my arms and I saw love personified as I became a mama.

Miles changed my world, and has continued to everyday for 12 years.

My Aries twin, my sweet baby, my birthday boy.

I guess it's a blessing to have never really experienced grief like this...Tuesday night surrounded by all his girls, my papa's being left his earthly body.

I was 16 when my nana and papa let me move in and I lived there until I was 24 and it single handedly changed the trajectory of my life.

Parental love can come from so many places, I'm so lucky to have someone who always made room for us. 💚

Today I am 38 years old.
I wish I could say I figured it all out by now. That I don't let others opinions bother me, that I never worry about money, that I always feel stable and secure in myself.
That would be a lie.
But I can say, I choose to live, everyday. I choose to come to the table with everything I've got and continually try to hand create a beautiful life.
I hang out with my kids.
I plan my garden.
I hug my nephews.
I text my people.
I feed my chickens.
I go to work.
I make art.
And I think how goddamn lucky I am to cultivate something safe and beautiful- that even still suicidal ideation will try to take away when the voices around me are so much louder than the voice within. But each year my sense of self gets stronger and I know the garden of my personhood will continue to grow, take shape, and flourish.
Here's to another year of tending deeply to myself.
xx

Things have shifted and that's okay. 🌊🦋

I hope you are lucky enough to have people with you who watch you bloom and love you just the same.

[two brothers, ten years of friendship]

Finding my feet again. 🌸🌾🌼🌷
Making art again y'all. I have been really trying to hold space for grief and also feeling like maybe I had to let go of a version of my art that wasn't fully me anymore and lean into who I am now and what I want to share with the world. I do think it's really hard when you come up in online spaces to remember your art is for you before anyone else. Before I had a "platform" I never once considered what other people thought about what I made, I just made it. But when you become perceived in a certain era of your art you feel tethered to it in some ways and it can almost become a glass box. You can see out and people can see in but you only have what you have inside the box. I was an artist long before Instagram existed and will be one long after and I have to let myself be free to change artistically even if that means maybe some people are less connected to it, because it might find new people who need it.
Sorry for the millennial caption rant.
xoxo ja

Just sharing 💔❤️‍🩹🎈

Happy Lunar New Year ❤️‍🔥🧧🍊
from our little family to yours.
xo

If you're wondering if I'll ever recover from this little love note, the answer is no. 💌

3 handwritten notes from my 3 favorite people ad loves of my life dropped off to the bakery today while I was in full hustle mode was honestly the only gift I could ever hope for.

Happy Valentine's Day, I hope you experience so many different forms of love in this lifetime, most especially love for yourself. 💞

The power always to the people. ❤️‍🔥

Just to be perfectly clear. **kice

3 years of loving you.
thankful for growing with someone through so many different kinds of seasons and still choosing each other.
Not always easy or magical or cute but it's real and honest and loving as f**k.
More memory making, creating spaces, and grainy digital photos in year four please 💞
Xo