With Connection

✨Some of our most impactful moments occur during children’s moments of distress✨
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When children express intense emotions and we meet them with empathy and connection, they not only learn to understand and label their feelings, but they also learn that we are there for them, we are on their team.
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Working with children with big behaviors, we often hear about the importance of children learning “self-regulation”, but how do we get to self-regulation? Only through co-regulation.
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In these moments of distress, our children look to us for guidance and reassurance. By offering a supportive presence and validating their emotions, we create a safe space for them to explore and express their feelings. Through our empathetic responses, we teach them that it’s okay to feel what they feel and that they are not alone in their experiences. For our children who have experienced trauma, feeling deeply alone can often be a byproduct. These simple phrases can let their bodies know: ⭐️you’re not alone ⭐️ we are right there with you.

# attachmentparenting

🌟 Embracing Truths 🌟

As foster and adoptive parents & as educators, we’ve come to understand the profound importance of believing in this truth: all children need, want, and are capable of love and connection. It’s the cornerstone of our journey.
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Every behavior, every reaction—they’re all rooted in a profound quest for safety and belonging. Even the most challenging trauma symptoms are adaptive behaviors, honed through resilience and survival instincts.
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So let’s honor each child as the unique individual they are, recognizing their inherent worth and strength. Together, let’s create a world where every child feels seen, heard, and loved. 💖

🌟 Embracing Truths 🌟

As foster and adoptive parents & as educators, we’ve come to understand the profound importance of believing in this truth: all children need, want, and are capable of love and connection. It’s the cornerstone of our journey.
✨
Every behavior, every reaction—they’re all rooted in a profound quest for safety and belonging. Even the most challenging trauma symptoms are adaptive behaviors, honed through resilience and survival instincts.
✨
So let’s honor each child as the unique individual they are, recognizing their inherent worth and strength. Together, let’s create a world where every child feels seen, heard, and loved. 💖

We all know that vacant stare that often follows our attempts to learn about our children's lives... 👀😂
Sometimes framing questions differently can get kids talking and guide us to help them share the things they really need to share🥰

This is a reminder for whoever needs to hear it that if your parenting journey is a process of unlearning and creating new ways of being that you did not experience as a child, you are not alone. It's incredibly brave to choose a parenting path that's uncharted territory in order to heal, grow, and create change for your family. We see you. We are here with you. ❤️❤️❤️

We all know *that* moment. The one where our child loses control of their emotions and breaks down... wherever they are and near whoever happens to be watching. A lot of us were raised by parents who squeezed our hands, whispered "stop it right now" and shut us down when we flipped our own lids as children... so the impulse to get our kids to just stooooop it with the meltdown is alive and well in many of us. Thankfully we now know that in order to learn the skill of self regulation when stressed that we desperately want our kids to learn, we need to meet their stress with our own calm, so that their nervous system can actually calm down to match ours. So when kids get wacky and start to melt, instead of *telling* them to calm down, follow these simple steps to *show* them how to come back into a regulated and calm space.
🍃take some deep breaths, ground your body, and remind yourself of your own safety.
🍃speak to your child calmly and with empathy
🍃provide connection in whatever way you know helps your child.
Trust your child and trust yourself. You are what your child needs most to learn to self regulate ❤️

🍁Back to school is a great time to remember while ruptures happen in *all* relationships, repair is essential for secure attachment.
🍁As our kids get back into the routine of the school year and can come home extra exhausted (and extra challenging to parent) we need to be gentle on them... and gentle on ourselves!
🍁Remember- perfect parents do not exist. We all make mistakes, we all lose our cool, we all have regrettable moments.
🍁Taking the time and space to repair with our kids can strengthen attachment and restore a sense of security after those less than perfect parenting moments.

They deserve it, just like you did.
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My mom recently died, so she has been on my mind a lot these days. One of the last things she said to me, d***y on painkillers, was: "you are my dream girl". While the silliness of those words is not lost on me, the truth of that phrase hit me hard. I was my mom's dream come true, her perfect little chaos maker, the child of her heart and most hopeful parenting aspirations. My mom never expected perfection from me, she delighted in who I was and gave me the gift of her love freely and without expectation about who I would be or how I would live. I chose a very unconventional path and she believed in my vision for my life wholeheartedly.
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As an adoptee, there were many ways in which my mom didn’t know how to support me. She didn’t really understand adoption trauma and she didn’t know that the loss of my family and culture haunted me. She just didn’t know what she didn’t know. But celebrating me for my unique self- that she did right. She never pushed me to be more like her, or encouraged me to pursue her dreams. Who I am was not just “enough” for her, it was everything to her. I learned a lot of things from my mom, like how to parallel park and how to pair wine and cheese... but the most important thing she showed me is that every child deserves to be loved wildly, with no expectation to be anything they are not.
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Thank you for this reminder 💗