Houa Lor

Dearest Readers,

There are many moments in my life where I have compared myself to others. I think as an Asian girl growing up in a home where comparison was used often, we can’t quite let it go as we age. It gets worse when you marry and we are compared to other wives. The ability to rise is based on how good our dishes taste or how delicate we speak or how many babies we can pop out while still keeping our figure.

I did compare myself…a lot when I was younger.

I had no one to tell me to stop. I had no one to tell me I was good by being myself. When I was hurting, I would simply just cry myself to sleep. I remembered one night, while on vacation, in the hotel room, I bravely told my husband this truth. I told him that in my early years of marriage, I cried myself to sleep a lot. He looked really sad and asked me why I hid it from him. I simply shrugged and said, “I don’t know. I just didn’t think you could do anything about it.” But in that moment, he hugged me, and it just seemed to be better.

But today…in this moment…when you are reading this, I want you to know that comparison takes the joy from living. It makes us afraid to enjoy something we worked hard for. It makes us shy away because we’re still worried about being judged. When you catch yourself comparing, I want you to stop and ask yourself, “What does this bring me?” The answer will make you stop. Because the answer is going to be, “Nothing.” “Pain.” “Tears.”

Instead, compare yourself to a version of you no one thought you could ever grow from. Then tell her how worthy she was then and how much she is worthy now. Hug her and let her be safe in your arms. If you were to compare yourself to anyone, compare yourself to the person no one loved and how you grew from there to become the winner today. See how much you shine.

With Love & Light,

Houa

Title: The First Jasmine
Episodes: 1-2
Watch: We/TV

Hilarious…Ryan Cheng and Bai Lui together is amazing. That wedding night when Mo Xia Yao started panting (when you watch, you’ll know what I mean) was epic. But he didn’t expect to be played by his own wife when she uses his own trick on him. Hahahahaha!!! Game on!

And of course, you heard the man himself, in each of his series, THERE MUST BE A BATH SCENE!! Ladies, it happens in episode 2 already! You get to watch him soak so finely in the spring. Gosh, his body is well sculpted and tuned. Goodness…fanning!!!

Anyways, we are introduced to bold and outspoken Ye Li who has spent 8 years in isolation in the mountains. When she returns, it is only to find that the prince she was engaged to, Prince Jing Li, has broken the engagement to marry her sister. So in a twisted moment, she is decreed to marry crippled Prince Mo Xia Yao from the Ding clan. She arrives to find a very dark mansion full of hidden thoughts and words. But she’s never lost a fight or will succumb to one. She can take a challenge!

It’s on! The first two episodes are full of spiteful words and aching moments that makes you feel so sorry for Mo Xia Yao. Let’s see how this goes!

I am all caught up with Ashes of Crown's releases...waiting now for new episodes. While I wait, I'll go watch this one!

Title: Ashes Of Crown
Episodes: 8-13
Watch: Netflix
**SPOILERS**

I knew it…I knew it was her mother. The very moment she looked at Chu Zhao, I had this inkling inside and I was right. The love story her father and her mother had was so heartbreaking. That very last moment when they finally came together, not to reunite, but to say farewell to each other…oh my bleeding heart!!! And her mother’s sacrifice!!! Goodness, it’s just a bloody showdown now.

But…

In between all these are mysteries yet to be answered. I don’t believe that Xie Yan Lai really intended on poisoning her father at all. He truly believed that what his brother handed him would save a life. He just didn’t know the actual truth behind the family elixir. And now poor Xie Yan Lai is carrying a burden that will bring him to his knees.

Our girl, Chu Zhao, is still at times annoying. As much as she’s strong in certain areas, I still feel that her bitterness is clouding her mind. I am at least glad that she was not absent-minded enough to push her own mother all the way to the end. I mean, 19 years of being lied to, I get it. I also felt sorry for her too.

Goodness gracious, let the heartache begin…

Thank you for your continued support! These cleansing and blessing items were created with you in mind. They are made by hand so they are not perfect. I hope that they bring you spiritual wellness and keep you and your family spiritually safe. Love and light.

Shop: https://kawboutique.sellfy.store/

**FROM MY OWN CREATION…NOT FROM THE NOVEL…ASHES OF CROWN, EP. 11**

The darkness of the world swallowed the air completely as Xie Yan Lai made his way toward where Chu Zhao stood. She looked like a small frightened child on the edge of the cliff. He removed the cloak from around him and placed it around her, turning her around to look at her. The brightness in her eyes was replaced with a dark stare that he didn’t like. When he finished tying the strings together, she had tears streaming down her face. Then slowly, she looked up at him and her lips trembled.
“Xie Yan Lai, what do you think a dying man thinks about?” she asked quietly.
He let out a soft breath. He lowered his gaze at his feet and then he replied, “Perhaps unkept promises…unfilled wishes…unlived life.”
“What do you think my father is thinking about?”
He shifted his gaze at her and frowned. She looked guilty. “If you truly want to know, why don’t you ask him that when he wakes up? Stop torturing yourself, Chu Zhao.” He reached for her and forced her to look at him. He watched as she avoided his gaze. Then his hands slowly ran down her arms. “Why do you look like you’ve done something wrong?”
She sniffled and immediately a sob broke through. “I just don’t understand what I did wrong. I have been trying to understand where I made the mistake. Why? Why must my father be ill? What more can I do to save him?” She broke down and nearly fell until he caught her into his arms. He dragged her body against his and she sagged against him, completely letting go. Her sobs tore at his heart and he simply shut his eyes, listening to her cry. Each time she took a breath, her shoulders shook and he tightened his hold around her waist. He had no words to embrace her pain. He simply just held her, held her so that she would have a place to fall.

Dearest Readers,

To be honest, I never expected to come this far in the journey of content creation. I first started out writing for myself. You see, 16 years ago, I was almost 300 pounds, depressed, and unable to heal from the things people did to me. I was suffering from infertility and everywhere I went, it was the only thing people saw of me.

Every night, I sat at my computer and I kept writing my feelings out. The things people said to me that burned…the actions people took on me when I wasn’t looking…the gossip spread about me that brought me down. I wrote it all out and cried while reading it back to myself.

And one day…I decided to share a piece of my writing to the world because I wanted to be heard. Not only was I heard, but I was also embraced by those who were in the same shoes. So, bravely, I started sharing bits and pieces of me. Understand, the ones who did the hurting definitely were stalking my platform quietly to see if I wrote about them.

That was how I broke away from being so scared to speak my voice. That was how I stopped being in their circle. That was how I stopped pleasing them.

Writing gave me the courage to share my pain because I validated myself. And when you, my readers, came to share the same space with me…to say, “I needed this,” “Thank you for your kind words,” “Thank you for sharing your story…,” I cried and sent you a prayer.

Let us stand together, through our pain, and celebrate how far we have come…when many thought we’d never stand again. I see you. I hear you.

With Love & Light,

Houa

Daughters: Mom, we uh...we saw your list of movies you've been watching on Viki. So we, like, uh, decided to watch some of the Cdramas you'd already watch.

Me: Uh-huh...and???

Daughters: We're die hard Cdrama fans now!!! We are in love with Prisoner of Beauty.

Me: 🤣❤🙌🤪😜