Betty Smithsonian

This Fri May 1st, Triple Header Madness

Big things coming down the pike at Next In Line, excited to get some stage time with these studs to celebrate the future.

Scroll thru for the big breaking news AND GRAB A TICKET to the TRIPLE HEADER OF THR CENTURYYYY

DOOOOOOODS

I really love this show. It’s so dumb. I do very little except get flirt/heckled by hosts Ryan and Dru while I attempt to remind them to enunciate.

Come see me sit on the side of the stage and update a spreadsheet of audience feedback. A poor man’s kill Tony with less republicans.

Friday. 9:30pm.

What in the lord?
Today I celebrate 25 years sober from drugs and alcohol. This ju**ie drug addict alcoholic hasn’t had to drink one day at a time for 25 years. Holy Moshe!

I went to my very first AA meeting in Bed-Stuy on this date 25 years ago. I had just moved from Boston, and was already getting kicked out of the apartment I was renting. I called my therapist to see if there were some meds she could give me to try and make the pain stop. She said she would write me a script for something, but only if I first went to an AA mtg. So I went.

That very first meeting someone told me they were glad I was there and that everything was going to be ok. And I believed her. I have no idea why I believed her. Maybe because I was so tired and hurt and she seemed so confident and happy. But she gave me some hope. And that moment has infused itself into my brain body heart and soul or some gay s*t. That mustard seed of hope has been here for 25 years. Damnnnnnnnn.

I’m grateful af. Happy joyous and free. Thankful for my incredible wife Lisa, and our extremely sweet son Mateo, and my AA squad, my chosen family and born to family.
I’m so grateful for all my small and big resentments and all the people out there who have brought me opportunities to grow and let go and move on, as hard as it can be.

Despite being drenched in grief, I am still fully immersed in the world of joy, and sharing as many joyballs as I can, wherever I can share them. How is that even possible??! It’s wild what a little hope can do. God is good.

If you’re reading this and you’re hurting from drugs and alcohol, I promise you there is a solution. You don’t have to be in pain anymore. You don’t have to live in misery. There is a way out. And the life that awaits; it’s beyond your wildest dreams. I promise you.

Since I have you here I’ll also share, I’m super grateful for slow motion sports highlights reels, Cadbury mini-eggs and cinnamon buns.

Go birds. I’ll keep coming back. Thanks for letting me share.

Just a few Jews sprinkling some dead dad ashes onto the rocky statue.

Blessed.

Alert Alert to all the Fools of The Land Specifically Philadelphia and The NE Region of the Country:

Your souls need this.
Your hearts need this.
Time to explode the joy balls of death and insert them into the bu****le of life.

LFG
Tuesday 2/24 7:30

Sarah Knittel & Betty Smithsonian host a curated idiot show with the extremely sexy and talented artists listed below:

Rose Luardo
Alex Tatarsky
Manny Brown
Grace Lazarz
Nazeer Art’aud
Diva Baby

BYOB
PWYC

G**s and non g**s and soon to be g**s and “thoughts only” g**s and gay for the stay g**s come thru on Wednesgay Punch Line Philly. I promise to flirt with everyone

Cool show Thursday 7:30 I’m hosting w a few very funny riffy pals plus a short open mic lottery style after the show. I am sober almost 25 years but you need to come to this and buy drinks bc that’s how the rent is paid. Come be my bra and support my bits.

Dead dad post.

Steven Eisenberg, born July 1, 1946, died Monday Jan 12, 2026, got to see the Eagles win two super bowls, a female vice president, and his super gay daughter get legally super gay married and meet his newest grandson, Mateo.

He was my dad. He brought me to rehab and picked me up from rehab and covered the bill for rehab. 9 times.

Sometimes when he was driving and I was sitting up front, he would suddenly grab my leg like an absolute loony toon and scream “HOWS THE LEG???” Then we would both crack up laughing. Insane. I def owe half of my clown heart to him.

There were a lot of great times. Blessed be the one true judge.

ברוך דיין האמת

Two spots left for advanced stand up on Tuesdays in January. HMU for link
Comics, come get some focused writing room sessions, feedback, and stage time on the sexiest stage on the eastern seaboard.