DaveCorp

In order to best meet the demands of our customers, we will be instituting "surge pricing" during periods of high sales volume.

And during periods of low to moderate sales volume.

And whenever I'm feeling sassy.

I understand that Congress is working on a bailout and economic stimulus package worth an estimated $2 trillion.

In unrelated news, I've recently reorganized myself as the world's first airline-hotel-cruise line.

I'm announcing a nationwide search for a new headquarters. I will provide zero jobs to the area, and will invest thousands dollars in the local economy through grocery purchases.

Interested municipalities may submit bids immediately. Requirements include:
- No less than $1b in tax incentives
- Substantial investment in infrastructure improvements
- Easy access to high-quality Indian food

I sometimes feel like I'm the only one on the internet who doesn't have a Squarespace sponsorship.

Whenever the kids start playing too nicely together, I worry that they're going to unionize and demand better benefits.

One of them has already demanded that we recognize "National Taco Day" as a holiday.

Is there a service like Patreon but for buying politicians? I only need a little bit of influence.

Also, if they provide members-only YouTube videos, that's a huge plus too.

If Puerto Rico is still having trouble securing relief funds, they should consider becoming a corporation like I did. Not only will they qualify for a bail-out, but they'll see the greatest benefit from the new tax bill.

Just got my property tax bill in the mail. Next year, I'm going to use the "Dark Store Loophole" and claim that my taxes should be the same as a burned out m**h lab.

(https://www.lwm-info.org/1279/Dark-Store-Tax-Loophole)

Dark Store Tax Loophole | LWM, WI

We've decided to slash allowances by 50% for the next fiscal year. While our employees may not agree with this decision, we're confident this cost reduction will bring additional value to our shareholders.

I'm going to need to hire someone to clean the gutters on my house. Hoping to get a WEDC grant to pay for it, since I'm creating jobs.