My Child In Heaven

Every parent of child loss worries that their child will become a fading memory. Please let parents know you remember. Share a story. Share a picture. Say the child’s name. Let parents know you remember.

Some days the pain feels like it’s more than I can handle. I just want to run away to a safe place where life feels whole and good again. But grief is my constant companion and is now part of who I am.

I felt it. I felt the pain of my heart breaking the moment I heard those words, “I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.” And I knew life was forever changed.

It was heartbreaking to me to see how quickly life carried on for others after the death of my child. My world came crashing apart, and in my mind I thought that others would feel a big part of this pain, too. But, that's not the case. Shortly after the funeral life went on for them without skipping a beat. That part of this grief will always hurt.

As we enter the season of holidays, the grief we feel because of child loss escalates. The holidays used to be such a time of joy. Since the loss of a child, everything has changed so much. The empty ache for the one who is missing hurts clear to the core of a parent's soul.

Every parent has so many hopes and dreams for their child. When child loss occurs it’s as though a giant eraser came along and wiped everything away. It isn’t supposed to be this way. Every parent is supposed to live those dreams with their child.

Sometimes we just need two listening ears and a hug. No elaborate words. No cliches about how things will get better in time. Just someone to listen to our story and “be there”. Simply being there means so much.

When a child dies there is a roller coaster ride of emotions. Sad. Angry. Disappointed. Depressed. Questioning. Lonely. Fearful. Mistrusting. And more. Child loss affects every fiber within and turns life inside out and upside down. A parent is not supposed to outlive their child.

When a child leaves this earth there is a hole left in the heart of a parent. That empty feeling can’t be explained with words. It’s a space that is void, yet it hurts deeply and continuously. It’s an empty echo in a space that can only be filled by the child who is no longer here.

People try to "fix us" -- to "fix our grief" -- because they don't like seeing us in pain. The truth is that this kind of grief - the grief from child loss -- can never be fixed. This is a brokenness that will be with us forever.

As parents of child loss, there are definitely times when we can feel our child’s presence. But, we will forever long to “see our child, hug our child, hear our child talk”. We will miss the very presence of our child all the days of our life.

One day, one hour, one step, one breath. That's the only way a parent can travel through this journey of loss. There is no "end point" when it can be said, "I've reached the finish line. The grief is over." This is a grief that lasts a lifetime.