CommunityBeat

Under the tarp, Mace found no structural emergency, no missing clock, and—regrettably—no treasure.

He found one round hole, one exhausted maintenance supervisor, and one extremely persistent woodpecker attacking the plywood bird installed to discourage it.

By the time Mace returned to the courthouse steps, the crowd had decided he worked for the state.

Olivia told him to remove his press badge.

That made it worse.

Community Beat published the truth:

CLOCK SAFE. WOODPECKER UNCOOPERATIVE.

The answer generated nine additional questions.

Olivia looked around the newsroom and realized Middelpointe finally had a newspaper.

For the record, the courthouse clock remains four minutes fast.

This is unrelated to the woodpecker.

Public Works has also asked residents to stop leaving fake owls on the courthouse steps. Seven have been collected.

The woodpecker declined comment.

Mace Turner had three sources.

None worked for the town.

One lived beside a man whose cousin plows the library parking lot.

Olivia sent him anyway.

On the courthouse lawn, Middelpointe offered three working theories: lightning, clock removal, and a trapped hawk.

Then Public Works unloaded a suspiciously bird-shaped piece of plywood.

Back at the newsroom, rumors of hidden historical treasure were spreading fast.

Nora Dean quietly revealed that Middelpointe’s original charter had been in her bottom desk drawer the entire time.

Nobody had ever asked.

Olivia had seen enough.

Middelpointe didn’t need more information.

It needed somebody willing to walk across the street.

Middelpointe woke up Tuesday morning to a blue tarp wrapped around the courthouse clock tower.

By 7:19, the town had developed four explanations, assigned blame, and stopped traffic to investigate from inside several vehicles.

At the Community Beat newsroom, Echo organized the available evidence.

Bats were leading by two angry-face reactions.

The photograph responsible for most of the concern had already been shared 214 times.

It did not show the courthouse.

According to Nora Dean, this still represents significant progress over Middelpointe’s 1987 chimney-sweep incident.

And so began Community Beat’s first official investigation.

📰 This week’s advertisers have arrived!

Need your taxes done… and a bucket of minnows?

Got back pain that mysteriously appears every Monday morning?

Middel Pointe has you covered.

This week’s featured businesses:
🦴 Dr. Edith Wren Chiropractic — Straightening backs (and occasionally attitudes) since 1998.
🎣 Phil’s Financial Services & Bait Emporium — “Taxes. Tackle. Truth.”

Support local.
Support weird.
Support businesses that definitely make sense if you’ve lived here long enough.

(Community Beat is a work of satire. Middel Pointe and all of its wonderfully questionable businesses are fictional.)

🏈 FEEL THE MO-MONT-UM! 🐏

The MPSU Athletic Boosters are kicking off another season, and Monty has volunteered to handle fan engagement, morale, and approximately 87% of the snack table.

Become an “Official Booster” and enjoy:
📣 Loud cheering
☕ Questionable amounts of coffee
🍩 Purple donuts
🧢 Exclusive merch
🚗 “VIP Parking” (availability may vary dramatically)

Go Matterhorns! 💜💛

Community Beat is a satirical publication. Middel Pointe, MPSU, Monty, and the Athletic Boosters exist in a delightfully fictional universe. Any resemblance to real schools, mascots, or organizations is purely coincidental.

📰 THIS WEEK IN MIDDLE POINTE

Everyone has an opinion… and everyone thinks theirs belongs on Page 4.

This week’s Opinion section tackles the issues that matter most:
☕ Is waking up before sunrise actually legal?
🪑 Should every park bench face the same direction?
🪿 Are the geese running things?
🥞 And why does the Pancake Festival seem to last all year?

Need a getaway after reading the letters to the editor?

The Grand Pinnacle Hotel invites you to experience The Full Monty—the only resort where your room comes with mountain views, mascot sightings, and pancakes that somehow taste even better on vacation.

Read. Debate. Relax.

Only in the Middle Pointe Gazette.

🚗 BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT

When your check engine light comes on… who do you trust?

Dwayne’s Auto Repair & Towing has been keeping Middle Pointe rolling since 2009 with honest work, fair prices, and just enough questionable advice to make things interesting.

Need a jump? A tow? Stuck in a ditch? They’ve probably seen worse.

Meanwhile, flip through this week’s Business & Classifieds section to meet more of the businesses that keep Middle Pointe moving—from lawyers and chiropractors to furniture stores, diners, tax experts, and everything in between.

📰 Support local.
🏡 Shop local.
😂 Laugh local.

The Middle Pointe Gazette — where every business has a story.

📰 THE MIDDEL POINTE GAZETTE

This week’s edition is now available.

🏈 SPORTS
The Matterhorns continue their winning ways, Coach Burch delivers another unforgettable quote, and Monty somehow earns an A+ player rating.

⚖️ BUSINESS
Need legal help? Barrister Buddy and the team at Misenplace, Order & Fury are standing by. They proudly handle civil matters, criminal defense, HOA disputes… and the occasional culinary accident.

🎲 FUN & FINISH
This week’s crossword, Sudoku, comics, weather, TV listings, horoscopes, and your weekly reminder that the Middel Pointe Clock Tower remains perfectly visible.

Thank you for supporting local journalism, local businesses, and local legends.

Until next week’s edition…

Keep reading.
Keep laughing.
Keep Middel Pointe weird.

📰 The Middel Pointe Gazette — Community Spotlight & Business Section

The presses are still warm, and Middel Pointe is buzzing.

🌸 Congratulations to Petals & Possibilities on its grand opening! Early reviews suggest every bouquet comes with flowers, optimism, and at least one unsolicited life lesson from the owner.

🎩 Sir Waggington the Third has been named Pet of the Week after another flawless public appearance. His campaign for “More Belly Rubs Per Capita” continues to gain momentum.

🎉 Residents also gathered to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, volunteer achievements, and another successful school fundraiser featuring honorary pie inspector Monty, whose qualifications remain delightfully unclear.

⸻

🚗 Meanwhile on Commerce Corner…

💰 Lucky Larry’s Fast Deals insists that every purchase comes with “confidence, charisma, and maybe free tires.” Regulators are still trying to determine what exactly that means.

🏰 Knight Stan’s Furniture Kingdom continues its reign as Middel Pointe’s premier destination for throne-worthy recliners, castle-sized sectionals, and sales that reportedly end “whenever we feel like it.”

As always, the Gazette reminds readers that all stories are presented with complete sincerity, limited verification, and just enough absurdity to keep things interesting.

Stay tuned for the next edition—because in Middel Pointe, tomorrow’s front page is probably already happening. 📰

📰 EXTRA! EXTRA! THE GAZETTE HAS HIT THE STREETS!

This week’s edition includes:
🦌 A possible Monty sighting (still unconfirmed).
🪑 A brand-new park bench that officials insist will “complete the vision.”
☕ The Beacon Grill reminding everyone that bottomless coffee is a constitutional right.

Meanwhile, a goose has shut down traffic, ribbon storage has reached historic highs, and local reporters continue asking the questions no one else will:

* Is the clock tower still visible?
* How much coffee is too much coffee?
* And who, exactly, is behind Monty?

Welcome to Middel Pointe—where every headline is almost believable and every edition comes with a wink.

🗞️ More pages from the Gazette are on the way. Stay tuned.