Produce Queen

I didn’t fight that hard to stay alive just to spend the rest of my life doing what I was “supposed” to do.

I wanted the whole fu***ng thing.

I wanted to marry who I wanted.
Dress how I wanted.
Live where I wanted.
Build the business I wanted.
Make my own money.
Change my mind.
Take the trip.
Buy the ridiculous outfit.
Dance.
Laugh too loud.
Start over.
Say no.
Say FCK no.
And have so much fun being alive that sometimes I can’t believe this is the same life I once wanted to escape from.

I didn’t get sober to become more acceptable. To smoke myself to death. To eat unhealthy and feel uncomfortable in my body. To be triggered constantly and take out my anger on others.

I got sober to become more ALIVE.

And I’m going to squeeze every last drop out of this gift of life.

A lot of my clients come to me after a loss.

The loss of a relationship.
The loss of the life they thought they were going to have.
The loss of the family they thought they had.
Sometimes, it’s the loss of an entire belief system after realizing their childhood wasn’t what they once thought it was.

And underneath the grief, we often discover something really interesting:

The life they’re mourning wasn’t always a life they consciously chose.

It was a picture they were handed.

From their family.
From television.
From culture.
From fairy tales.
From everything they were taught a “good” or “successful” life was supposed to look like.

So much of the work we do together is asking:

Okay… but what if you get to decide now?

What if you get to decide what love looks like?
What family looks like?
What success looks like?
What happiness looks like?
What you believe?
What kind of life actually feels good to you?

That’s when loss can become possibility.

Because once you stop trying to rebuild the life you thought you were supposed to have, you get to start creating one that is actually yours.

That’s the transformation I help people make.

Yes, we work on the outside too..the body, the habits, the relationships, the career, the environment, the life.

But something beautiful happens when the inside changes:

The outside starts changing with it.

Maybe it didn’t work out because you weren’t meant to recreate someone else’s idea of a good life.

Maybe you’re here to create your own. 🦋

There was a time in my life when I was living with rats and cockroaches. I was barely taking care of myself. I was throwing up on myself in the shower. I was a shell of a human being.
And little by little, choice by choice, I crawled my way out of that hell.

I built a life that feels beautiful to me. Not the life I was told to want. Not the life anyone else in my family lives. Mine.

And yes, I like luxury. 😂 I like beautiful hotels. I like getting dressed up. I like the ocean. I like art and incredible food and gorgeous spaces and experiences that make me feel alive. I worked very hard to discover what brings me joy.
When I share my life, it isn’t to say, “Look what I have.”

It’s to say, “Look what can happen.”

Because if you had shown the girl living among rats and cockroaches a glimpse of my life today, she wouldn’t have believed you.

I want people to know that the chapter they’re living in does not have to be the whole story.

You can rebuild.
You can choose differently.
You can become someone you’ve never met before.
You can create a life beyond your wildest dreams.

This just so happens to be mine. The absolute beauty of it all is that I get to live life sober. I get to do whatever I want without caring what people think about me. I do not give others the remote control to my emotions. I am free.

And I’m going to enjoy the hell out of it. 😂🩷

I remember when my life didn’t feel nice at all.

I remember being 20 years old, lost, crying, blacking out, and having no idea how I was ever going to make it to another day.

I know what it’s like to do the work no one sees.

The years of recovery.
The meetings.
The therapy.
The boundaries.
The family relationships I’ve had to grieve and redefine.
The relationships I’ve had to walk away from.
The parts of myself I’ve had to meet, love, forgive, protect, and learn how to take care of.
The mornings I got up and chose myself when nobody was watching.

So yes, when you see me in a beautiful hotel, soaking in a bathtub, traveling, dressing up, eating beautiful food, lying in the sunshine, or experiencing things that once felt completely out of reach…

It is nice!!!!
And I soak up every single second of it.

Not because my life has always been easy.
Not because someone came along and rescued me.
Not because there wasn’t pain behind the pictures.

But because I know what it took for me to be here.

I share the beautiful parts of my life because there was a version of me who desperately needed proof that life could become beautiful again.

That you can survive things you thought would destroy you.
That you can rebuild.
That you can choose differently.
That you can create safety, joy, peace, abundance and beauty after years of chaos.

So when someone says, “It must be nice”…

I smile.

Because they’re right.

It is.

And after everything it took to get here, I refuse to feel guilty for enjoying a single second of it.

And I hope somewhere, someone who is still in the “before” sees my “after” and realizes:

keep going!!!

It can get so f-ing nice.