Pur Pups

I change my mind a lot.

Apparently this annoys people.

I can want a job and then get scared about having one.

I can want to go somewhere and then decide I don’t.

I can be excited about something today and not want anything to do with it tomorrow.

People sometimes act like that means I don’t know what I want.

Maybe.

Or maybe I learned something.

Maybe I thought about it more.

Maybe today just feels different than yesterday.

I don’t think changing my mind means I don’t know myself.

Sometimes changing my mind is knowing myself.

And yes, I might change my mind about this too.

I didn’t outgrow autism. I grew with it.

Sometimes I say no to things.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be invited.

Maybe the place is too loud.

Maybe I’m tired.

Maybe there are too many people.

Maybe I just don’t feel like going.

But when people stop asking because I said no a few times, that feels different.

I still like knowing someone thought of me.

I still like having the choice.

So if I say no sometimes, don’t decide for me next time.

Invite me anyway.

I didn’t outgrow autism. I grew with it.

Miranda Says

I think adults pretend to know what they’re doing more than they actually do.

When I was younger, I thought becoming an adult meant you eventually figured everything out.

Then I became an adult.

Apparently that is not what happens.

Adults change jobs. They worry about money. They don’t know what they want. They make bad decisions. They ask other people for advice. Sometimes they have absolutely no idea what they’re doing.

So maybe I don’t need to have my whole life figured out at 22.

Maybe nobody does.

That actually makes me feel better.

I didn’t outgrow autism. I grew with it.

I’ve posted 1,000 times, and I learned something.

People don’t always agree with me.

I used to think that meant one of us had to be wrong.

Now I don’t.

You can disagree with me.

You can think differently than I do.

You can even think I’m completely wrong.

I just want you to listen to me before you decide.

Because sometimes people hear “autistic” and think they already know what I’m going to say.

You don’t.

Ask me.

I didn’t outgrow autism. I grew with it.

Pups

Miranda Says — 1,000

I just realized my last post was my 1,000th post.

One thousand.

When I started doing this, I definitely wasn’t thinking about getting to 1,000. I was just sharing things I was thinking about and things I was learning about being autistic.

Some posts people liked.

Some posts almost nobody saw.

Some were funny. Some were serious. Some were about things I was having a hard time with.

But I kept talking.

And somewhere in those 1,000 posts, I started understanding myself better too.

I have a better idea of what I want now. I want to work with dogs. I want to go to grooming school. I want to keep talking about autism. I want people to understand what being autistic is actually like, not just what they’ve been told it’s like.

And apparently, I’ve also become the…

“I didn’t outgrow autism. I grew with it.” girl.

I think I’m okay with that.

Here’s to 1,000 more things I haven’t figured out yet.

People talk about independence like it means doing everything by yourself.

I don’t think that’s true.

There are things I can do by myself.

There are things I need help with.

And there are things I can do by myself after someone teaches me.

Sometimes people help too quickly because they think I can’t do something.

Sometimes they don’t help because they think I should be able to do it by now.

Neither one helps me become more independent.

Give me a chance first.

Then help me if I need it.

That’s how I learn.

I didn’t outgrow autism. I grew with it.

“I Don’t Know Yet”

People ask me what I want to do with my life.

I usually say I want to work with dogs. And I do.

But the truth is, I don’t know exactly what I want my life to look like yet.

I’m 22.

Why am I supposed to know?

Sometimes I want a job. Sometimes I want to go to grooming school. Sometimes I think about having my own business. Sometimes I just want to figure out what I’m good at.

I think adults forget how much time they spent figuring themselves out.

Maybe I get to have that time too.

I didn’t outgrow autism. I grew with it.

I want to get a job.

People keep asking me what kind of job I want. I don’t completely know yet.

I know I love dogs. I still want to go to grooming school. I want to make my own money. I want to be more independent.

But there are also a lot of rules I don’t understand. What happens to my benefits? What happens if I can’t handle working full time? What if I try something and it doesn’t work out?

Sometimes I get scared that I won’t be able to do the things I want to do.

But being scared about my future doesn’t mean I don’t want one.

I didn’t outgrow autism. I grew with it.

I like people who are a little weird.

People who are too worried about looking normal can be boring.

The interesting people usually have something they’re obsessed with. They talk too much about it. They dress differently. They laugh too loud. They don’t always fit in.

I understand those people.

I spent enough time wondering whether I fit in.

Now I’m more interested in finding people who don’t care.

Normal is overrated.

I didn’t outgrow autism. I grew with it.