DEAN MODAH

Day 126 Clean and Serene 🧼!

You all made this year very special to me. Before this year, I was nervous to share my addiction/recovery journey with the Internet. I lived a double life, one life that I presented to the Internet and the other life where I struggled with crystal m**h addiction. It wasn’t until I surrendered my identity who I thought I was and how I thought I was going to overcome my addiction to m**h. Last year I relapsed and was so ashamed to be doing drugs on New Year’s Eve into New Year’s Day so this year I made sure to catch a group at my intensive outpatient program and after that I went to my home meeting that I attend every week. Building this new family of recovering addicts sharing my story every single day in the rooms of recovery and hearing the stories of my fellows both newcomer and old timer has changed me. It has impressed so much upon me and matured me and taught me how to live a life without being enshackled to my disease. I give all of the glory to God because it was God, and only God that could’ve reached in to those dark rooms where I struggled and hurt myself and pulled me out dusted me off, renewed my soul and refurbished my spirit. I am so grateful that I developed smart feet a term which means that I automatically take the right next action without thinking about it. I automatically go to the meeting without thinking about it. I automatically pick up the phone and share how I feel without thinking about it. This year has taught me that I can overcome difficult things. And it’s in the difficult thing that I earned growth. My life is so beautiful now it’s filled with so much love support, fellowship, laughter, meeting service and freedom. I am so excited to be bringing in the new year with all of you. If you are counting with me, just know that we do this a day at a time and that you can overcome anything that you put your mind to there was a time that I could not get three days clean from crystal m**h under my belt and at 12 I’m going to have 127 days clean from crystal m**h and that is a Miracle. Let’s go into the new year. MODAHVATED !

Day 126 Clean and Serene 🧼!

Day 126 Clean and Serene 🧼!

Day 125 Clean and Serene 🧼!

Tonight’s meeting was all about staying in the present — not yesterday, not tomorrow, but right here, right now.
Recovery taught me that peace lives in the moment I’m willing to sit still, breathe, and just be. I don’t have to outrun my past or predict my future… I just have to stay connected, stay honest, and stay here.
One day at a time really means this day.
🧼✨

You’re staying q***r on the last day of the year! 🏳️‍🌈

Day 124 Clean and Serene 🧼!

🧼Today , I got the lining of my coat restored — som**hing I never imagined I’d do.
When I was in active addiction, I lived with crystal-m**h psychosis so intense that I genuinely believed there were wires sewn inside my clothes and that someone was tracking me. I used to rip open my coat, my shirts, anything… searching for threats that didn’t exist.

That’s what psychosis does — it steals your reality, your peace, your sense of safety.
It makes you see danger in harmless places. It isolates you. It convinces you that you’re not safe in your own skin.

But today?
I don’t live like that anymore.
Today I have clarity. Stability. Recovery.
Today I mend the things I once tore apart — including myself.

One day at a time.
We DO recover. 🧼✨

Day 124 Clean and Serene 🧼!

Day 123 Clean and Serene 🧼!

Today I’m reflecting on the spiritual principle of anonymity.
In Crystal M**h Anonymous, anonymity isn’t about secrecy — it’s about spiritual humility. It’s the reminder that no matter who we are outside the rooms, inside we’re all the same: addicts working toward a new way of life.

Anonymity means putting the message before the messenger, keeping my ego in check, and protecting the fellowship that saved my life. It keeps the rooms safe, equal, and grounded. It’s unity. It’s humility. It’s remembering that none of us recover alone, and none of us recover above anyone else.

The miracle isn’t me — it’s the program working through me.
That’s anonymity.

How’s don’t get cold!🥶

Day 113 Clean and Serene 🧼!

If you’re coming out the closet, make sure you wear a coat because it’s brick. 🏳️‍🌈🧥.