Forge Your Path

Forge Your Path Podcast launches tomorrow!

FRIDAY FUEL - JANUARY 27
4TH AND 8

On Saturday night, the Giants got beat every which way a football team can get beat.

That said – there is one moment of the game that upon further reflection, brought me a silver lining.

On the Giants' first drive, they were in field goal range at the Philadelphia 35 yard line with a crucial 3rd down and 3 ahead.

When the pocket began to collapse, QB Daniel Jones did what he did all season: found a seam to run for it. However, he tripped over his own lineman, resulting in a five-yard loss. Now the Giants faced a 4th and 8.

Coach Brian Daboll stunned Giant fans nationwide by what he did next: he went for it. It’s one thing to go for it on a 4th and 1, but 4th and 8 is an entirely different animal. Jones dropped back, and was promptly sacked. Philadelphia promptly went down the field to score again, making it 14-0 right out of the gate.

I was watching the game with my friend Marc who, like me, is lifetime Giant fan. We couldn’t believe it. We spent minutes belaboring the decision. Sunday morning, as I listened to the radio, the chorus of second-guessers was unified in berating Coach Daboll for going for it on 4th and 8.

Then a contrary opinion was so eloquent that I almost stopped my car: if the Giants had made it, would we be praising him that he made the RIGHT decision?

Every day, as leaders, we are faced with tough decisions. Sometimes those decisions work out in your favor, and sometimes they don’t. But the trap of focusing solely on “results-based thinking” is using the end outcome is the only barometer of the value of your decision.

Here’s a concrete example. Since I hadn’t seen my buddy for nearly a year and it was a late game, I planned to stay over at his place. But after the terrible start, I kicked around the idea of driving home early. After having a few drinks, I knew that wouldn’t be a good decision. Using the results-based lens – if I HAD decided to do that - and made it home safely - would that have made it the RIGHT choice? Of course not. Regardless of the outcome, it would have been a POOR decision to drive.

On Sunday, I read up on Coach Daboll’s post-game analysis, and I loved what I saw. He said that the Giants got outplayed, and there are a lot of ways they can get better – including his own coaching performance. The 4th and 8? Daboll stood by his choice, stating that they had practiced a lot of 4th down scenarios in practice successfully all week; they just didn’t execute on this play. He stood by his choice as the right one, despite the outcome.

For all the leaders out there, remember that the price of stepping in the arena is that sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. Building confidence in your ability to make sound decisions – and to accept the outcomes – is a standard requirement of leadership. While the play – and game – didn’t turn out the way I wanted – I’m now even happier to have Coach Daboll at the helm of my team!

FRIDAY FUEL - DECEMBER 9
THE BAILEY CHRONICLES

So this week we adopted an eight month old puppy named Bailey…and let me tell you – if you’re looking for a growth mindset challenge, I highly recommend doing the same!

For the past 3 years, my daughters’ mission in life has been to get a dog. Their Christmas list literally reads, “Santa, if you get me a dog, feel free to disregard all other presents!”

In the week leading up to this life-changing event as well as the past 72 hours of life as a Facciani, I discovered some patterns of thinking that were great reminders of how the mind can be a detriment to your hopes and dreams whenever a change occurs.

#1 “What if We’re Not Ready?”
This thought has been prevalent over the past year – and reemerged in force this week. "Maybe let’s wait until the spring…or summer…or 7th grade." If we wanted to, we could have discovered dozens of logical reasons to wait to take action.

However...when I think about any major life transition I successfully navigated…

Going to School: Did I have a full playbook for everything? Or was I prepared enough with the essentials, and figured it out each day?

Buying a House: What benefits would I have gained for waiting another year or two? Or would rates have spiked along with house prices marching ever upward?

Parenting: I was 36 when Annie and Lily were born. Were my wife and I ready? Not really. What benefit would we have gotten from waiting? Or would we just have been older?

Again - I have concluded sometimes it’s better to act than wait for the next day, week, quarter, year, decade, or lifetime.

#2 "How am I/How will we?"
In the week prior – and the last 72 hours – a million questions have emerged. “How am I going to find time to workout again? What happens when it rains today and I need to walk him? What are we going to do on Christmas Eve?”

I have concluded this: focus on winning the moment and the day. Plan and prepare for the essentials…but avoid over-analysis. I can’t solve next week’s problems, or even tomorrow’s. Execute in the short term to win the day, and plan for short term success. The intermediate term planning and strategy will come.

#3 "Never and Always" Thinking
When Bailey announced himself to the world yesterday with ear-splitting barking at 4:15 AM, I found myself thinking “I’m never going to sleep again.” Last night there were similar fears such as “We’ll never be able to take a vacation again” and “We will always be stuck at home.”

I’ve found that in any scenario where progress should be the focus, “Never and Always” thinking is rarely an asset – unless you can flip it. In changing times, a great “Always” thought is this: “Whatever life throws at me, I ALWYAYS figure it out!” Choose empowering thoughts – as opposed to going global to create permanent scenarios out of temporary snapshots.

Wish us luck with Bailey and have a great week!

FRIDAY FUEL - NOVEMBER 11
THE ESSENCE OF COMMITMENT

As much as I’ve tried to power through the past few weeks, I must admit: my tank is close to empty.

It feels as though the past two months since school started has been a carousel of getting the kids to school, work, shuttling to girls’ soccer, errands, and rinse and repeat.

As I play the smallest violin in the world for the first-world challenges of my cushy suburban life, in anticipation of Veteran’s Day, I did some reading that reminded of what showing up really looks like.

On November 11, 1921, an unknown American soldier was brought back from France and interred in a three-level marble tomb Arlington Cemetery. Five years later, soldiers were first assigned to guard the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, discouraging visitors from climbing or stepping on the tomb. After a re-design in 1931, later that decade, in 1937, guards began providing a 24/7 presence standing watch, and that presence has continued through this day.

Consider that for a moment: not just 85 consecutive years, but 1,020 months, 30,600 days, 734,400 hours, and 44,064,000 consecutive minutes providing guard to this sacred monument.

As impressive as that streak of showing up is, that’s the tip of the iceberg. Since 1948, the guards for the Tomb are elite volunteers from the 3rd U.S. Infantry Regiment. Fewer than 20% pass the rigorous acceptance process including interviews, multiple tests, and several phases of training before earning a Tomb Guard Identification Badge.

While guarding the Tomb – known as “Walking the Mat” – soldiers follow an impeccable routine that involves 21 step, 21 second intervals as well as sharp movements where no margin for error is tolerated. Depending on the time of year and time of day, the Changing of the Guard follows a meticulous process every half hour, hour, or two hours. In rain, sleet, or snow, 365 days a year, the Tomb is not just guarded – but guarded with perfect precision. Absolute silence is required at the Tomb, as the site commands the utmost respect for all the missing and unknown service members who made the ultimate sacrifice for our country.

It is likely that you will never know the men and women who guard the Tomb; it is also likely that you will never know the overwhelming majority of those who serve us here and abroad. They don’t get on television for catching touchdowns on Sundays or hitting home runs in primetime. They serve because they believe in something meaningful, and they serve without individual recognition.

That’s commitment.

So as we fall victim to the self-engrossed burdens of our own lives – myself included - please take a moment this Friday, November 11th to remember the men and women who are making sacrifices to serve and protect our country today – and acknowledge what true commitment looks like.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4utXb3auOew

FRIDAY FUEL - SUNDAY SPECIAL
A 70 YEAR GOAL

How long are you willing to wait to achieve a goal? A month? A year? A decade?

If you were a woman in 1850, a decade wouldn’t have been enough to achieve the goal of voting in the United States. Nor would a half-century. It wasn’t until August 18th, 1920, with the ratification of the 19th amendment, that women in the United States were legally guaranteed the right to vote.

On the grueling path to the vote, there were many foundational steps. Perhaps the most significant occurred 172 years ago today on October 23-24, 1850: the first National Women’s Rights Convention in Worcester, Massachusetts. Having spent more time as a teacher on abolitionism during this era, I did not have as much background on this convention. Here is what I learned about this historic event:

FIRST STEPS ARE NECESSARY
The Women’s Rights Convention gathered over 1,000 delegates to discuss the right to vote, property ownership, and entrance into fields such as higher education and medicine. I was initially surprised that of the 30 states at that time, representatives came from only 11. As I looked ahead, however, I learned that by 1860, the 10th annual convention had been conducted. Each year, the representatives built on the initial action plan and strategy architected in 1850. It was a great reminder that every movement needs to start somewhere, and consistency is a key to achieve progress.

A TRUE NETWORK
Today we often discuss networking as though it is a new phenomenon sparked by social media. Networking in 2022 often means a noisy cacophony of messages from strangers vying for attention to sell a product or service. In researching this convention, I was reminded what networking really is: a gathering of people who share congruent goals. This convention was a quintessential example of a coalition. It was not exclusively attended by suffragettes; it included several men, and specifically, abolitionists such as Frederick Douglass and William Lloyd Garrison. These pioneers shared emancipation as the common goal – for African-Americans and women. When people come together who share complementary goals, it can create a powerful win-win scenario.

WORDS WIN
Strategies, action plans, and organization are crucial elements to achieve any goal. But it also must be accompanied by another element: the ability to inspire. Lucy Stone was an attendee who was instrumental in organizing the first eight conventions. She did not speak until she delivered a brief speech the final evening, stating:

“We want to be something more than the appendages of Society; we want that Woman should be the coequal and help-meet of Man in all the interest and perils and enjoyments of human life. We want that she should attain to the development of her nature and womanhood; we want that when she dies, it may not be written on her gravestone that she was the "relict" of somebody.”

Stone printed booklets to share the specifics of the speeches, discussions, and committee minutes. It was the aforementioned speech that converted one woman to the cause of women’s rights: Susan B. Anthony.

It was an awesome history lesson for me to learn about this historical convention. As I reflect on our country today, I hope that we continue to evolve as a nation of equity and opportunity – and that we can achieve the next necessary milestone quicker than 70 years.

Happy 12th birthday, Annie and Lily! What an awesome birthday weekend and close to summer.

As Bill Belichick would say, “We’re on to middle school!”

FRIDAY FUEL – AUGUST 26
BACK TO SCHOOL!

As the crisp morning breeze greets me on these late August mornings in New Jersey, I always associate the sensation with two things: football season, and back to school time. All across America, kids from pre-school to college are headed back to school this month. As a former teacher for fifteen years, that transition time from summer to school was full of that combination of energy and optimism for the year ahead.

As my kids head back to school on Monday, it made me reflect: who are the best teachers I’ve had in my life, and what did I learn from them? While I had a lot of great ones, two stand out in my mind.

In the classroom, the top of my list has to be Brian Day. Teaching seniors at the all-boys Delbarton School, he had a tall order to keep a captive audience. Mr. Day fit the bill for our school – hockey coach, school administrator, and all-around campus leader, he was a guy we looked up to. I can only imagine our collective testosterone, entitlement, and self-perceived wisdom was insufferable – and only a teacher and man of this caliber could have made an impact on senior boys like us.

I vividly remember the lesson he taught thirty years ago. It’s a humbling story, but one I share openly as a testament to a great teacher.

Mr. Day gave us an article about the Seminole tribe in Florida who took umbrage to the perennial cheer at the Florida State football games of the “Tomahawk Chop,” which was a stadium staple whenever the crowd was fired up for a rally. The article expounded on how the tribe was insulted that the cheer, and the school nickname, for that matter, trivialized their heritage. As a Florida State football fan at the time, I just didn’t get it, and advocated my opinion.

Mr. Day patiently listened to my opinion and others who agreed with me. Then he said something that stuck with me. “You don’t have to agree with the article. But can you see why they might be upset? Is it possible that their point of view is legitimate?” In that moment, I thought really hard - and begrudgingly concluded, “Yeah, it’s possible.” For me, this was a watershed moment; it put me on a path of making the effort not just to validate my own (limited) world view, but to truly consider the viewpoint of another.

The second person on my list is a teacher from a different classroom: my wrestling coach for my senior year of high school, Guy Russo. Coming off a frustrating end to my junior year where I lost a heartbreaking match in the region consolations that prevented me from making the state wrestling tournament, my mind needed work.

Guy had a phenomenal way of breaking through to high school athletes and cutting to the chase. His famous diet advice was brilliant in its simplicity. “You want eat healthy? It’s easy. Look at a chicken and a pig. Eat chicken, you’ll look like a chicken. Eat pig, you look like a pig.” As a chronic overthinker, the world according to Guy was a breath of fresh air, helping me shut my brain with its self-constructed limits and over-analysis off.

When Guy walked into practice, the air changed temperature. As you looked in his ice-blue eyes, you knew what kind of day it was going to be. Usually, it was going to be a day of testing your physical and mental limits.

There was a lot of live wrestling – the most tiring physical experience I still have ever known. But going live wasn’t enough. In between live goes, Guy would put us on the line for sprints. Every time we thought we were done, he would pause and say “Back on the line!” At every turn, our internal dialogue would be screaming “No!” and Guy would scream “Stop listening to your mind! Your body can do more!”

Down the stretch when it counted, all of Guy’s coaching paid off. In the first round of the state tournament, I found myself down 11-7 heading into the third period, but somehow, this match was different. I felt no panic; rather, I was ready to put the pedal down.
In the third period, I poured it on. I wagered an all-out assault on my feet, taking my opponent down and letting him up. Twice during the period, my opponent took injury time – not because he was injured, but just plain tired. When I went into the corner, I saw the fire in Guy’s eyes, and his words rang true: “Look at this kid! You’ve broken him! Forget the score – just keep pushing the pace! You’re winning this match!”

Guy was right. I took him down four times to win 15-13, and carried that momentum into the rest of the state tournament. In my fourth match at the states, I got thrown to my back in the first period and had to fight to avoid getting pinned for a minute and forty five seconds; despite being down 5-0, I rallied to win 9-7, and achieved my goal of earning a spot on the podium to earn a top 8 finish in the state of New Jersey. Once again, I had a mentor who helped me rewrite what I thought was possible.

These two men had an incredible impact on my life. As my girls turn twelve today, and head off to junior school to start 6th grade on Monday, I can only hope that they are blessed with great teachers, coaches, and mentors who make an impact, in and out of the classroom!

Thank you to all the teachers and coaches who shape our kids – and thank you, Brian Day and Guy Russo for being the teachers in my life who have inspired me to be the best version of myself!