Yolanda R. Harper LCSW

Hi Friends! 👋
Yolanda here (co-founder of Harper Therapy).

I’m wrapping up at the office and thought I’d share a little behind the scenes peek 🫣 at the life of a therapist.

After starting my day at the doctor’s office, where I managed to drop the book that I had carried in with me into the toilet (I don’t want to talk about it!! 😳), I was honored to spend the rest of my day with some pretty courageous people.

So I wanted to remind you that during those most difficult moments, when you decide to go to therapy and face things head-on, connect with the truth of who you are, and choose to put loving but firm limits in place (with yourself and with others)…

YOU ARE ACTUALLY BEING YOUR MOST COURAGEOUS SELF.

And the love that you can find there is profound.

Be brave.
Love hard.

Love, Yolanda

On over-due Soul Sabbatical Musing: (if you don’t get my emails, sign up at yolandaharper.com)

Soul Sabbatical August Musing from My Heart
Who am I Becoming?

Hello, my soul-centered friend.

Firstly, I want to thank you for existing. Sometimes we need a reminder that we’re enough and we matter simply because we breathe. This is that reminder to you.

I hope that you’ve been enjoying your summer and have taken some moments through the summer heat to pause ever so slightly more and connect with your heart. Maybe part of that connection has been to read Soul Sabbatical (it’s still on sale on Amazon). Maybe you’ve explored the Soul Sabbatical Journal (it’s also on sale right now).

I’m wondering… what has your practice been to listen to your heart?

Part of my hope for these emails is to share what my latest explorations of my own heart and soul have been and to invite you to more moments of connection.

Today’s topic comes courtesy of another Liz Gilbert prompt:

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Dear Love,
Who am I Becoming?

My dearest sweet little peanut butter cup, who is the perfect combination of chocolate and peanut butter, sweet and salty, smooth and textured, let’s settle into the expansive truth in the answer to this question.

Get ready, my love. Open your heart to what I have to whisper to the depth of your precious, beautiful heart.

The biggest true answer to this question is that you’re becoming…

MORE

As we spend time together, you are becoming more brave. More kind. More of your truth. You are becoming more than the shadows that have been lurking from your past. More expansive as you release more of that past from your body. You’re more curious and more comfortable with uncertainty (you brave soul, you!), as you trust me and yourself more. As you do this, you also become more of a canary in a coal mine and are leaning into more vulnerable and more powerful conversations – ones that remind us all that we are not alone.

You laugh more, play more, celebrate more, and are opening your heart more (even though you know that the risk of that is that it could be broken – and the benefit is that it could be broken wide open).
In this, you’re allowing yourself to be more loving and, oh my sweet dandelion, this world needs more love!

But even more than that, you’re allowing yourself to be more loved. And the more loving and more loved? Those are the best things to become.

So let’s keep becoming, Darling.
I adore you so.
Love,
Love

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Oh, my friend! Where do you feel a sense of becoming in your body? What does it feel like? Truly check – is it an expansive message from LOVE, or a constricting message from Hustle You?

Hit “reply” and let me know!
Also, if you’re still reading this email, please tell me more about your experience. Is it helpful? What support do you have a sense of needing for yourself on your journey? What would you like more of?

Again, it would mean so much to me if you would hit “reply” and let me know.
Really, I’d love just a sentence or two. Please, do it now!
Much love,
Yolanda

Dear Love,
What would you have me know about:
Only Love has the Power to Name Who I Am?

Oh, Sweet One,

You’ve been called so many things from the moment you were born…

Oldest, daughter, granddaughter, niece, a good girl, weak, too emotional, smart, kind, shy, a snob, sister, friend….

Over time, you added to the list. You called yourself a mutt when you didn’t know how to answer the question “What ARE you??” because you looked different than everyone else.

You unknowingly called yourself the responsible one and more and more solidly placed those responsibilities that weren’t yours to carry on your shoulders.

Somewhere along the way, you added weak and broken to the list, because that’s the way you felt, even though, in reality, you were actually surviving some pretty intense stuff.

Year by year, decade by decade, the list grew…
Graduate, wife, mom, professional, therapist, business owner…
Capable, put-together, mentor, boss, intimidating, teacher, trainer, speaker, author, intense, a delight.

And, over time, you’ve noticed something about this list – it feels HEAVY. Yes, the “bad” words on the list feel heavy, but the responsibility (see that word again?) of the “good” things on the list feels heavy too.
Crushing, actually.

Would you like to hear some good news, my darling?
Those words? That list? They’re labels. They’re not actually you.

How do I know this?
Because only I – LOVE – have the power to name who you are.
And I name you…
BELOVED

You’re enough and you matter, regardless of the words on your list.

Do you want to know why I get to name you BELOVED?
Well, Beloved, because you’re mine. You came from me and, whether you realize it or not, are connected to me always (oh, my Beloved, how I hope that you’re beginning to understand this more and more as you return your gaze to me).

While we’re at it, I’d like to share with you my criteria for what should be added to your list.
You can think of me, Love, as an invisible Force Field around your heart, protecting your true essence. You can ask yourself 3 simple questions.

Is it true?
Sweet One, just because someone wants to add to your list doesn’t make that thing true about you. You get to decide what is true about you. Also, your truth aligns with your values, your integrity, and your actions.
So don’t be adding others’ perceptions of you to your list all willy-nilly, m’kay?

Is it kind?
Yes, my Beloved, sometimes what is true in the moment is a hard thing. But is that true thing said with kindness and respect? Love, ultimately operates in a violence-free space and there’s no room for contempt coming in from others or from between your own ears.

Is it necessary?
You know how sometimes people dump stuff on you that’s best for them to keep on the inside (do you know how you also do that to yourself?)? The timing is wrong or they’re having a bad day and taking it out on you?
Yeah, that stuff goes SPLAT on the invisible force field of Love, too.

By the way, I know that the idea of my Love Force Field might feel weird or like a lot of work or uncomfortable. I get it… new things feel that way, until they don’t.

But I created this Force Field of Love so that you could better see the TRUTH of who you are. To protect the sacred space between us. So, ultimately, you can hear my voice more clearly about the din of the world, swirling around you.

So that you can always remember that you are BELOVED.

And that only Love has the power to name who you are.

Hey y’all!
Thanks so much for engaging with me in this community. 🙏🤗🎉

When your book is featured at a local bookstore.

Y’all check out

💜 Nurture- Mind Body Spirit
1599 Main Street, Dunedin, FL 💜12-6 pm

And stay tuned for upcoming author events.

Hello, My Name is…???

As May 2021 was coming to a close, there was a little distance from my business retreat mini-unraveling and, if I’m honest with you (and myself), there was a part of me that thought that I could continue doing the same things, but cloaked under the label of my fancy new title of Chief Vision Officer.

Why am I surprised EVERY F’ING TIME that trying to do the same thing and expecting different results DOESN’T EVER WORK?!?

Sigh.

Needless to say, that wasn’t working.

So I started pulling back and eyeing the month of September as an option to take a sabbatical. The idea was to be completely out of the office. But when I was advised by my business coach to not see clients from September through the rest of the year, I literally thought I was going to pass out. They actually told me to breathe.

I did NOT agree to that when I accepted my new CVO position. This was bullsh!t

But it also resonated as being the right thing to do.

*********

As a trauma therapist, my “productivity” and therefore “worth” is calculated in the number of weekly therapy sessions.
How many people I’m helping.
How many people are healing because of the work we do together.

Let’s face it, “take the space to be creative” and “vision creator and protector” don’t have the same immediate, jaw-dropping, inspiring outcomes as helping someone resolve their long-standing, debilitating trauma.

*********
The first time I visited California, there was a little earthquake. I remember thinking “Wait a minute, how is it possible that the ear is moving beneath my feet??” I lost my sense of direction and couldn’t think clearly.

And as “trauma therapist” became less of a primary role, I felt that same sense of being unsteady on my feet. I felt the familiar fog of grief – this time, grief around my identity.

Trauma therapy wasn’t only what I did. It was who I was.

Once again, I reached out for support from someone who had taken a similar shift away from primarily being a “trauma therapist” for any guidance they could offer. Surprisingly, they said that they still consider themselves to be a trauma therapists, who serves the world in a different way.

That was comforting, because I can’t see the world through a different lens, so I began to broaden the “job description” into leaving a “Love Legacy”…

My Journey to my CVO Job Description

I’ve literally joked for YEARS about taking a sabbatical. Looking back, I think my heart knew what was coming, but my head was not hearing any of it, until the spring of last year, when my heart became more and more insistent.

There’s something about the pacing of spring that tends to leave me in a bit of a tailspin. Maybe it’s that the freshness of the new year wears off. Maybe it’s the ebbs and flows of the business. I’ve noticed it in the past, but by Spring 2021, I was really starting to FEEL how “in the weeds” I was. I remember taking a break to take a walk on the beach in April and thinking “Finally, I can BREATHE!!”

In years past, I was able to get away from this feeling with just a little break — a training, a workshop, a long weekend off — something that was just enough to take the edge off. That wasn’t going to work this time.

In May, I took a step out of the daily working IN the business to take a business retreat to work ON the business. The week away was the starting point of the unravelling.

One of the challenges of being a business owner and entrepreneur is the blessing of growth. When I first started my business, I had to do EVERYTHING because I was the only one to do ANYTHING. As the business has grown, I’ve added more and more duties to my “owner/operator” role without even considering what I should be cutting back on — simply because it’s what I’ve always done and because I didn’t want to “burden” other people.

But I was doing “all the things”, from seeing clients to supervising and leading our staff to policy making, visioning, networking, marketing, training, etc. etc. etc.

(I’m also weird in that I take satisfaction from seeing the mini-fridge filled so that our clients and therapists can grab a refreshing drink on their way into session!! Being stuck in the minutia doesn’t help.)

No wonder it got to be too much! I was pulled in too many directions. (PS, I also pretty much hate being limited by the time/space/energy continuum that we humans must abide by).

I cried during that retreat. A LOT. It was scary to be SO confronted with the truth that something had to change. I recognized that I was going to have to release control of some things, and that’s scary, too. There was some grief around the reality that I’m not super-human and able to do everything. (Hustle me was very caught up in her super-human identify. Bless her.)

I also had amazing support and was able to get some clarity around the roles that I’m good at, the ones I most enjoy, and the ones that only I can fulfill. I got even more clarity around the fact that I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing and expect different results, and that trying to do so was keeping me from being the person I most wanted to be.

So Shamon (my business + life partner) and I sat down and got super clear about the things I should focus on and wrote a job description for my new role as Chief Vision Officer.

Isn’t it fancy?? Look, I even wrote it out in my own handwriting — multicolored and everything.

I thought this new role would somehow, magically solve all of my problems.
But, if I’m honest, there was STILL a part of me that thought I would keep doing things the same way, only with this new, fancy title (yes, I AM that stubborn).

What happened is that “hustle me” rebelled and what I call an “existential apocalypse” occurred… but that’s a conversation for next time…

In the meantime, what job description is it time for you to rewrite? What role are you carrying that you haven’t taking a look at in a while to see if it’s still working for you?

Who can help you rewrite that role?

Dear Hustle You,

Creativity gets you out of hustle mode and more connected to me.

Write, sing, play an instrument, cook, dance, however you express yourself.

I can’t wait to meet you there.
Much love,
Your Reviving Heart

When God gives you all the songs that you didn’t know you needed to hear from your Spiritual Gangster playlist while you linger a little longer with your heart and your journal.

I don’t think this journal is going to last through the end of the month. I might have it filled this week.

Excited to share this conversation with The Mastering Counseling podcast.

‎Mastering Counseling: The Power of Emotion and Growth in Therapy with Yolanda Harper at Harper Therapy on Apple Podcasts ‎Show Mastering Counseling, Ep The Power of Emotion and Growth in Therapy with Yolanda Harper at Harper Therapy - Mar 7, 2024

Shout out to Shamon for pausing his heavy lifting to snap this photo of my canine-assisted shavasana after beating last week’s highest output by 2 points.

May our Monday have the best balance of effort and rest. 💗

Dear Hustle-You,

Connect with me through nature.

Wriggle your toes in the grass or the sand.
Watch a sunrise or sunset. 🌅
Sit under a tree.
Watch the rain from a front porch.

You might not see the connection.
Until you do.
Until you feel it through your body.

Give it a try.
Much love, my love,
Your Reviving Heart