Jennifer Groene LCMFT

"When Can I Say My Truth?"

This came into my feed: "Dr. Coleman is very thoughtful and skilled and offers generally excellent advice, but the advice is almost always never to push back against alienated adult children’s behavior. I would love to hear his thoughts and whether and when a parent can say, “I didn’t do many or most of things you say I did, and if you want to have me out of your life that’s your choice, but you need to acknowledge the truth.”

This is a thoughtful and important question, and I’m glad you raised it.

Many parents notice that much of my advice seems to lean toward restraint—toward not arguing with the adult child’s version of events. That can understandably feel unfair. If your child says things about you that feel exaggerated, distorted, or simply untrue, the instinct to correct the record is completely natural. Most parents want to say: That’s not what happened. That’s now who I am. That’s not what I said.

So why do I often advise caution about pushing back?

To read the rest of the article go here: https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/p/when-do-i-get-to-say-my-truth

Most people think running is just “exercise.” Or a way to lose a bit of weight. But after 16 years of running and 15 years of being a psychologist… I can tell you it’s so much more than that. Running supports your brain, your mood, your nervous system, and your capacity to cope with the invisible load so many of us are carrying. It’s definitely not a replacement for therapy or medication, but it can be a genuinely powerful part of looking after our mental health. If your brain has been dramatic lately… this one’s for you. You’re doing enough. And you are allowed to make it easier. #runnermom #runningtherapy #momsontherun #mentalhealthforrunners #anxietysupport #postnatalmentalhealth #mommentalhealth #runningcommunity #womensrunning #motherhoodunfiltered #overwhelmedmom #burnoutrecovery #nervoussystemregulation

https://www.instagram.com/p/DRNI_BcluD-/?igsh=ZXRzenJ1eWgxMXBi

Ever wondered about the science behind self-soothing? It’s your body’s natural recipe for calm. When emotions run high, techniques like deep breathing and visualization help lower your heart rate and clear your mind. It’s how you move from emotional flooding to grounded connection. The more you practice this skill, the easier it becomes to handle stress, together. Comment or DM SELF SOOTHING for a link to our full blog post.

How to Stop Blaming Yourself for Your Child’s Estrangement

If you’re the parent of an estranged adult child, there’s one emotion that almost everyone reports:

Self-blame.

It shows up fast and hits hard:
What did I miss? What did I do? What should I have said differently? Why can’t I fix this?

Even when the estrangement has multiple causes—personality differences, mental health issues, a combative coparent or stepparent, cultural shifts, a partner’s influence, or a long history of unresolved conflict—most parents default to believing it’s their fault.

But chronic guilt doesn’t lead to repair. It leads to paralysis, rumination, and a collapse of your sense of self. And it makes you less emotionally available if reconciliation does become possible.

So how do you stop blaming yourself?

Here are five truths to remember—and five practices to help you live them.

1. Estrangement Almost Never Has a Single Cause

Most estrangements are multi-causal—a web of dynamics involving history, temperament, mental health, romantic partners, social influences, developmental pressures, identity formation, and the collision of different narratives about the past.

Adult children are not blank screens. They bring their own interpretations, sensitivities, vulnerabilities, and needs.

This doesn’t mean you were perfect. It also doesn’t mean you’re the villain.

Truth: The story your child is holding is one story—not the story.

To read the rest of the article go here: https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/p/how-to-stop-blaming-yourself-for

Come to know these parents,
the human beings who held you
not knowing
how to hold themselves.

Who didn’t come into this gig
with a parenting degree or qualification,
not even instructions.
But were handed a whole, precious world
when they looked into your eyes.

They raised you
while still trying to mend
what life had broken in them.

Worked while they were exhausted.
Loved you through long,
sleepless nights.

They kept going
often through their own heartbreak,
flaws, confusion,
and coping mechanisms
they had yet
to outgrow.

Parents who maybe
didn’t always say or do the right thing.
Or loved you
in the way you needed.

It’s a heavy mantle.

But look again:

The phone call, checking in.
The sweater left folded on the bed.
The warm meal, or thought, or encouraging word.
The light left on ... just in case.

Sometimes, they were too much.
Sometimes, not enough.
And in time
they’ll come to know this better
than even you.

Perhaps behind the strictness
was fear.
Behind the distance ~ exhaustion.
Behind the silence,
the distractions:
the weight of a hard world.

They were never perfect.
No human will be.
And yes, some,
less perfect than others.

But they gave what they had.
And sometimes
more than that.

So maybe now,
as we grow into our own roles,
and life asks us to dance
steps that look achingly familiar,
we can look at them again
with wiser eyes

and grow, together.

~Not from perfection,
but through grace.

~Not because we have it all together,
but because we choose,
despite all of this difficult, messy humanness ~

to love anyway.

Rachel Alana (R.A. Falconer)
Midwives of the Soul

art | Detail. Finding Our Way Back Home
by Sam Toft. www.samtoftoriginals.co.uk


US: https://amzn.to/46o5Nbo

Helpful and important insights from Julie and John Gottman of the @gottmaninstitute about behavior patterns that ruin relationships. Noticing any of these destructive behaviors is the first step in addressing them. Check out more from the #10percenthappier pod at the link in my bio. And next week our month long series Reset continues with a focus on how you can reset your relationships. IPMF