The Burning Bush

Lately I’ve Been dealing with another battle going on within my mind.

As some of you know a few years ago I injured my lower back and left hip and for the life of me I couldn’t tell you exactly how just that it is a whole new challenge for a recovered op**te addict!

You can imagine how frightening it is for someone who can’t take pain killers ( pharma based especially ) without destroying everything I’ve worked so hard for. I’ve gone through months of horrible depression! Months where it becomes difficult to even leave home!

For almost 2 years I tried filing for disability to get help for this and was ignored and told mostly because COVID was just starting when I started needing the help. To this day I’ve not even had a conversation with someone in person for help. I finally gave up and started delivering food and groceries as much as I possibly can

Now I’m definitely making things worse but still need to take care of myself and my family. The stress that comes with feeling completely helpless and my mind telling me how not only Am I hurting myself but my wife and daughter as well then dealing with the always lingering addict mind it’s not been easy at all.

I’ve found more natural alternatives that helps with pain, stress, sleep, depression etc… but I can only do it at night. The effects seem to last mostly throughout the day but the more active I am the more likely I’m making things worse 🤬🤬

I’ve learned to do my best in giving my stress and pain to God but as the humans we are it’s so much easier to take that back and suffer more. I don’t believe God wants me to suffer just because of my past mistakes and I hope I don’t reach a point that pain meds are absolutely needed. Luckily I have a support system if that day comes.

As a man and the society we grew up in. I sometimes find it even harder to learn to relax and rest till I can work more. Instead my mind goes on and on about how I’m now not even man enough to do basic things consistently. I Have no issue with leaning on my wife but I do have an issue with feeling like she is doing it all and it’s my fault.

This post today is more or less me looking for advice from people that have been through this ( even if you’re not an addict ) so please don’t hesitate to leave a comment. Maybe someone else is also dealing with this and they could hear it also.

Good morning! Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. This story is going to be one I’m dealing with daily. I don’t want to just tell my past stories.

A couple years ago I hurt my back and for my whole life I’ve been able to do labor work which is what I’m best at. That abruptly changed overnight for me and has continued to get worse. ( we can not afford insurance at the time ) on top of that Remember my addiction is pain meds op**tes of any kind.

So you can imagine how scared that has made me. Now that I may actually need the pain meds I couldn’t take them if my life depended on it and that’s extremely difficult for a recovered addict. So I’ve found more natural ways to help me be able to deal with it and still do my best to work to take care of my family. ( it amazes me that our Government allows pills legally that destroy you but not w**d and that’s cause it works better and you don’t have to get on other meds to get off those meds and on and on )

As most of you know as addicts once we start stressing about anything we can really take it to the extreme. It can completely take over your mind and affect you mentally and physically

With the grace of God and my amazing wife so far we have made it work. Having a little faith and putting it into action can and does help.

I still have a lot of room to grow. I’m not perfect and don’t always handle things the way I hope to one day. I’m here to tell you though that even with all the stress, the pain, the sleepless nights God has been there carrying me through. Only a few times has it even crossed my mind to get pain meds and that’s when I talk with my wife
Cause if I don’t talk about it my mind will convince me that’s it’s a good idea and I’ll be ok

I’ve learned I have to have someone I trust to vent with plus God cause my mind is my worst enemy! another reason I started this page for people to have a place to read the stories and post if they want. But maybe 1 person today reads this and sees how much I still struggle with things but my life is absolutely amazing today and you can do it also.

* If anyone has any ideas for the page I’m open to hearing any. If you don’t want to post but need to talk you can always message me

The goal of this page will be for all of us to tell our experiences and hopefully Attract new brothers.

This is my first try at doing a page like this. I won’t act as if I know the Bible more than anyone or that I study it daily because that is a lie. I do enjoy both but need that to be known so Hopefully those trolls seee this and realize they can’t attack my character later.

I hope to learn something from each person who Joins this group. I will also be welcoming suggestions that may help me run the page better or get people more active.

I will repost my first 6 stories here soon. So new people can see them.

Rules: We are all adults and this page is to help others or get help yourself cause sometimes we don’t even realize we need it until we talk. Great people right or I will have to move you.

Please be patient while I figure it all out and thank you for supporting my new group to help as many people as possible! Become fishers of men

Thank you Jesus
I wouldn’t be doing this had you not loved all of us! *pic for effect

I believe God has put it on my heart to start talking about some of the ways God has revealed himself to me over the years. I am so hard headed that I still struggle with knowing if that’s him or myself if you know what I mean but I’ll have a little faith.

While I was in active addiction and much younger. I had a close friend that was an amazing singer. He sang at church and talked with all of us about God. I never knew how much I was actually listening but those things stuck with me. I still believe to this day he was an angel 😇

When we would go out for whatever reason he would say if I die tonight would you come to my funeral ( or something like that I can’t remember word for word I was 16 maybe ) He truly loved people even with his flaws it’s also what stuck with me.

1 night He said it again but this time it was different for some reason. He knew it was as well ( at least that’s how I see it ) I’ll never forget getting the news to what happened the next morning. He got in a wreck and passed away.
Again this story is bits and pieces in my head so bare with me. Another close friend was the one driving so I knew he didn’t do it on purpose if that’s what you’re thinking plus the driver lived.

I’m sure some of y’all will know who I am talking about. It’s not my place to say his name or the other person name. To this day God still puts him on my heart. He was the original person that got me to start believing in God even though to this day I still struggle. I’m not perfect but I do strive to be better daily.

I’ll post some more stories over the next week. Hopefully it helps 1 person who may need to hear that no matter what you are going through God is still there. Don’t give up. God absolutely uses people to reach us even when we don’t realize it

*My goal with this ove is to show people no matter how bad life has been God can help you find a way. God can use others to help you. Anyone who joins the group will be able to tell their stop and have fun with it. Absolutely no bullying or making fun of the person who is being vulnerable telling the story. I’m open to suggestions as well.

Since the stories I’ve been posting has received great feedback I’m creating a page for people to join if they want

The goal will be to tell our stories the Good, bad and the ugly. Obviously the good and what you learned last or however you
Like I’m still bouncing around how to do this

Anyone can post a testimony about how Godhas been revealed ( I’ll repost the few I have already so y’all can get an idea ) It’s supposed to be Serious and this group won’t be for the easily offended if you don’t like other peoples stories or advice they give.

I want to make it as fun as possible. Create incentives for people to be more active and so on. Y’all can join but I’m still setting it up so please be patient with me.

God bless everyone and have an amazing day. Stories coming soon 🔜