Fosters Life Coaching

I'd like to share my latest blog post. Life Changing Transitions!

Life Changing Transitions - Fosters Life Coaching It was almost paralyzing—not just emotionally, but in my sense of direction. It felt like I didn’t have any grasp on what was next. My normal responses to life felt inaccessible. No one really tells you how profound these feelings will be. And honestly, it wouldn’t matter, because every person...

https://mailchi.mp/f7e9712eb367/december-news-from-kim-foster-koen

Fall Update From Kim Foster - https://mailchi.mp/d2df7cd2c597/fall-update-from-kim-foster

🎯I think almost everyone who gets in an argument or has a misunderstanding,has a goal or expectation of the outcome. Sometimes, there are different motives. 😳

📖I think the way we learn to resolve differences is crucial!

😊Some of us are really blessed and get to see this modeled and integrated into their family “policy.”
What I’ve seen over the years in coaching, is just the opposite.
Most just aren’t given those helpful tools.

One of the most important parts is learning that being right, rarely brings understanding.

🕊️Understanding sustains connection and builds trust!

I get kinda cringy when I hear… “you’re right.”(Of course there are reasons that it’s good to be right)
But in the context of relationship there’s more value in understanding, compromise, learning more about one another and staying connected!

Instead of your right, how about:
>>>Thanks for talking this through; I understand now.
>>>That makes more sense.
>>>I think we are more on the same page than we were thinking!
>>>Let’s decide that there’s nothing wrong with us not always agreeing on everything.
>>>Thats spot on!
>>>You are correct! (Love that one)

Need more help with powerful conversations? I got you!

A few more ways to show yourself self-kindness!

Talk to yourself like someone you love!

• Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness or meditation to stay present and reduce stress. This can help you develop a kinder attitude towards yourself and your experiences.
• Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or professionals when you need support. Allowing yourself to lean on others is a form of self-kindness.
• Forgive Yourself: Understand that everyone makes mistakes. Instead of dwelling on errors, focus on learning from them and moving forward with compassion.
• Create a Comforting Routine: Develop daily or weekly rituals that bring you joy and relaxation, such as a favorite hobby, a comforting beverage, or a calming evening routine.
• Nourish Your Body: Eat nourishing foods, exercise in ways that feel good, and ensure you get adequate rest. Taking care of your physical health is a vital part of self-kindness.
• Reflect on Your Strengths: Regularly remind yourself of your strengths and positive qualities. This can help build self-esteem and reinforce a positive self-view.
• Be Patient with Yourself: Understand that growth and change take time. Be patient with your progress and recognize that it’s okay to take things one step at a time.
• Create a Gratitude Practice: Spend a few minutes each day reflecting on things you’re grateful for. This can shift your focus towards the positive aspects of your life.
• Learn to Relax: Incorporate relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, or gentle stretching, into your routine to manage stress and foster a sense of calm.

Thank you for all the Birthday loves yesterday! I’m a really blessed woman!

What If They Won’t Come?
One of the questions I’ve heard continuously over the years is…. What if my spouse won’t engage in coaching or counseling? It’s a good question, because when the answer is no, it can be a little daunting. It creates frustration, disappointment, and some may feel a sense of rejection.
It creates additional questions, right? Like, why won’t they do this? Do they still value our relationship? How did we get here? Is there something I don’t know? Why wouldn’t they want to try everything they could to improve the relationship and get back to the love and appreciation we once held for each other?
There are many reasons why a partner can decide they just don’t want to invest time working on the relationship:
They may not have the same level of concern you do about the state of the marriage.
Sometimes as we grow up, we learn from our family that we don’t need a coach or counselor. There are other ways to get help. We don’t share our private issues with others.
Pride. Frequently, people don’t want to admit they are in trouble.
They have decided they no longer have the same feelings they once had.
They fear the help “won’t work.”
They have become involved with someone else.
As a relationship coach, my goal is to bring hope to you!
There is no love without hope, no hope without love, and neither hope nor love without faith. St Augustine
Another good question is, what can I accomplish on my own? Here are just a few good solutions for individual care.
Re-establishing a sense of true self. Many times, when we are in an unhealthy or unhappy relationship, we lose important pieces of who we are. You get to be the biggest part of bringing YOU back to YOU!
You can learn new ways of communicating with your spouse that keep the conversation open. Asking for your needs to be met with a positive intention.
Tip: It’s not through complaining to them about what they don’t do.
It’s learning about your beliefs and how they are currently being met. (or not) And learning new beliefs/truths that will serve you so much better going forward. Face it, we don’t have to keep remembering and practicing the old way!

We work on healing attachment wounds from childhood, so that you become a more secure partner. This way you are not giving all of yourself without boundaries…always anxious to please. Reactive and defensive; making it hard to give or receive feedback. Or, hesitant or avoidant to handle hardship or speak vulnerably with your spouse. Perhaps you were born into chaos where nothing felt safe. Your needs were not met, and you had to figure everything out on your own, learning behaviors that won’t escalate a parent’s mood or behaviors.
Whatever the case, we learn about it and then learn how to heal from it! This dramatically improves your confidence and emotional security around your spouse.
Did anyone teach you how to resolve conflict without a big blow up or shut down? Or how to regulate your emotions?
Most people don’t learn these important skill sets from their parents, or anybody for that matter. Well, I got you! Conflict is a normal and inevitable part of life! When we learn powerful tools to help us regulate, communicate and bring understanding and resolution to each other; I call that a powerful conversation!
Faith factor! I love working with people of faith just as much as people who may not have a specific source or power, comfort, peace and assuredness.

For me it’s the potent ingredient at the center of everything we come to believe in and put into practice for our life. The bible is packed full of wisdom, love and encouragement. It gives us the hope that, no matter what, we are held, nurtured and supported.

So back to the question! What if they won’t come?
Start for yourself! Grow, heal, develop a strong mindset, add the necessary skill sets you need. Watch how things change for you. When one person makes changes in the marriage it affects the equilibrium of the relationship. The choice is theirs. Trust in the process. Invite them into the help available and let their decision inform you.
There are exceptions of course! There is no need to subject yourself to years of physical, emotional/mental, or narcissistic abuse. Get the help you need and hold them accountable to get the help they need.
For a deeper understanding, and ways to navigate these times, please reach out for a complimentary appointment to learn more. https://fosterslifecoaching.as.me/Discovery