Relationship Solutions

Due to inclement weather our office is closed today, January 26, 1026. Our policy is to close the office for severe weather if Fort Smith Public Schools close.

Effective apologies have a structure to them.

First, acknowledge and comfort the pain you caused. This isn't intuitive for a lot of us. We usually want to lead with an explanation, an excuse, or a defense.

"I didn't mean to!"
"That's not what I meant."
"If you hadn't..."

When we first focus on our intentions, we minimize or dismiss the pain in the other person. Just because I accidentally step on your toes, that doesn't mean it hurts any less. Sore toes are sore toes.

Instead of focusing on our intentions, we should first acknowledge the impact of our actions.

"I'm so sorry. I see how much that hurt you."

After we have acknowledged and soothed the pain, the other person is more likely to hear your explanation of why you did what you did. There probably is context and if you have a good explanation, they need to hear it. It just needs to happen in the right order.

1. Acknowledge the IMPACT of your actions.
2. Explain your INTENT.

We love you, mom.

Agree or disagree with this quote? I'm on the fence. I think honest and open dialogue involves being willing to hear and understand the perspective of someone else. I'm on the fence about "suspending my certainty". I think I agree with the spirit of what he's trying to say. Thoughts?

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. - C.S. Lewis

If we focus on what the other person is doing wrong, our longing is often overlooked. By focusing on what we need and/or desire, the message is clearer and our chances improve to get the response we want.

This is so good.

Instead of waiting (and waiting) for the perfect time to start so you can do it perfectly, start today. Let it be messy. Let it be imperfect. Let it be a little embarrassing. Just start. Better to crawl for a mile than wait forever to take a perfect first step.

To your progress!