Phynixx da blogga

https://bluebirdznest.blogspot.com/?m=1

Caption: Embracing my natural beauty with black attire and curly hair! 💁🏽‍♀️✨

I have always wondered what its like

To live your life

In a a normal state of mind

Cuz see my mind is constantly battling my heart

And that’s caused me to do so much toxic bu****it-

I have allowed myself to be hurt in order to know what the opposite of love is

But then I hurt the ones who love me because in my mind its like everybodys out to get me

In some way I just want this s**t to go away im so tired of feelin

Like im just some kind of test

And everyone -who takes the test of me

Is always a cheat

But now I -am just a lil more careful who I let around me

But the snake is in the grass just waitin to bite me

And its like I walk into the fangs knowing the outcome but still choosing to walk into

The venoumous reason why ill probably be dead soon

I hate to split that s**t is sthe worst its like watchin me but shes the worst version

Of somebody who once upon ago was whole until that one thing made her scared and broke her

If I was at the borderline about to jump over hurdles to fix me id never let you have seen this side of me

I hate how I lose my s**t at the smallest trigger

It shouldn’t be that easy for me to crash out and wake up and

Have your heart in the blender

I love you but I don’t love me and I don’t know how you can love me when I cant understand why I want your love so bad but I am gonna push you away until you want nothing to do with me

That’s the part that hurts the most

Knowing this is not the me I was when you first met me

That’s another split a good one tho cuz I was so happy n s**t

I self medicate to relieve all the pain that’s internally killing me

but nothing subsides just sitting here high with tears in my eyes

blaming you for all the others that I manipulated in to me being the victim and them ending up

in that other bitch bed



its not your fault you should not have to take on the tears

the anger the doubts the suicidal thoughts

I create this s**t

Every time

But that’s just whats its like having a personality that’s borderline

Let me paint you a picture of the reality
Of living life
As a dope fein
That 20 is never going to be enough
You’ll call the dealer again
Inhale the smoke that soothes your
Soul
And takes your mind to places unknown
You used to smoke for the fun of it
But deep down its cuz you wanted to mask some s**t
Hide away all the bruises that you know are there
Even tho they have faded away
It started out so simple didn’t it
Now your in the bathroom floor with some foil a spoon and a needle
You were the prom queen they said
But now you just wish the life you had
Would have never happened
And that the fairy tale it was supposed to be
Was everything you turned out to be
You are In denial of the truth
And that’s why you have arms with track scars as proof
Itching scratching away at the nothing that is your oblivious imagination
Addiction is like hell but we on earth talking and breathing
Battling that demon
You cant blame anyone for this s**t but yourself
You had it all at one point in time
But now your just sick all the time
The dope is so good you will do anything for it
So you spread your legs for $20 or $30 dollars
You got him off and all you got was a hit
And that’s not gonna last long
So you jumpin in and out of cars
All night long
You are chasing the dragon but the dragon isn’t there
And it just isn’t fair how you fu**ed your life up
And made the choice to go from a QUEEN to a ju**ie
I mean a feein or whatever you wanna call it however you wanna be seen
The love you never had as a kid you swear you’ll find it in
A foil wit fent in it
But there is no love in that s**t
Just arrests, court dates, sickness and regret
It’s a point you know when the high aint high enough
And it doesn’t numb your pan away
So you shoot up some more and then your body drops

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High as we are we dance among the stars just you and I high above the sky only us we are limitless in our possibilities just our love surrounding us and lifting us higher into the sky into the heavens we pray to get into but may never make it cuz sinning is our passion and we are oh so good at it

You like to snort i like to smoke its crazy we so different with how we do our dope but at the end of the line and the final hit of the bowl its just us against the world and we are high above it all
You are my world and I am your stars together make up the galaxy
Amazing as we shine and glide thru this interplanetary system that seems only visible to us as we get high on the dope that allows us to cope with the past pains, current irritations and frustrations and the future what ifs we are bound to contemplate
Arise my love and we shall conquer all that stands before us
To be united together for ever
Our souls bind for eternity
We are high
High above the skies
Just you and me
My soulmate and i

Phyni # # # da blogga