Primal Transformations

Self discovery rarely happens without stretching our comfort zones.

We learn so much about ourselves when we experience new places, try new things, meet new people, and experiment with different ways of doing things.

Like many people, I'm pretty attached to my comfort zone. I mean, who wants to risk being uncomfortable?!

But it's only when I've risked the discomfort of new experiences that I've discovered places I never would've imagined, hobbies I'd never considered, and wonderful people I wouldn't have met otherwise.

One of the benefits of aging is the accumulated wisdom that our lives can become small, predictable, and stale if we aren't intentional.

And our brain suffers as well without opportunities to enhance neuroplasticity!

Neuroplasticity is the brain's remarkable, lifelong ability to adapt, reorganize, and rewire itself.

We enhance neuroplasticity by learning new skills, visiting new places, trying new hobbies - even simple things like driving a different route home!

When we challenge brain with new experiences, our chances of maintaining cognitive function in the decades to come improves exponentially, allowing us to live more vibrant lives.

It also makes us more interesting people. 🗺️🧠💪

At this point, I'm not sure the shift would even be noticeable. 😂

Getting curious about what's underneath big emotions can give us clarity on both the problem and potential solutions.

If a client tells me that cooking healthy meals feels overwhelming, I ask questions until we discover the specific things that feel frustrating/difficult/time consuming.

It's uncanny how simple solutions seem to present themselves almost immediately once we identify the specific areas of frustration!

The post below helps extrapolate this strategy to every aspect of our lives.

"When you hear yourself say, "I just can't do this anymore," here are some things you might actually
mean:

1. "I'm all alone" might mean:
I need help and can't continue without support.

2. "I'm moving at a pace that's not my own" might mean:
I need to re-evaluate my capacity.

3. "l've lost my voice" might mean: I need courage to speak

4. "I'm exhausted" might mean:
I need spiritual and/or physical renewal.

5. "I'm sad" might mean:
I need time and support to process grief, disappointment, or heartbreak.

6. "I'm confused" might mean:
I can't do this in the way I'm doing it now and I need to make a change.

7. "I'm afraid" might mean:
I need to know I'm going to be okay.

8. "I'm re-evaluating my work" might mean:
I need to know my options and take steps to make a change."

Credit: P. Freeman

Not sure about you, but this makes so much sense to me. When I'm in the midst of a stressful situation, problem solving - even simple, obvious solutions - seems to go straight out the window!

Lexy's post helped me understand why this happens and how helpful it can be to borrow other people's curiosity + solution seeking abilities when ours is offline.

"One of the first things survival mode steals from us is curiosity.

Survival mode narrows your attention until all you can see is what needs fixing, what could go wrong, and what to be on the look out for.

And that's a brilliantly adaptive and intelligent part of our nervous system trying to keep us safe.

But it also means that our nervous systems do not just need to feel "calm" in order to feel safe again, they need access to curiosity again.

To be able to expand the tunnel vision, to fully take in your environment with wonder instead of threat.

The more we show our body what it's like to be curious again, the more neural pathways form in the direction of safety, presence and aliveness.

And your body deserves to not just survive but to feel alive."

Credit: Lexy Florentina

This lovely woman persuaded me to come out for a belated birthday celebration. We danced, laughed and enjoyed the warm, beautiful evening.

I felt joy I haven't felt in a long time and I remembered how imperative it is to find things that make you feel alive.

I won't forget again. 🪅

You think becoming your best self will feel powerful.

It won't. It'll feel like dying.

Growth isn't pretty. It's not smooth.

It's a breakdown.

It's the death of your old self. On repeat.

Just when you think you've gotten to where you want to be, you realise you still have so much further to go.

And that's tough.

You'll feel lost. You'll question everything.

Some days you'll win, some days you'll lose.

But that's the price of ambition; transformation. Expanding into your potential is painful.

You have to tear down the walls of comfort, break the chains of what holds you back and bet on yourself.

It's painful.

But it's glorious and it's worth it.

Because on the other side of that death of the old you is who you could be.

"Here is the thing about disrepair: it doesn't usually look like a breakdown.

More like a highly competent woman in her forties or fifties showing up for everything and everyone, keeping all the wheels on, checking all the boxes, and who is also, somewhere inside, just barely enduring.

The car still runs, and the lights are on, but the woman driving has not done maintenance on herself in years, and she knows it, and she has no idea how to stop long enough to do it.

I recognize this woman.

Hell, I have been this woman."

~Jen Hatmaker

Link to the whole post is in the comments.

If any of this resonated, it's well worth the three minute read.

Credit: Jen Hatmaker

I thought I had healed the majority of the "hustle for your worth" conditioning.

When an unexpected puppy landed in my life, all the margin I had created in my schedule suddenly disappeared. Overnight, I had to figure out how to balance competing needs and let a number of things go.

This revealed the unhealed parts of me that were still performative, perfectionist, and people pleasing.

I still want to do all the things and be there for everyone in the same way that I simply can't and certainly not without driving my mental and physical health into the ground.

I am doing my best to view this as an opportunity to heal parts of me that still needed tending. I'm not going to lie, though, it's uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, renegotiating boundaries with people who have come to expect us to do and be a certain way can be thorny.

Even those who say they want us to take care of ourselves may react negatively when it impacts themselves directly.

This is why many of us find ourselves asking for permission instead of communicating what we can and can't do.

It's a bit depressing to be 58 and still have the impulse to make sure no one is mad at me when I'm barely finding time to eat and sleep! 😆

It was this realization that helped me reframe this as an opportunity to be a more consistent, confident advocate for myself - even when it's uncomfortable.

Giving from an empty cup leads to resentment. It's damaging to our health and undermines our ability to trust ourselves.

Yes, process this with people who have your back.

But also begin to practice trusting your own wisdom about what you need/can do *without* seeking permission from others.

Deal? ❤️

I'll go waaaay further. When we feel like we're falling behind for any number of reasons, guilt can lock us up, making if feel insurmountable to get going again.

Any little bit we can do to prevent coming to a standstill while we're getting through a rough patch will make for an easier on-ramp on the other side.

Restarts are a part of life but they're FAR easier if our habits are flexible enough to accommodate life's inevitable challenges. ❤️