Garret Casto

My cat just knocked over a lamp and then acted like it was a planned redecoration. Very avant-garde.

My phone autocorrects "caffeine" to "lifeblood." It knows me too well.

My cat just judged me for singing in the shower. Little does he know, I'm practicing for my future career as a rockstar

Accidentally waved at someone who wasn't waving at me. Now I'm just pretending I was stretching my arm. Smooth.

Tried to go for a run. Ended up going for a walk and calling it "interval training." Hey, it still counts, right?

My dog just stole my sandwich and gave me a look that said, "You snooze, you lose." Jokes on him; I have more sandwiches.

If procrastination were an Olympic sport, I'd probably compete in it. Eventually.

I'm not saying I'm a coffee addict, but I've considered replacing my blood with espresso.

The only thing I'm committed to is my Netflix subscription