Heights In Heels

My ED sure has some claw marks.

I didn’t want to let it go.

My ED was safe and secure.

The rules my ED gave me made me feel in control.

It’s not something I wanted to let go of.

But, when it started controlling me, holding me hostage within my own mind, I realized that what I thought was helping me was hurting me.

What I thought gave me control actually took control.

And when I tried to let it go, it took everything in my to keep my claws out of it. It took me 20 years and an ED treatment facility to finally say “I’m done.”

And there are days that feel like living back in those rules would feel better- that life would just be easier.

But I know that those days my head is full of lies from my ED.

So yea, my ED has claw marks. I wanted to hold onto the rules and “safety” that it brought me so badly. Sometimes I still want that.

But I always remind myself that my Eating Disorder had to be left in the past so that I could actually live my life thinking of something other than food. So that I could actually live. So that I could participate in life. So that I could accomplish things that God had planned for me. So that I can continue to live in obedience to Him.

It’s time to let go. It’s time to leave that claw marked Eating Disorder behind.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. A holiday focused on food. I had a conversation recently about how I can change that though. Others might be focused on the food, but I can be focused on the family and the relationships. It’s all about where your choose to shift your perspective.

If thanksgiving is hard for you too, I get it. Don’t set yourself up for failure tomorrow by going into the thanksgiving gathering and trying to be perfect. Think about what bothers you the most, adjust your plans accordingly, and then focus on what you do actually enjoy about the holiday.

What you choose to focus on this thanksgiving can have the power to make this thanksgiving the best one you’ve had yet.