Sports Time Machine

BILLY J. … People at the party who ask for a small sliver of birthday cake without much icing need to re-evaluate their life.

BILLY J. … An eyelash's main job is to keep things out of your eye. But nine times out of 10, when you get something in your eye, it's an eyelash! … Isn't that eyeronic?

BILLY J. … How are unicorns fake but giraffes are real? What's more believable? A horse with a horn or a galloping, cheetah-camel with a 20 foot neck?

BILLY J. … In ALL these years I’ve been writing these jokes I’ve NEVER been serious. This is the FIRST TIME: Could all of you please donate that tiny white plastic dining table from your pizza delivery to a mouse family in need? Thank you.😇

BILLY J. … BIG NEWS! … We just cancelled our Netflix subscription! So if we have this figured out right, in 2 months we should be able to buy that Maserati we’ve always wanted!

BILLY J. … So my neighbor’s husband started talking to her while she was eating Doritos. She couldn't hear a word he was saying. Now she thinks she may be onto something BIG!

BILLY J. … Interesting fact: Jesus once turned w**e BACK into water while attending a wedding reception and watching people do the Chicken Dance!

BILLY J. … My neighbor’s wife had the flu so bad her husband had to carry her into the kitchen to make him a sandwich.

BILLY J. … Many people will tell you circumcision is no big deal. I beg to differ. I had the procedure when I was BORN and couldn’t walk for over a year!

BILLY J. … Before you join a meal kit delivery service, please read this: Pizza comes to your house already cooked.