Sports Time Machine

BILLY J. … How did I get so smart? … Are you upset because you don’t go to the fitness center often enough? Well, join this place that has a REVERSE MEMBERSHIP! YOU pay $150/month BUT they give you $5.00 every time you show up! Wha La!

BILLY J. … Just a thought? If ALL of us sign up for TSA PreCheck…then NONE of us have TSA PreCheck. … Right?

BILLY J. … So this morning I make scrambled eggs, sausage and home fries FOR Karen. Is she happy? NO! She complains because I didn’t make toast! … She say’s she’s “Lack Toast Intolerant!”.

BILLY J. … The spaghetti seemed a little mushy? Maybe because Karen couldn’t drain the pasta because I was using the colander to view the eclipse?

BILLY J. … I feel bad for people who don’t like beer? What do they do at a baseball game…watch them play?

BILLY J. … I wish grandparents got field trips. Why are they just going to McDonald’s every morning sitting with old people like that's all there is to life??? Take them to the aquarium. Take them to the zoo. Take them to a museum. They’re tired of free coffee. They want to see penguins!

BILLY J. … You can REALLY save money shopping at T.J. MAXX or Marshalls. Find any 3 things you want, then look at the line waiting to pay…then put the three things back and leave!

BILLY J. … Went to dinner last night with Karen and ordered a steak. Waitress asks, “How would you like that cooked?” I responded, “Like winning an argument with my wife.” … Waitress says, “Rare it is!”

BILLY J. … I’m heading to Florida on Thursday. I have to wear 2nd and 3rd string underwear for the next few days because I already packed the starting lineup for vacation.

BILLY J. … Well? That didn’t go well. Yesterday was my first day at Fin, Feather & Fur Outdoor Store. They started me in the Gun Deparment. First customer asked me for an air rifle? So, I mimed shooting a rifle, then handed it to him and told him it was on sale for $149.00.