Saber Coaching

For a lot of guys, who you are is what you do, at least in the earning years.

Then work starts to feel like less of a focus, you look around, and you're smack dab in the middle of what they call the friendship recession.

Here's how it happens, and it's rarely dramatic.

The quarterly meetup to talk about goals falls away.

The running group fades.

The brewery closes.

Then pickleball, and too many injuries.

None of it is a falling out, just calendars that slowly stopped overlapping.

The numbers back it up.

Only about 1 in 5 men get their emotional support from friends, and that weight often lands on a spouse instead.

We were mostly taught to be self-sufficient, not connected, so reaching out first was never really the script we were handed.

But connection after a certain age stops being automatic, and it becomes a choice.

The friends you want are usually one message away, and it rebuilds the moment someone goes first.

Who have you been meaning to reach out to, and what has been stopping you? Share your thoughts in the comments below 👇

The hardest part about senior leadership is fighting the urge to pick a side.

When you reach the VP level, people look to you to break ties and make the strategic calls.

Years ago, that was easier.

You could gather information from a few trusted people, make the old pro-con list, figure out which side was stronger, and off you went.

But today's challenges are nuanced.

They require speed and careful consideration at the same time.

They require a strategic long view and an executable short-term plan.

I watched two co-leaders go back and forth like a tennis match, one certain AI had to lead the strategy, the other convinced that building the next level of leaders mattered most.

So I asked a different question.

How might you move forward assuming you're both right?

Not a watered-down compromise, but a strategy that brings out the best of both.

That's when the real work of paradoxical thinking begins.

Where in your leadership are you forcing an either-or that might actually be a both?
Share your thoughts in the comments below 👇

Every team says they want more trust, but no one takes the time to define it.

When I work with leaders, co-founders, and teams, I often use a simple equation for reflection from The Trusted Advisor.

Trustworthiness equals credibility plus reliability plus intimacy, divided by self-interest.

Most leaders score themselves high on credibility and reliability. They've earned the title, they deliver on what they say, and that's how they got the role in the first place.

The growth edge is almost always the other two:

🔹 Intimacy, the willingness to be real, to share something honest, to let people see you

🔹 Self-interest, the part of the equation that quietly divides everything above it when it runs too high

As pre-work, I have leaders reflect on how trustworthy they are and identify one to two actions they could take to grow it.

Then I break them into duos and have them share, one at a time, while the other listens without interruption.

The tone softens. Peers start telling each other real things, like "you're a tough grader," or "I heard something I didn't expect today."

Self-awareness plus intimacy starts to move people closer. They quietly change their own behavior, and that undefinable thing called trust starts to grow.

Which part of the trust equation is the biggest growth edge for you right now? Share your thoughts in the comments 👇

Image credit: The Trusted Advisor

What if a good day only required doing three things?

If your habits feel like a light switch, all on or all off, both can be exhausting.

Start by writing all your daily shoulds: reading, exercise, eating healthy, pushups, seeing friends. The list will be huge.

Then commit to doing three a day. More is fine, all is impossible.

Mark each day on the calendar and aim to create an unbreakable chain.

What three shoulds would you commit to this week? Drop your list in the comments 👇