Small Steps. Big Change. Podcast

Recently I was at an event, and my recovery story came up. The person I was talking to mentioned that I must be “so happy these days.” Happy isn’t the first word that comes to mind, however. Some days I am happy, sure, but other days I am sad. I get mad like anyone else, and I feel and in turn show disappointment often. The commonality these days is that I am feeling everything. I used to run from these feelings and avoid them at all costs. I would numb myself to feel the slightest bit of something, and most of the time to feel nothing at all. So sure, I am happier these days than I have been in close to 20 years, but not always.

The truth is that I never felt capable of these feelings. So to feel them in their entirety, I feel fully human. No matter the day, I am feeling good even when things aren’t great. The bold and outspoken self love and awareness that I have is because I consistently FEEL human. I am present, and I am capable of handling hard times. Life is unpredictable and never fair. My life in recovery gives me the strength to handle life no matter how life decides to show up. And that is authentic power— a power no one can take from me again.

Recently I crossed 3.5 years in recovery after many years abusing alcohol and using co***ne. Around the same time, I was also asked why I post/share my story so publicly.

The answer is simple—visibility and representation. There were so many moments and opportunities throughout my 16+ year battle where I had the chance to change the trajectory of my life and get healthy— and I didn’t. Why did I hold off for so long? I ask myself this question often. When I reflect back on those 16 years, I see a void when it comes to seeing people thrive in recovery. We are so conditioned in surviving that we forget that we are worthy of thriving.

By sharing my story, I hope that I can help the many versions of me that didn’t have the strength to change. The 17 year old Andrew who cared more about how they were going to hide the 30 rack of beer for the weekend from their parents than studying for their next exam. The 21 year old Andrew that didn’t feel comfortable in college and needed to blackout every chance they had to feel a sense of belonging. The 24 year old Andrew that didn’t know how to deal with the pressures of adulting and turned to booze to numb the pain. The 30 year old Andrew who felt so lost in the Boston LGBTQ community that being the guy who always had the “blow” to share was my way of feeling like I mattered.

If I can impact any of those former versions of me by sharing my truth, I always will. Why? Because it’s not about me anymore. I am good. I am thriving. I am living my best life. I know the formula that brings me peace and I work at keeping it going every single day. Being loud and proud regardless of my struggle is about healing those that are currently battling and showing them that even on their darkest days they matter, and that they too, can have a second chance at life.

In honor of 1200 days in recovery. Endlessly grateful for the opportunities I have every single day, and for not constantly being exhausted. Rest is underrated. 😂

I am thankful that I lost you because I found every part of me. 38 months and so many more to go. 🚫🍸

So many people post about their past choices and the pain that these choices have brought to them. I am one of them and believe wholeheartedly that storytelling and vulnerability save lives. HOWEVER, people often forget to take responsibility for their actions and instead favor blaming others.

Well, Spoiler Alert. Until you take ownership for the role you’ve played in your own life, you will never find the peace you are searching for. I’m all about waking up one day and believing that you deserve better, but don’t take the easy way out and blame others. Long term healing begins when we take responsibility for our actions, evaluate why we made certain choices (including acknowledging the environments we were in and the people we were around), and eventually use these moments to lay down a new foundation. But none of it happens without taking personal responsibility. Because the reality is, rebuilding is not failing, however, simply renovating when the foundation is unstable is only a temporary fix. Unsettled pain will only further your trauma in the long run. Rip the band-aid off and heal the wound. It will free you from the past and allow you to authentically rebuild. Because there is nothing more inspiring than knowing that your past has no power over you.

Celebrating my three year REBIRTH today (and every day). The below video shares more of my story, and how my life has changed.

https://youtu.be/Saq62JubEPA

Celebrating THREE years in recovery by sharing my story #recovery #sobriety #resilience #trauma My name is Drew Sullivan, and this is my story. For as long as I can remember, I have always felt different. Whether it was constantly being in trouble as a ...

Saturday vibes.
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