Effective Parenting N.a. East

What parenting move did you make today to replace controlling with allowing?

“Stop crying and listen to me.”

When a child is caught up in strong emotion, this is not time to give advice, soothe feelings, give constructive feedback, console, or engage in solution-seeking.

THEY CAN NOT HEAR YOU!

Try just listening and Nurturing instead until they are calm.

Tots and teens.

Happy new year!!!!

These days of tiny arms wrapped around our necks can feel exhausting. Like we’re in a never ending tug of war being pulled in too many directions. We find ourselves asking if our children need more than we have to give.

These days of early parenthood can make us feel unproductive, like we’ve achieved nothing or that we’re not enough.

But the truth is that these days will pass all too soon. These days are a gift. And we will look back and trade anything to relive one more day where not much happened. We’ll miss their tiny fingers poking our faces and pulling our hair and we’ll realize that this, this was the most important work of our lives. This is our legacy.

As hard as it may be these moments are making our families sacred. Your sacrifices are forging unshakable bonds with your children.

No matter what the tiny voice inside your head says you are ALWAYS enough. More than enough. You are the sun and the moon and the stars. You are the ocean and the sky. You are their world.

So lean in mama. When it gets tough don’t hide. Don’t run for cover. Don’t disconnect and fall for the notion that we need to instill independence. Bravely meet their needs for dependence. Hold them close and trust that true and strong independence will come. Meet their needs for connection and feel yourself being softened by the warmth and breadth of your own unconditional love.

Give yourself the grace and space you need to do so. And lean on us, your village, when you need to.

Celebrate these days of tiny arms wrapped around your neck for what they are - a precious and fleeting gift.

📷:  💛 


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🌻Practical, peaceful parenting resources: Link in bio🌻
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www.LRKnost.com

Fighting a rare, incurable cancer, but I'm still here!💞 L.R.

Recognizing Learned Helplessness.....

Must find a balance...Gordon Model can help.

Every strength has a corresponding challenge and every challenge has a corresponding strength.

🌱The inattentive child may be a deep thinker.
🌱The uncooperative child may be a good leader.
🌱The emotionally-charged child may be gifted with exceptional empathy.
🌱The rule-defying child may be an out-of-the-box innovator.

When faced with challenging behaviors, look for the corresponding strength, and focus on nurturing that gift while providing gentle guidance and coping techniques for the challenging areas.

That is the essence of working with, instead of against, our children.

-L.R.Knost

They are watching us.....

“It frustrates me when we can’t get out the door quickly. Do you have any ideas about how we can do better next time?”

vs.

“You’re always making me late! Why can’t you ever just cooperate?” . .

“It’s hard for me to understand what you need when you whine/yell/mumble. Can you try again in a normal voice so I can help you?”

vs.

“Stop whining/yelling/mumbling! You’re driving me crazy!” . .

“It’s hard for me to do a good job as a mommy if no one is listening. Let’s try this again, okay?”

vs.

“Why can’t you just listen for once in your life?” . .

Here’s the reality, parents: Our words and actions have a profound impact not only on the responses we get from our children in the short-term, but on the relationship we develop with them and the way they’ll communicate with us in the long-term. Healthy relationships and communication are created over time through respectful, meaningful, honest interactions. Remember, we are the only adults in the relationship before our children become adults themselves. Acting like the adults we want our children to become is far more powerful than acting like children ourselves.

-L.R.Knost

I am 2. I am not terrible…I am frustrated. I am nervous, stressed out, overwhelmed, and confused. I need a hug.

From the diary of a 2-year-old:

Today I woke up and wanted to get dressed by myself but was told “No, we don’t have time, let me do it.”

This made me sad.

I wanted to feed myself for breakfast but was told, “No, you’re too messy, let me do it for you.”

This made me feel frustrated.

I wanted to walk to the car and get in on my own but was told, “No, we need to get going, we don’t have time. Let me do it.”

This made me cry.

I wanted to get out of the car on my own but was told “No, we don’t have time, let me do it.”

This made me want to run away.

Later I wanted to play with blocks but was told “no, not like that, like this…”

I decided I didn’t want to play with blocks anymore. I wanted to play with a doll that someone else had, so I took it. I was told “No, don’t do that! You have to share.”

I’m not sure what I did, but it made me sad. So I cried. I wanted a hug but was told “No, you’re fine, go play”.

I’m being told it’s time to pick up. I know this because someone keeps saying, “Go pick up your toys.”

I am not sure what to do, I am waiting for someone to show me.

“What are you doing? Why are you just standing there? Pick up your toys, now!”

I was not allowed to dress myself or move my own body to get to where I needed to go, but now I am being asked to pick things up.

I’m not sure what to do. Is someone supposed to show me how to do this? Where do I start? Where do these things go? I am hearing a lot of words but I do not understand what is being asked of me. I am scared and do not move.

I lay down on the floor and cry.

When it was time to eat I wanted to get my own food but was told “no, you’re too little. Let me do it.”

This made me feel small. I tried to eat the food in front of me but I did not put it there and someone keeps saying “Here, try this, eat this…” and putting things in my face.

I didn’t want to eat anymore. This made me want to throw things and cry.

I can’t get down from the table because no one will let me…because I’m too small and I can’t. They keep saying I have to take a bite. This makes me cry more. I’m hungry and frustrated and sad. I’m tired and I need someone to hold me. I do not feel safe or in control. This makes me scared. I cry even more.

I am 2. No one will let me dress myself, no one will let me move my own body where it needs to go, no one will let me attend to my own needs.

However, I am expected to know how to share, “listen”, or “wait a minute”. I am expected to know what to say and how to act or handle my emotions. I am expected to sit still or know that if I throw something it might break….But, I do NOT know these things.

I am not allowed to practice my skills of walking, pushing, pulling, zipping, buttoning, pouring, serving, climbing, running, throwing or doing things that I know I can do. Things that interest me and make me curious, these are the things I am NOT allowed to do.

I am 2. I am not terrible…I am frustrated. I am nervous, stressed out, overwhelmed, and confused. I need a hug.❤️

written by Dejah Roman
(Thank you for these powerful words)
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