Dayzoo

I was walking past my neighbor’s house the other night when I noticed the front steps were completely covered in packages. Boxes, grocery bags, deliveries stacked along the railing and up the stairs, all just sitting there like they’d been forgotten. At first I assumed they were out of town, but something felt off because some of the bags looked like food that definitely shouldn’t be sitting outside for that long.

The more I looked, the stranger it felt. None of the packages had been disturbed, no torn boxes, no signs anyone had checked on them. Then it hit me that I hadn’t actually seen my neighbor in over a week either. No lights on at night, no car coming or going, no movement at all. Just an endless supply of deliveries showing up to a house that clearly wasn’t answering the door.

I stood there a little too long, trying to convince myself it was normal, but the whole thing felt wrong. It was like the house was frozen in time while the rest of the street kept moving. I kept walking, but the image of those untouched packages stayed in my head, and now every time I pass that house, I can’t help but wonder what’s going on inside.

lost dog. please contact if found. was last on gunpowder rd.

443-462-1575
443-900-6443
443-324-7038

Do I call the homicide squad?

Ferreting about in the allotment, I unearthed this incisor. Being fearful and unsure of what lay below, I ceased all digging and took the only sensible course of action open to me: go inside for a cup of tea.

Is it the tooth of a long dead fox, badger, sheep, hen or dog?

Or something altogether more sinister?

Hence my question: do I call homicide to dig over my allotment?

Someone tell Dan I want a sauna now that I’m not pregnant. And it’s on sale at Sam’s 🤣

A friend suggested that when I retire I should complete one task every day but not too much more than that. Today’s task is to remove little bits of Birch tree debris from my microfibre cloth so it doesn’t scratch my automobile when I dry it after its annual bath. Strangely cathartic and led me wonder if I’d have been better served being a forensic scientist rather than in construction. M 59 EU 44.5 Eyebrow pluckery things for scale

Trying beans on toast for the first time. Wish me luck!

I just ate my last banana

Last night I’m getting Chipotle after having a rough day, just lost eight thousand dollars in the stock market, so my mood was already cooked. I order a double chicken, double everything bowl, expecting it to be expensive as hell.

The worker, who had to be on autopilot or something, randomly takes five dollars off my total like I had a gift card. My bowl comes out to nine dollars.

I didn’t ask questions. I just paid and left. That $5 discount did more for my mental health than it should’ve. Somehow I walked out feeling like the universe threw me a small win.

I swear whoever made this LIED on their resume.

I’ve ordered this before and it has NEVER looked like this. Tell me why I’m paying $9 for random chunks of orange slapped on top of chicken like this is some kind of experiment?? Who decided citrus + chicken + microwave container = gourmet???

Look at it. The oranges are just… THERE. Not mixed, not glazed, not even trying. Just raw vibes. And the chicken looks like it gave up. Then they shove it all into a heat container so everything gets warm and soggy together?? What am I even supposed to taste first vitamin C or regret?

For $9 I should at least ENJOY the food or get what I usually order. Instead I’m standing here staring at this bowl like who approved this? This isn’t orange chicken, this is confusion in a container.

Never again. $9 for disappointment and audacity.

No way this is real. I’m choosing to believe this is some kind of joke.

Stopped by Circle K and saw this sign at the counter saying you have to be born in 2019 to buy to***co. I just stood there staring at it, hoping I was misreading it or that someone slapped it there as a prank.

Because be serious for a second. 2019. Those kids were literally just born. Some of them are still learning how to hold a pencil.

Back then, in our time, it was simple kids weren’t allowed to buy ci******es. That was it. No giant sign. No birth-year math. No explanation like you’re teaching a class.

Now there’s a whole timeline at the register, and somehow it still feels necessary. I walked in for snacks and walked out questioning reality and my own age. Please tell me this isn’t actually real.

I swear I just parked my car… and somehow ended up in a spelling war with a neighborhood villain 😭💀

I ran inside for a few minutes, came back, and found THIS taped to my trunk:

“You’re car is to close to my HOUSE!
They’re is better spots.
I will have you toad!
Try me!
You will loose…”

Not only did they threaten to “toad” me… but they also told me I would “loose.” 😭

Like bro… at this point I don’t even know if I should move my car or grade the paper 💀

The grammar had me more scared than the actual threat 😭💀