Coach Chioma

For years, every time I read Esther 1, my attention was drawn to Queen Vashti, her refusal, her dignity, and what many would consider unfair treatment.

But in a recent time of intimacy with the Lord, I noticed something different.

Vashti wasn’t merely a queen. She was the king’s crown and glory. When the king summoned her, he was calling for the very thing he valued and esteemed most to be displayed before the kingdom. She was saved for last because she represented something precious.

What struck me was not simply her refusal, but the ripple effect of her response.

Scripture reveals that the concern of the king’s advisors was not limited to the palace. They understood that leadership influences culture. What is modeled by those in positions of honor often becomes permission for others to follow.

In a generation that often celebrates “I can do what I want, when I want, how I want,” the book of Esther challenges us to ask a deeper question:

Is my boundary rooted in God’s wisdom, or is it rooted in self-will?

Not every boundary is godly simply because it is called a boundary. Godly boundaries protect honor, dignity, respect, and obedience to the Lord. They consider not only personal preference but also the impact our choices have on those entrusted to our influence.

True biblical boundaries are not built around self-preservation alone. They are built around stewardship.

Sometimes the question is not, “What do I have the right to do?”

The question is, “What response best reflects the heart and purposes of God?

I created a short assessment to help you identify whether your choices are being driven by a desire to please God or a need for the approval of others.

Take the “God Pleaser or Man Pleaser?” quiz today.
🔗 Click the link in my bio to get started.

GodlyWisdom

We made it. 🤍

Seven days. And if you made it this far, something in you knew this was for you, even if part of you spent the whole week thinking “I’m not even a people pleaser.”

That’s exactly who I need to talk to right now.

Because people pleasing doesn’t always look like the yes-person who can’t say no. Sometimes it looks like:
→ The overachiever who needs to be the most competent in the room
→ The peacekeeper who disappears before conflict ever starts
→ The helper who gives until there’s nothing left — and calls it ministry
→ The strong one who never lets anyone see them struggle
→ The leader who performs confidence but privately lives for validation

You’re not a pushover. You’re just exhausted from managing everyone’s perception of you.

And that is still people pleasing.

This is why I believe the greatest pandemic of our time isn’t a virus, it’s an identity crisis. So many of us, even in the body of Christ, have our entire sense of self standing on shifting sand. On performance. On reputation. On being needed.

And when the storms hit? There’s nothing solid underneath.

God is sounding an alarm. He needs His people to be a light, but you cannot illuminate what you haven’t found yourself. We are losing too many people to a life lived performing for an audience that was never meant to define them.

It’s time to get on solid ground.

What would your life actually look like if the only approval you needed was God’s?

Sit with that. 🤍

We don’t talk about it enough, but Culture is many times the root cause of people pleasing beliefs and cycles..

I’m going to start a series of blog posts talking about the impact of culture on the “woman” and “man” and how these beliefs have raised us to become the people we are today.

Hidden underneath these practices is the oh so quite systemic beliefs that form the building blocks of pleasing men… when not named right, we carry it on to the next generation.

The power of the pause…🚨🚨

One of the greatest tools in overcoming people pleasing is learning to pause before responding.

That space between the request and your response is powerful.

Because many times people pleasing is not intentional, it’s automatic.
It’s a reflex.
A survival response.
A fear of disappointing people.
A need to maintain connection, approval, or peace.

But the pause gives your mind, body, and spirit time to realign.

Scientifically, it helps regulate the brain and nervous system so you’re not responding from anxiety, guilt, pressure, or emotional urgency.

Spiritually, it creates room for the Holy Spirit to speak.

Sometimes wisdom sounds like:
“Pray first.”
“Wait.”
“You do not have the capacity for this.”
“This assignment is not yours.”
“Not every need is your responsibility.”

The pause helps us stop saying yes out of fear and start responding from truth, wisdom, and identity in Christ.

You are allowed to take your time.
You are allowed to pray before answering.
You are allowed to protect your peace.
You are allowed to say no.

If you’re struggling with people pleasing and want a community that will help you grow in healing, boundaries, identity, and transformation, join my Facebook community, the link is in my bio. 🤍

And if you haven’t gotten your copy of my new book, “The Five Rights: Trading the Mask for Identity in Christ,” click the link in my bio today.

May 16th, 2026 ✨

What we created in secret went public. ♥️

and I were surrounded by loved ones, friends, and family who supported us, celebrated with us, and prayed over us.

The room was filled with intimate testimonies of God’s goodness, healing, restoration, and grace. The move of the Holy Spirit was undeniable. 🙏🏾✨

Moments like this remind me that obedience to God will always bear fruit in due season.

This is my season of:
GOD GETS ALL THE GLORY.

Thank you to everyone who has supported, encouraged, prayed, and walked this journey with us. We do not take it lightly.

If you haven’t gotten our books yet, you can visit [www.chigozieohanele.com](http://www.chigozieohanele.com) or click the link in my bio to get your copy. 📚

People-pleasing is expensive.

Not because kindness is wrong.
Not because serving others is wrong.
But because constantly abandoning yourself to keep everyone else comfortable comes with a cost.

The hidden cost looks like:
• Quiet resentment toward people you genuinely love
• Emotional exhaustion from managing everyone’s feelings
• Losing your identity trying to meet expectations
• Fear replacing obedience to God
• One-sided relationships built on convenience instead of covenant
• Missed opportunities because you said yes when God said no

At some point, you have to ask:
“How much of my life have I sacrificed just to be accepted?”

Healing begins when approval is no longer your master.
You were never called to carry everyone.
You were called to walk in truth.

“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” — Proverbs 29:25