UberDriver

Grocery store warning.

Use condoms and no loud moaning after 9PM

at the doctor’s office.

saw this the other day…

I also need one...

I guess I have dementia 🤔

Seen at a local burger shop.

This chair came with two right arms. Well I just bought this chair at ***** and was more than a little disappointed to find that it had two right arms. Since the arms are cut to fit precisely, my hopes of sitting were dashed.

Someone pooped on my roof. I just moved into a new rental house yesterday and discovered what looks like human dookie.

Beans pressure cooker exploded 😭 i've been using this pressure cooker with no issues for the last 4 years. The one time I try to cook kidney beans instead of the usual black beans the cooker decides to pop.😭

it's on the popcorn ceiling😭

it's embedded in my toaster and air fryer 😭

i'm super thankful the stove didn't break, i'm hoping I can remove the burnt marks. i'm gonna replace the toaster I think but can't afford a new air fryer so I feel like i'm gonna be smelling beans whenever I use it even after I deep clean it 😂

First time wearing a cosplay wig, and gave myself traction alopecia (aka I got a bald spot) Comicon was 3 weeks ago, and about a week ago, I noticed this bald spot after a shower. Turns out when my scalp started feeling like it was on fire for 5 hours straight, I should have tried to adjust the wig. Looks like I’ll be rocking a side part for the foreseeable future. It was about the size of a bean a week ago, and now it’s this size. Fingers crossed it doesn’t keep getting bigger. At least it’s less noticeable if I color in the bald spot with brown eyeshadow.

I really hope it grows back.

Just what you want after a long work day… 11 year old went in to shower and somehow knocked the glass door off the track. Fortunately he only got a little bit cut up. But glass everywhere… I mean everywhere. It’s in the bath toys. It’s in the fu***ng toilet.