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DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW A GIRL'S SENSE OF INSECURITY FEELS?

There are days when I truly feel exhausted.
Exhausted from the doubts, the worries that are gradually growing within the story of our love. You always ask why I don't trust you, but do you know that whenever I'm with you, I feel a sense of insecurity and unease? Do you understand the feeling of insecurity in a girl?

Insecurity is when I ask, and you respond with mere indifference, brushing off the issue, saying you're unwell, busy, stressed with work, and you remain silent, unwilling to share with me. You keep a corner of your world untouched by me. I'm not allowed to care for the one I love, not allowed to know your emotions at this moment. I feel insecure because we cannot understand each other.

Insecurity is when you no longer allocate as much time for me as before. I am genuinely afraid of the silence between us, waiting for a call, a message, or a date from you. The more I wait, the more anxious I become, the more I wait, the more futile it seems. Could it be that my presence in your life is no longer as important as it used to be? The more I think, the more it hurts!

Insecurity is when you see me merely as a choice. People often grow weary of their choices due to initial instincts. Sometimes, I wonder, do you love me because you genuinely want to care for me and pay attention to me, or is it simply because I don't demand much like other girls? Among countless girls, you chose me, but do you truly love me as you claimed?

Insecurity is when I feel the love between us fading over the years. No dates, no hand-holding, and even being together feel like mere formalities. You no longer pause to wait for me to catch up, and the warm embrace is replaced by casual gestures. Many caring actions that were abundant before now seem scarce to me.

So, I am still insecure even when I am beside you, even when I hear you speak, even when I hear you laugh. This sense of insecurity makes me feel more heartbroken and tired than ever. A feeling that often startles me awake at night, prompting me to quickly grab my phone and call you, just to hear you say, "I'm sleeping." A feeling that makes me shed tears, sending you a brief message, "Miss you a lot!" I've forgotten when I last felt peaceful beside you, forgotten when I considered your arms the warmest place. Do you still love me?

Do you know, when girls love, they often give their all? Yet, the more they love, the more they fear. But it seems I no longer know what to do in the midst of our story. Everything is in limbo.

Love is hanging in the balance. Until when will both of us be able to continue like we did at the beginning? Until when will our love be complete again, right, my love?

IF ONLY SOMEONE UNDERSTOOD HOW FRIGHTENING THE FEELING OF WAITING IS?

The most dreadful feeling is not after a breakup, but the period of waiting for a love that never materializes, stubbornly holding onto hope, a terrible ordeal.

It's the feeling of seeing each other clearly, yet the mind is just a delusion, a frozen screen that blocks everything, helpless and not knowing what to do.

It's the feeling of summoning the courage to delete each message, each shared picture. Reluctant, yet resigned. If only someone understood, beautiful memories are always gnawing at the pain, day by day, hour by hour, let alone all those years.

It's the feeling amidst the bustling city noise, as if wanting to hold one's breath, ignoring all the hustle and bustle, sitting on the curb, fingers dialing in haste, wanting to call a stranger, but the number is already memorized. Just one more second, press the call button, pour out all this heart, but what will it bring? Closer or farther apart? And then stop, watching the continuous flow of cars, wishing someone would wait for you, as you have waited for them.

If only someone understood, the feeling of loneliness is suffocating. If only someone understood, the one who smiles all day with genuine joy, what they go through every night. Everyone has to be strong, smile brightly, be happy, inevitably, among thousands of people out there, only hoping that one person understands. If not, living is still good.

People often say that the night always makes one let go of the masks they try to wear every day, and it's hard to find an exception. Turns out, without that someone, no matter how hard you try, it's just emptiness.

If only someone understood, how it feels to wait, then at that moment, would the person love me, as the hopeful desire I nurtured for those months.

Story of a Former Monk

There was a person who once became a monk and then renounced the monastic life. When friends met him again, they asked why he had become a monk and why he had left?
He replied that he had initially become a monk because he found the teachings of Buddhism to be profound and had wanted to devote his entire life to practicing those principles. However, upon entering the monastery, he realized that it wasn't the environment for practicing the Buddha's teachings as he had hoped.

The daily routine primarily involved reciting scriptures, with limited opportunities for actual practice. The recitation of scriptures, he noted, was more about tradition than genuine practice. With plenty of free time and unsure of what to do, he requested permission to attend various academic courses. He studied various subjects but found himself applying very little of what he learned, as his primary goal was to obtain academic qualifications for the sake of societal recognition.

In reality, his basic needs for food, clothing, and shelter were met through donations from the public during religious ceremonies. The economic aspect of the temple was evident in the exchange of services. Devotees needed religious rituals, and the monks provided them, receiving monetary contributions in return. As this service became more ingrained in people's lives, it gained greater economic value.

To sustain the life of a monk, it became necessary to engage in these rituals, and he found himself participating as well. Over time, the idealistic vision he had embraced initially, driven by the Buddha's teachings, faded away. He no longer felt the need for spiritual and ethical self-improvement and no longer repented for his actions.

He expressed his desire for monastic life to be a genuine environment for practicing the Buddha's teachings. He wished for temples where the resident monks and masters were wholeheartedly dedicated to living and practicing the Buddha's teachings. Every day spent within such a temple would be like living in the realm of the Buddha, as everyone would strive to serve and practice as instructed by the Buddha.

A friend asked him if he would consider becoming a monk again if he found such a temple. He replied that he wasn't sure anymore because his emotions had faded away. The emotions he once felt while reading Buddhist scriptures were powerful, but the daily life in the monastery had extinguished those emotions. Now, if he were to find a temple that rekindled those emotions, who knows what his decision would be. He had learned that while books could stimulate initial emotions, nurturing and maintaining those ideal emotions required a true master and a genuine temple.
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Part 3
WHEN I PLACE MY TRUST IN YOU, PLEASE DON'T DECEIVE ME.
To build a new relationship, the most important thing we need is trust. You give me your trust, and I offer you sincere affection. You give me honesty, and I unquestionably believe in you.

In both friendship and love, the larger the trust we place in each other, the stronger the bond of the relationship becomes. In emotional connections, in addition to the heartbeat of the heart, we require trust in one another, trusting that the other person is like us, without harboring suspicions.

However, trust in any relationship is like a game of chance – it's either all or nothing. If the relationship endures, there's nothing to discuss, but when the time comes to part ways, we find ourselves in a state of extreme desolation.

Disheartened! When trust is gone, everything seems to vanish. We choose a more closed-off life, distancing ourselves from all the relationships around us.

Afraid! Afraid that trust will once again be traded away, and we become more reserved. It takes a very long time for us to dare to place our trust in a new relationship.

So, when I entrust my trust to you, please don't deceive me.

Part 3
Money is indeed important, but it can be earned, whereas the value of oneself is not something that can be want will have.

When you are in your twenties and have saved a substantial amount of money, you might think about opening a savings account instead of investing in personal development. But in reality, there's no better savings or investment than enhancing your own worth.

Don't worry too much about how to make a lot of money in your twenties. It can become the biggest obstacle and dominate your thoughts, ultimately making you focus solely on money.

In your twenties, let yourself dream freely, seek and pursue your passions instead of obsessively saving every penny. Youth is meant for learning, experiencing, and being passionate.

Then, when you reach your thirties, like I am now, you'll realize that the money saved back in your twenties isn't as significant as you once thought. Money is important, but it can be earned, and the value of oneself isn't something you can simply obtain.

If you are in your twenties, this is just the beginning for you. Use the money you've saved to invest in yourself, such as reading books, exploring new places, experiencing a different life from your current one, and working with passion.
When you are young, spread your wings for your dreams and passions, so that when you hit your thirties, you won't have any regrets about anything

Part 2
WE ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE TO LIVE

We do not have the choice of where we are born, but we have complete freedom to decide how we want to live. Each person has their own mission and a unique way of living, and it is important to love the work and activities we are engaged in. However, many people still struggle to find the purpose of life and may feel stuck.

We only have one life to live. Live a kind and sincere life, use your heart to create positive changes. What comes from the heart will touch the heart. I believe in that.

Live in a way that makes those around you feel happy when they see you, and avoid regrettable attitudes.

Part 1
"EXPERIENCING DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN GROWING UP, BUT WANTING TO GROW UP REQUIRES EXPERIENCING."

Is there anyone in this life who has not experienced the ups and downs of life, only to look back and suddenly smile, admiring ourselves, "It turns out everything was that easy"?

But in those years, we often couldn't think as we do now, even a small amount of pain could make us unable to endure. There are times when we want to let go and surrender to fate, to the bustling world outside. How many of us, while standing on the edge of an abyss, are conscious enough to realize that life is in our hands, and whether we hold on or let go is our decision.

Then, after overcoming challenges, we realize that we are stronger than we thought, despite the scars on our hands, feet, or even within our souls. There were times when it seemed like we could die, but in the end, we still had breath to face life. That's why we see that life is not impossible; what matters is whether we dare to face it and move forward, or become weak and fall.

Sometimes I wonder what is most important in a person's life. Is it love, wealth, fame, or simply the experiences of life? We only truly appreciate what we have when we've experienced it. To understand the shape of success, we must climb the stairs of life. It's only after experiencing that we learn to cherish what we have, and our happiness or sadness is often just a matter of our own perspective.

Many people say that life is often unfair. But instead of complaining, we should ask ourselves if we have been fair to ourselves. If we haven't been fair to ourselves, who should be expected to be fair to us? Sitting idly, stroking our timid selves, only results in emptiness.

Everyone has a past, be it filled with hardship or joy, and it has shaped us into who we are today. Reflecting on our present, we should think about what we should and shouldn't do to avoid future regrets. No result is achieved without a process, and no matter what the outcome, we should accept it with a smile.

There is no success that doesn't come after several failures, just as there is no adulthood that doesn't involve experiences, but the path to adulthood varies for each person. Experiencing doesn't guarantee maturity, but to mature, you must experience.

In reality, things often don't turn out as we imagined. Graduating from a university, college, or vocational school, you hold your diploma and suddenly realize how uncertain your future is. Questions flood your mind: "What should I do with this diploma? Where should I start? Where should I apply for a job? How can I earn money?" The equation of how to make a living from your passions is a challenging one, with no easy answer.

Working and earning a living is never easy for anyone. We end up doing jobs contrary to our passions because of financial pressures. You might have thought, "Well, having any job is fine. Even if it's not what I'm passionate about, having money is enough." Being caught in the whirlwind of life, chasing after money, many of us end up with jobs that are far from what we're passionate about, making it increasingly difficult to adapt. Why? Because how long can you do a job that isn't your passion?

If your intention is to do this job to support your passion, then strive harder to achieve your goal. Otherwise, stop that job right now. Unstable thoughts will not yield results. If you continue, will the outcome be better, or will it lead to more disappointment?

In matters of love, if you can't devote your feelings to each other, it's best not to start, as temporary compromises only lead to more hurt. Ultimately, work is similar to love – only start when you truly like or are passionate about it. Time and youth are limited, so why not live life to the fullest?

The time has passed. Those who once walked the same path have now gone their separate ways. I think it's a stroke of luck, not a reason for regret. We only live once, so why let the two words "regret" appear on our journey?

Life is about choices and acceptance, between gain and loss. If we choose money, we accept the lack of love. If we seek fame, we might lose affection. It's the law of life, and whether we like it or not, neither you nor I have any other answers.

If everything was perfect, then perhaps life would no longer be worth discussing.

I have a friend I haven't seen in a long time. The last time we met, he was still single. Now, his job hasn't changed much over the years, except for his increasing position in the company, which corresponds to the number of years he's dedicated. His work is stable, with a decent monthly income, and he doesn't have much to complain about regarding his appearance, except that he's gained a bit of weight (laughs). Although his job involves frequent communication, and there is no shortage of attractive women around, he chose to be with someone who isn't outstanding and doesn't pamper him like other women do.

Once I asked him why he chose her instead of someone else when he had many better options. I still remember his words:

"Because only when I'm with her, I can truly be myself. Only when I'm with her, I feel at peace, not lured by temptations outside. Only she brings me a sense of home, the utmost tranquility. Other women might pamper me, but it stops there. They don't provide the same feeling as she does. She's home!"

Ultimately, throughout our lives, we must constantly stand between choices and acceptance. The key is whether we have the courage to face reality or not. I hope that each of us accepts living fully with our own choices, so that when we look back, we have no regrets.

"THERE WAS A FLEETING SADNESS THAT JUST PASSED BY.”

Before the threshold of adulthood, each of us was once an innocent child taking our first tentative steps into life. We used to think that the road ahead was filled with dreams and aspirations, but this cold-hearted society was never meant for dreamers.

We begin to tally our failures and the mistakes made due to the harsh laws of life. Consequently, the carefree and innocent child within us transforms into a more reserved, introverted individual. We've come to understand that in this society, everyone is engrossed in their own paths. Everyone has their own struggles, and hardly anyone has the time or inclination to listen to another's story. So, when challenges come our way, we often choose to face them in silence, concealing our thoughts within ourselves and wrestling with them alone.

I'm just like many others out there, with my own share of inner turmoil. However, my chosen path is to pour my emotions into words. Throughout these tumultuous years, I've carved out a quiet corner for myself, where I've painted a canvas of emotions. Surprisingly, in that small corner of the world, I've found others who empathize with the painting I've created. We share our common struggles and emotions. I've suddenly realized that I'm not alone in this journey through life. Many others are just like me, standing at the crossroads, looking for a point of solace to soothe their hearts........(continues)

Jambudvipa, also known as the Southern Continent or Jambu dvipa, is so named because "Jambu" is the phonetic translation of the rose apple tree. This continent is named after the Jambu tree. It is one of the continents located in the southern part of Mount Meru, and that's why it's called the Southern Continent. It was later changed to Jambudvipa, which means the land of the Jambu tree.

The reason for the name "Jambud" is a type of tree, namely the rose apple tree, which used to grow abundantly in ancient India. Prince Siddhartha, before his enlightenment as the Buddha, is said to have sat under a Jambu tree to meditate for the first time after leaving the royal palace. The land of Jambudvipa, or the Southern Continent, where we currently reside, is considered less prosperous than the other three continents, and its inhabitants have to work very hard to make a living. Therefore, Buddhist teachings advise individuals to practice diligently in order to transcend this realm.

The people of Jambudvipa are known for their patience and endurance. Lord Buddha, also known as the Patient One, is often praised by the Buddhas from all directions for accomplishing the difficult feat of attaining Supreme Buddhahood in a world filled with five impurities: impurity of the age, impurity of views, impurity of afflictions, impurity of living beings, and impurity of life span.

Jambudvipa has dimensions of 10,000 yojanas in length and 10,000 yojanas in width. It is surrounded by the realms of Asuras, the Trayastrimsa Heavens, and Avīci Hell, and all three of these realms have the same size as Jambudvipa, meaning they are also 10,000 yojanas in length and 10,000 yojanas in width.

The landscape of this continent is like the back of a cart, and the people's faces also resemble this shape. "Dīgha Nikāya" scriptures state: "To the South of Mount Meru, there is a land known as Diêm-phù-đề. The land is narrow in the South and wide in the North, with a width of seven thousand yojanas, and the people here have similar features, resembling the shape of the land. The inhabitants of this continent are robust and enduring, engaged in virtuous deeds and ascetic practices. In this land, a Buddha has also appeared, and three events in this realm surpass the other three realms and the heavenly realms."

According to Eitel in the Middle Chinese Buddhist Dictionary, Jambudvipa encompasses the regions around Lake Anavatapta and Snow Mountain (which is our world, and the central part of this continent has the Jambu tree). In this realm, the Buddha manifested, and it is home to many practitioners.

What makes Jambudvipa distinctive is the following: Initially, the land of Jambudvipa was 10,000 yojanas in length and width, and its inhabitants were blessed and fortunate. However, their good fortune gradually waned until the land became flooded, leaving only 3,000 yojanas for human habitation, while the rest turned into mountains. The tallest mountain, Mount Hy Mã, reached a height of 500 yojanas and stretched for 3,000 yojanas. There were a total of 4,000 mountains, including Mount Sudassana, among others. Additionally, there were five major rivers: Acitavatī River, Mahimahā River, Sarabhū River, Gaṅgā River, and Yamunā River.
There were also seven large lakes: Anotattā Lake, Kaṇṇamuṇḍa Lake, Rathakāra Lake, Kuṇāla Lake, Maṇḍākinī Lake, SīhapPāta Lake, and Chaddanta Lake. Each lake had dimensions of 50 yojanas in length, width, and depth, making their total circumference 150 yojanas. Among these lakes, Anotattā Lake was situated in the midst of five mountains: Sudassanakūtīa, Cittakūtīa, Kāḷakūtīa, Gandhamādanakūtīa, and Kelāsakūtīa. All five mountains encircled Anotattā Lake.

Godana, is a continent located to the west of Mount Meru. The scriptures describe it as follows: "To the West of Mount Meru, there is a land called Godana, with a landscape resembling a half-moon, and a width of eight thousand yojanas. The people there also have a similar appearance, resembling the shape of the land." The inhabitants of this land are inclined towards trade and commerce, and here, they use cattle, particularly cows and buffalo, as a form of currency for exchanging goods. In Godana, wealth and happiness are abundant, and the population is densely packed.

Godana, also referred to as the Western Continent, is named as such because it is a place where cattle, particularly cows and buffalo, reproduce abundantly and are used as a form of currency for trade. The continent has a circular shape, and its inhabitants also have circular faces. This continent has a circumference of 27,000 yojanas, and the people living there have a lifespan of up to 500 years.

Purva-Videha, also known as Pubbavideha in Pāli, is the Eastern Videha Continent, one of the four great continents. It is situated in the Eastern direction relative to Mount Meru. The scriptures describe it as follows: "To the East of Mount Meru, there is a land known as Purva-Videha; its territory is circular, with a diameter of nine thousand yojanas. The people here also have a circular appearance, resembling the shape of the land."

Purva-Videha, is one of the four major continents, located within the Ham Sea, to the east of Mount Meru. The land itself has a crescent shape. The Eastern continent is vast, immense, and quite remarkable. It is often referred to as the continent that dominates evil spirits, owing to its crescent shape. The inhabitants of this land also have crescent-shaped faces. The circumference of this continent is 21,000 yojanas, and the people living there are exceptionally attractive, enjoying a lifespan of up to 600 years.

The people of this land are known as "Thang Than" because of their exceptional physical attributes. They have a penchant for competition, striving for material wealth, and engaging in trade and commerce. Purva-Videha boasts a great tree known as "Gia-lam-phù," which has a trunk circumference of seven yojanas and a height of one hundred yojanas, with its branches and leaves extending for fifty yojanas in all directions