Lighthouse Coaching International

I spent a few moments today answering some questions for a new project. It felt great to take a minute and reflect once more upon what is really important to me in coaching:

Q1: 𝙏𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙪𝙨 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙖𝙘𝙝.
💡 Radical honesty, trust and vulnerability are the three elements of coaching that I resonate with the most. Every client has given to me as much as I've given them, and maybe more: the gift of sharing a precious insight into who they truly are. Having trained with the best - Olde Vechte Foundation, IACBC, CoachConnect - and coached lots of extraordinary people over the years, I feel truly lucky to be practicing this profession. So if you're thinking of trying out a coaching session, I have three things to say: Welcome, thank you and let's go!

Q2: 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙤𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙩𝙮𝙡𝙚?
💡 My coaching style is an ecclectic combo of appreciative inquiry, systemic/constellational, somatic/embodied, NLP, cognitive-behavioral and the list is still open to incorporate new things I am learning along the way. As I am an ICF-certified coach, I stand by the ICF Code of Ethics and ICF Core Competencies. I listen deeply, show empathy, use a non-directive approach and allow you to take ownership of your transformation process.

- Claudia Toderean-Dascălu

𝗚𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗻𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟲+ 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴
Becoming a coach means taking a different route for everyone. For me it has been a 6+ year-long journey which included amazing experiences in three different countries:
✅𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟴-𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭: 𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗣 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 @ 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗼𝗻 Romania (132 training hours, 117 coaching sessions with clients, 10 mentoring hours, two oral exams and a written exam ending in the ICF ACC certification);
✅𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟴: 𝗖𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 @ 𝗜𝗔𝗖𝗕𝗖 Romania (360-hour program - 60 live training hours, 120 practice hours, 120 individual study hours, 60 coaching sessions with clients, one written exam ending in the national ANC certification);
✅𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟲: 𝗕𝗲𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗱 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 - 𝗰𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 @ 𝗢𝗹𝗱𝗲 𝗩𝗲𝗰𝗵𝘁𝗲 𝗙𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 The Netherlands (7 intensive days of applied coaching through the constellations method);
✅𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟱: 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗠𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 @ 𝗢𝗹𝗱𝗲 𝗩𝗲𝗰𝗵𝘁𝗲 𝗙𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 The Netherlands(7 intensive days as an assistant in the training team);
✅𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟰: 𝗛𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 - 𝗰𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 @ 𝗢𝗹𝗱𝗲 𝗩𝗲𝗰𝗵𝘁𝗲 𝗙𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻The Netherlands (7 training days including mixed methods for non-formal education and coaching);
✅𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟰: 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 @ 𝗘𝗴𝘆𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗸 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝗔𝘀𝘀𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 Hungary (7 intensive training days including several practice coaching sessions daily, most of them video recorded).
⌛𝗢𝗻𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 (𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟬): 𝗖𝗼𝗿𝗲𝟭𝟬𝟬 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗰 𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 @ 𝗥𝗼𝗯𝗯𝗶𝗻𝘀 𝗠𝗮𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗲𝘀 (blended online synchronous and asynchronous learning of Tony Robbins' coaching methods).
Throughout these years, I have learned valuable lessons about what coaching really means and what it takes to truly help someone. And in this process I also unlearned old ways of seeing the world and thinking, which were not serving me anymore.
ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ɢᴏʟᴅᴇɴ ɴᴜɢɢᴇᴛꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏʙᴏᴅʏ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ:
💡𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝘀𝗲. It doesn't matter what the coach knows about your field, it matters what the coach can help you do with what you bring into the session. Domain expertise can bring preconceived notions about how things should be done, a false impression of understanding the client's issue before truly listening, coaching the problem instead of the person and an eagerness to provide solutions - all of which go against the spirit of coaching.
💡 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 creating a safe space for attaining awareness, for naming the previously unnamed, for seeing things with new eyes, for finding internal resources and venturing into the future with a clear vision and plan. The coach is not your parent, therapist or teacher, but an equal partner who mirrors you back to yourself so you can finally see what you've been looking for.
💡 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴. While it is essential for a coach to believe at their core in every person's potential and to be accepting and supportive throughout the entire coaching relationship, a good coach will never throw shallow motivational quotes at you or wave pom pons like a cheerleader. Unlike in sports coaching, in executive and life coaching we do not shout at people to get them hyped up for the game 🙂 The issue of motivation is dealt with more deeply - by exploring personal beliefs, values, needs and goals. Once the person is clear about these, motivation flows naturally, without the need for cheap artifice.
💡 𝗔 𝗰𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗼𝗿 (𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗻𝘆/𝗲𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗼𝘆𝗲𝗿) 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗱𝘃𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁 (𝗲𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗼𝘆𝗲𝗲). I was shocked to see lots of vitriol on this topic from people making this assumption. So let me say it loud and clear: 𝙣𝙤, 𝙬𝙚 - 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙄𝘾𝙁-𝙖𝙘𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙡𝙮 𝙖𝙗𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙗𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙄𝘾𝙁 𝘾𝙤𝙙𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙀𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙨 𝙖𝙨 𝙖𝙣 𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙛 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙯𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 - 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙩'𝙨 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙨, 𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙖𝙧𝙙𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙗𝙤𝙨𝙨/𝙚𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙤𝙮𝙚𝙧/𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙤𝙧 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙖𝙮𝙨:
✔️A professional coach will never try to influence or manipulate the client to make one decision or another.
✔️A professional coach will keep clear agreements with all parties involved regarding the disclosure of information and will never disclose anything the client shares without the client's agreement (unless obliged by the law, for example in the case of hearing a crime confession).
✔️A professional coach will partner with the client and support them throughout their transformation process, even when the client's decisions ultimately affect the sponsor (for example, the client decides the job is not for them and resolves to quit).
There are surely many other takeaways to discuss, but currently these seem key to bringing down the most common misconceptions. Regardless of whether you are a coach yourself or have experienced coaching, I would love to hear your insights.
𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥?
Yours,
Claudia I. Toderean-Dascălu, ACC

When figuring out one small thing creates ripples in your entire life 🙂
My favourite takeaway: *action comes before motivation*

The drawing advice that changed my life In 2016, I received some advice that changed how I draw and who I am. This is that story.

Your achievements are our achievements, and together we made 2020 remarkable!
⭐ more than 70 coaching sessions with 18 coaching clients
⭐ eight months of ICF certified coaching training or 64 hours
⭐ completed the ICF ACC certification portfolio

For some, learning ends with the first coaching course. For me it goes on even after six trainings😄 Last month marked 6 years since my first coaching training, and this month I am graduating my sixth. While I’ve gathered hundreds of hours of learning and direct experience, only 60 of them are eligible for the ICF (International Coaching Federation) certification. This is why, until my certification portfolio is complete (meaning 40 more hours), you can benefit from a preferential price. No more excuses for postponing that life change you keep daydreaming about!
How din my clients benefit from coaching so far? They:
• learned to perform excellently during the recruitment process and got their dream job;
• decided how to manage a difficult employee to the benefit of the entire team;
• made up their mind which career option to choose in order to find fulfillment;
• found their internal resources for self-acceptance and confidence at work as well as in their personal life;
• discovered ways to supplement their income during their free time by using their talents;
• rose above the stress and the frustration from work and focused on concrete actions that improved their working experience;
• defined the personal values which they want to follow while moving towards their vision;
• reconnected with people they cared about and took steps for creating closeness;
• simply realized what it was they wanted – they defined their goals in concrete, measurable terms
• …and many other achievements :)
What are you planning to achieve? Tell me here: https://forms.gle/NdDbhTRscFRn63MR6

From the earliest ages, we are programmed to believe we are responsible for the emotional states of others. “You made mom upset” or “Stop, or you’ll get your father angry” are common things we heard in childhood.

The unspoken message is our behavior is the cause of emotional states of others. We learn to be hyper vigilant to these states as children because our parents/caretakers literally mean survival for us.

As adults, we are unconsciously addicted to controlling the emotional states of those around us. Managing the emotions of other becomes a pre-occupation. For some, it becomes a borderline obsession.

Codependency creates an environment where there’s no “me” and “you.” There’s one single emotion entirely dictated by those around us. When we outsource our emotions in this way, we lose connection to the authentic self. We cannot express who we actually are because our first concern is controlling and manipulating the behaviors around us so that we can feel “good.” Of course, when we are codependent, we wouldn’t label this as control. We would call it “care.” This is the illusion we create around our own unhealthy behavior.

As we heal, we begin disappointing people. This is a non-negotiable part of the awakening process. Choosing ourselves naturally means not choosing the past patterning we used to engage in. Those closest to us feel and resist this, hardcore. This is when our programming to take on the emotional responsibility of others will be strongest. For me, this is when members of my family started saying “don’t do this to me.” Or, “well, we need you to be here because, x.” In this space, we begin the work of allowing people their own feelings to exist separate from our own. It’s when we detach with both respect and love, trusting in the need to heal our own self betrayal.

How much time do you spend managing other people’s perceptions?

What happens when you lie to your therapist? How about when you lie to your coach? And finally, what if you also lie to yourself? In coaching and in therapy, there is no judgement involved. It doesn't mean you are a bad person or a failure. As soon as you become aware of doing this, you are able to turn things around - say the truth and make it a learning experience. Certainly, there are times when you hide things because you might not feel ready to tackle certain painful issues or to go too deep. This is where your ability to express your needs and set boundaries come in - it's ok to say clearly that you are not ready yet. In any case, whenever uncomfortable or in doubt, direct, honest communication is the best way to go forward.

Why You're Lying To Your Therapist Two eye-opening studies in the new book 'Secrets and Lies in Psychotherapy' reveal we’re struggling with being truthful in therapy.

Sometimes when you face your problems by yourself, you get stuck and see no way out. You play the same thoughts in your head over and over again. This is when you need a coach. Not to tell you what to do, or what to think, but to help you ask better questions.

Being friends with your therapist isn't generally a good idea. The efficiency of the therapy lies in the unilateral dynamic of the client-therapist relationship. But is it the same with coaching? Coaching doesn't go as deep as therapy and generally has a more proactive, objective-oriented focus, but it still relies on a unilateral client-coach dynamic. So should you be friends with your coach?

‘It’s Not You, It’s Me.’ Why This Therapist Won’t Be Friends With Former Patients Even if they seem REALLY great.

A big chunk of coaching consists of career coaching. Coaches help people design their own professional path, define values, discover their purpose and set objectives. This article gives us precious insights on a little-known fact about professional decline. What would you change now in your career if you knew you have a lot less time left than you thought?

Your Professional Decline Is Coming (Much) Sooner Than You Think Here’s how to make the most of it.