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“I’ve learned that apologizing isn’t the ultimate solution. And talking it out doesn’t always fix the problem. There are bigger issues here, but we tend to avoid them because dropping the mask feels too scary.”

This is excellent… it’s *the* thing that gets in the way of effective and true repair…

“I’ve learned that apologizing isn’t the ultimate solution. And talking it out doesn’t always fix the problem. There are bigger issues here, but we tend to avoid them because dropping the mask feels too scary.”

Find the article link in the comments 👇🏽

Does this sound like you or anyone you know? If you'd like to participate, please get in touch!

A little something for all the couples I work with... perhaps it's a message for you too!

www.goodtherapy.nz

A good definition of shame vs remorse. Self-shaming stops you from being able to offer effective repair, and in fact is another form of self-preoccupation, creating difficulty when trying to live with Relational Mindfulness. We truly do owe it to ourselves and those around us to get in right relationship with ourselves!

"Shame and remorse are not the same thing.
When you move from grandiosity down into shame, you’re not making amends. You’re just trading in one form of self-preoccupation for another.
The art is this: Feel bad about bad behavior while holding yourself in warm regard as a flawed human being.
“I feel bad about what I did to you. I want to do whatever I can to make it better.”
Beating yourself up and pulling yourself apart is no favor to anybody. Pay attention to the person you hurt, then do what you can to make amends."

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/18cyqsXqrb/

Nice one! And so true.
Ruptures are 100% fine. They are part of all relationships. It’s getting good at repair that really matters. Worth a flick thru the five short slides. ♥️

https://www.instagram.com/p/DWFy4FDDY7s/?img_index=6&igsh=Z2o2Njh0OW00ajFi

Repairs matter so much more than most people realize.

A lot of good in here!

….and not just for workaholics. Just really good solid advice for how to better care for your relationship
⭐️♥️

So well said!

Love Lives in the Little Things
Yes indeed it does. A quick read on how to "water" your relationship.
Hope you enjoy!

Love Lives in the Little Things Closeness doesn’t evaporate overnight ... it fades away in the small spaces where we forget to see each other.The small little things we stop noticing and doing; tiny gestures before leaving the house, the things that go unseen or unnoticed. The everyday micro-moments of paying attention that migh...

December 2025 Newsletter:
"Surrendering; Words on Failure; Judgements as Confessions; Why You Feel so Lost in Life...".may there be some words in here for you.
Hilary

December 2025 A Time To Rest Hilary ~ and all the plants (aka my listening companions) here at goodTherapy ~ will be taking a restorative break from 19 December 2025 to 19 January 2026. I look forward to reconnecting with you in the new year. Sincere thanks to everyone who has chosen to work with me in 2025. It i...

So useful! From the Relational Life Institute.
Learning the true art of being in relationship improves your own life exponentially.