Rambo Akpan

If you have friends who support you AGAINST your spouse or partner whenever you discuss issues about your relationship with them, you are obviously in the wrong company.

It's a matter of time; these friends will assist you in tearing down your home or scattering your relationship.

A good friend will not support you even if you are the right one.

They will rather encourage you to go back and reconcile with your partner.

Even when your spouse is naughty, stubborn, and unyielding, a good friend will give you sound counsel, hold your hand in prayer, and pray with you for your relationship to work.

He or she will not malign your partner with you.

Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at ALL times…”

This is one of the litmus tests to know a good friend. They will look out for your well-being and will always watch your back.

They know you and love you enough to tell you a constructive truth even when you don’t want to hear it.

They will tell you to go beg your partner even when your spouse is the wrong one. They would volunteer to join you to apologize.

If you must discuss your challenges with your friends, use a proper approach by telling your friends to pray with you rather than reporting your partner to them.

When you adopt this approach, it shows that you value your relationship or marriage and you want it to work.

Then, learn to pray for your partner.

Before talking to your friends about your partner, first, talk to God about your partner.

You will notice that the more you pray for your partner, the more peace you'll feel and the less you will complain about them.

It's extremely difficult to criticize or malign the person you're genuinely praying for.

Your friends can either help you make or mar your relationship or marriage. A good friend will never join you in tearing down your relationship.

No matter who you are, the day you talk negatively about my wife is the day I will begin to avoid you.

If your committees of friends are people who do not commit to your relationship or marriage, please change them.

When you change your team and your approach, your life will follow a new and progressive direction.

Proverbs 13:20 says,
"If you want to grow in wisdom, spend time with the wise. Walk with the wicked and you’ll eventually become just like them."

There are some people out there struggling with their relationships and they are waiting for you to join them. If these set of people are on your list of committee of friends, your relationship will suffer harm.

I pray you will be wise enough to make your relationship work by being selective with your committee of friends.

7 THINGS YOU MUST KEEP DOING IN YOUR MARRIAGE.

1. Be the first to say I AM SORRY: It's a show of strength to say this in your marriage.

2. Always initiate lo******ng: You shouldn't be shy to bring up a discussion about s$x in your marriage.

3. Always be willing to lose in arguments: There's nothing you gain from winning arguments with your spouse.

4. Always pray for your spouse: It's extreme spiritual maturity to intercede for your spouse.

5. Always check up on your in-laws: You're bringing more honor to your marriage and home checking up on your mother-in-law and father-in-law.

6. Always say THANK YOU to your spouse: Don't allow an entitlement mentality. Appreciate your husband. Express gratitude to your wife.

7. Create time for your spouse: Don't be too busy with work. Don't be too occupied with your phone. Don't be too rigid. Prioritize the time of intimacy with your spouse.

MINISTRY AND MARRIAGE.

Don't bury your ministry in your marriage.

If God gave you a ministry your partner is not aware of nor agrees with after explanations, go ahead with the ministry until the light shines enough for him/her to see.

If she/he never sees it all through life, go ahead with the ministry all the same.

Don't become unfruitful in ministry because of marriage.

Don't become unfruitful in marriage because of ministry.

Each has its place.

None should be used to destroy another.

God planned them to complement each other from their separate realms.

14 FACTS ABOUT FRIENDS AND MARRIAGE

1. Sometimes friends are the biggest threat to your marriage. Choose your friends well

2. Not every friend who is single is a threat to your marriage

3. Marriage is not meant to choke your social life. Allow your spouse to have friends. Be secure

4. Make your spouse secure. Don't make your spouse feel that he/she is competing against your friends

5. Choose friends who can be a good role model for your children

6. Listen to your spouse when he/she has reservations about a friend of yours. Your spouse might be seeing something you don't

7. Do not disrespect your spouse in front of your friends. Protect your spouse's name. Friends come and go, but your spouse will remain

8. Be careful. Some friends will advise you to ruin your marriage because they have ruined/are ruining theirs

9. A lot of marriages are struggling due to peer pressure. Friends can incite you against your spouse. Don't fall for it

10. You can have friendships with those of the opposite gender as long as you have boundaries

11. Most affairs start as innocent friendships. Be careful how you relate with a friend of the opposite gender as a married person, you can easily fall because of the friendliness

12. Some friends stir up trouble by spreading gossip about your spouse. Be careful who you confide in

13. Your marriage will be strong when it is surrounded by friends who are happy for you, believe in marriage, keep you both accountable, pray for you, and challenge you

14. Remember Birds of the Same Feathers Flock together AND show me your Friends and I will tell You your Character.....Choose your Friends Wisely, please. God Bless you.

SILLY MARRIAGE MISTAKES TO AVOID

1. Don't ignore your wife the whole day, and expect her to be warm towards you at night

2. Don't shout at your husband and speak to him with disrespect and a tough tone, and expect he will enjoy talking with you

3. Don't be so guarded with your phone and expect your partner not to be suspicious

4. Don't be dramatic in your demeanor and expect your partner will enjoy going out on dates with you

5. Don't cheat or make your partner think you are cheating and expect him/her to easily have s*x with you

6. Don't veer away from God and expect your marriage will be exceedingly blessed

7. Don't judge your partner and keep reminding your partner of their wrongs and expect your partner will be confiding in you about their unpleasant truths and struggles

8. Don't turn down your partner's s*xual advances repeatedly and expect your partner will still desire you and pursue you

9. Don't mistreat your partner in public and expect your partner will enjoy being around you with others

10. Don't be reckless with finances and expect your partner to trust you in financial decision making

11. Don't keep ignoring your partner's requests for you to change and think your partner will keep caring. Soon, your partner will let you be and do you, after growing tired

12. Don't be mean to your partner and expect your partner to see God's love through you. Do you minister to your partner in how you handle him/her especially in difficult times?

13. Don't keep repeating the same mistakes and think your partner will not start feeling taken for granted

14. Don't push away your partner and act like you don't need help and think your partner will keep forcing themselves to be there for you

15. Don't speak anyhowly to your partner especially when angry and think your partner over will feel loved

ARE YOU CHEATING ON YOUR PARTNER?

Even if you don't get caught or busted, cheating will still affect your life. And in ways that are so pervasive and far reaching that you can not reverse them.

Sure, you may do a very good job in hiding your escapades from your partner by moving your job very far away from your family and building thick walls so that information never gets to them. Or you can manipulate them into fear and silence using blackmail around their past mistakes or financial manipulation.

But the habit itself is a cancer of the soul, and it will eat up your life from inside.

First, you expose yourself to the predators of the world. The habit gets deeper and deeper until one day you're blasted and devoured by the world through an exposè or an agitated lover who splashes your intimate information to the public. Either these kinds of predators will finish you, or the financial hunters will. By utilising your appetites for forbidden bread, they will lure you into a fix and get you paying them your hard earned money with threats of being blown up should you fail to cooperate.

Even if you escape the predators, something else will be happening at home. Your children will sense your emotional detachment from them and from their dad or mom, and they will hate you. You will walk into the house, and everyone leaves, as if you smell.

You will age alone and isolated. You will accuse the family of sidelining you when you're the one who ignored them.

Cheating is very addictive and it keeps you running after the next excitement. As a result, you lose track of time. Children are usually at home for less than twenty years before they go into college and into the world as grownups. You won't realize how fast this period will pass. You will be shocked by your body when it begins to age, and yet your life is barren of relationships. All your free time was taken up by pursuing dopamine thrills and forbidden fruit.

Your regrets will bite deep. You will go into midlife with regression and depression. You can resort to alcohol and more illicit s*x as temporary relief, or you can start rebuilding afresh. By this point, your partner is estranged from you, and even if you still share home, the love died a long time ago. You sense the void of lovelessness in your life, and you realize that you despised diamond while chasing stones.

You're just like any other addict whose life got ravaged by the drug, and they're waking up in the afternoon of their days to try shake themselves from the debris.

In short, the end of cheating is shame. Even if you don't hold your family in high regard, you should hold yourself in high regard. Do you want a good life and a peaceful retirement? Then, sow those seeds. If you continue to sow into selfishness and contempt for your family, you'll reap depression and loneliness.

As for male cheating, back in the day, men would make their women financially dependent on him so that when he provides, he also uses that excuse to cheat, saying,' after all I'm providing.' Or he would keep her always getting babies so that she never developed herself. This was obviously a pyramid scheme that has since been debunked. Today, women can provide for themselves, so if you can not be faithful, she will eventually leave.

Remember, women cheat as much as men. They just don't boast about it like men do. They do a better job at hiding because societal sanctions for a woman are more stringent than when it's a man. But the vice is human, not just male. Character has no gender. It's a mindset thing.

What Does Your Man Really Need?

If you are a lady and you are in relationship with a man, or you're not, or you're already married to him, please grab a seat to learn one or two things from this write up.

God created man in His own image and likeness, likewise women. He made him to be a little lower than the angels, and crowned him with glory and honor. And at a point he discovered that it is not good that he should be alone, and he met this need.

Dear woman please hear this, if you understand a man's need, and meet it, he will love you with the whole of his life, especially if you are married to the right man.

You can't do the following things for the wrong man and meet his needs. But if you are married to the right man who loves you so much, consider yourself the luckiest woman on earth, and please don't take him for granted. Many women aren't these lucky to have such men.

Now, let's go straight to the first point.

NUMBER ONE.

He needs peace of mind.

As a woman, since men are created to be a provider, and he is a logical thinker, he has so many things boggling his mind that he needs a calm to unwind.

If you don't understand how to create a peaceful environment for a man, he'll look for peace elsewhere.

I know that women tends to be reactive. As e dey pain dem, naso dem go react. But hey, if you treat a man this way every time, he'll prefer to stay late at work, hang out with the boys or drink himself to stupor at night so that he would become deaf to your rantings when he comes home.

Why am I saying this? Do not be a woman who nags life out of a man. The Bible even said it is better to dwell in the corner of the house top than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

King Solomon repeated this statement three times (Prov. 21:9, 19, 25:24), who knows if that's why he had so many wives and concubines.

Men loves women who do not increase their pressure.

An average and serious man is thinking of how to make life comfortable for himself and his family, but when you increase the frustration that life throws at him, you will sell him off to a mistress or secretary who helps him to unburden his mind.

As a woman, know when to discuss pressing issues with him, don't talk about bills when he hasn't settle his mind after a long day at work. Don't deprive him of s*x when he needs it because of something he's yet to provide for you or the children (for married folks only).

Don't be a troublesome woman, be a woman that gives him peace of mind, and do not add to the troubles of his life.

NUMBER TWO.

He need you to respect him.

Do you know that the greatest need of a man is not s*x? Please read that again. A man's greatest need is not s*x but respect.

Are you shocked?

A man can have s*x with a woman, and does not love her. But I have never seen a man who doesn't love a woman that gives him so much respect. He can wait until the wedding night if she's the type that respect him before he have s*x with her.

Treat a man the way he deserves to be treated, and you'd bring out the baby in him.

Men loves to be in charge. Men loves to be treated as a king. Men have ego, and a wise woman will pamper it rather than bruise it through her ignorance or negligence.

Respect isn't about kneeling down and to carry the food on your head for him to eat. Respect isn't about saying "I will submit to you".

Respect to a man means that you don't take him for granted, you value his opinion and do what he tells you.

In short, the summary of respect to a man is obedience.

The difference between Vashti and Esther is that one respected (obeyed) her husband and the other disgraced her husband in front of his friends.

Do you know why the scripture commanded wives to submit to their husband?

Because women lead independent lives, especially first borns and the industrious ones; for them to submit to their husband will be a tough battle because they have independently made decisions and embark on projects without any help from a male figure in their lives.

However, it is very easy for a woman to submit to the right man who wouldn't treat her like a slave, but would love her.

An ugly woman who respects a man will get his attention than a beautiful woman who lacks respect. Also add other things like making good food, good s*x and so on.

NUMBER THREE.

He needs a Help meet

Why did you think God said it is not good for a man to be alone and that he will make him a help meet?

A help meet isn't a woman that will give him a mind-blowing s*x, prepare a finger-licking meal or take care of his house; a help meet is a woman that can fill in the gap that exists in his life. This is why some refer women as a man's "better half".

All of these are secondary.

Primarily, he needs a woman who can help him fulfill his divine purpose, dreams and visions. He needs a woman who they can both brainstorm ideas. He needs a woman that can cover him and support him.

This is why Adam said the woman is his bone of his & flesh of his flesh..

BUILD YOUR MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK:

As we all know, marriage is a sacred bond between two individuals who have committed themselves to each other for life. It is a partnership that requires love, patience, and dedication to making it work.

But just like any building, a marriage needs a strong foundation to stand the test of time. And that foundation is none other than Jesus Christ, the solid rock upon which we build our lives.

In Matthew 7:24-25, Jesus says, "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock."

Similarly, when we build our marriages on the rock of Christ, we are building a foundation that can withstand the storms of life. We are building a foundation that can weather the highs and lows of marriage.

So what does it mean to build our marriages on the rock? It means placing our faith in Jesus Christ and making Him the center of our relationship. It means following His teachings and using them as a guide for how we treat each other.

In Ephesians 5:21-33, the apostle Paul talks about how husbands and wives should relate to one another. He says that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. And wives should submit to their husbands as they do to the Lord.

This may sound outdated or even controversial in today's culture, but when we understand these teachings in the context of Christ's sacrificial love for us, we see that they are not about power or control, but about mutual respect and selflessness.

When we build our marriages on the rock of Christ, we also have the assurance that we are not alone. We have the Holy Spirit to guide us and strengthen us when we face difficulties. We have a community of believers who can support us and pray for us.

So today, I encourage you to examine the foundation of your marriage. Are you building it on the rock of Christ? Are you following His teachings and allowing Him to guide your relationship? If not, I urge you to make the necessary changes and start building your marriage on a solid foundation.

Remember, a marriage built on the rock can withstand anything that comes its way. May God bless your marriages and keep you always in His loving care.

TIPS ON HOW TO PRAY FOR YOUR SPOUSE

1. ASK YOUR SPOUSE "IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO PRAY FOR?"
You have no idea how powerful that question is. It shows your willingness to cover your spouse in prayer and to care for what your spouse cares for

2. BE EASY TO TALK TO
How will you know your spouse's struggles if your spouse doesn't feel comfortable to talk to you? When your spouse feels safe, he/she will make confessions to you, pour his/her heart out to you and this precious information will help you know what to pray for

3. KNOW YOUR SPOUSE'S HISTORY
Get to know your spouse's history and upbringing. How did your spouse grow up? What struggles did your spouse have? Did your spouse suffer trauma growing up, how was your spouse's past romantic relationships? This will reveal some issues your spouse perhaps is still struggling with such as fears, difficulty to open up on specific matters, spiritual/emotional questions, etc. Your spouse might be having issues he/she is not aware of but their journey will reveal it to you. People sometimes are not aware when they are hurting

4. SPEAK LIFE TO YOUR SPOUSE
Avoid complaints and harsh words, they are contrary to prayers. But speaking life and encouragement complements the prayers you make for your spouse

5. ASK THE HOLY SPIRIT TO REVEAL TO YOU WHAT TO PRAY FOR YOUR SPOUSE
God knows your spouse better than you and even better than your spouse. If you pay attention, God will reveal to you what your spouse is going through or where your spouse should be going to. Instead of asking God to reveal to you what wrong your spouse is doing so that you may catch him/her; ask God to reveal to you how best to minister to your spouse, ask God to reveal to you the things your spouse might be struggling to communicate or is not even aware of

6. LET YOUR SPOUSE HEAR YOU PRAY FOR HIM/HER
As often as possible, let your spouse verbally hear you pray for him/her. It feels good hearing the one you love talking to God about you

7. END PILLOW TALKS WITH A PRAYER
When you two are having heart to heart conversations in bed, as you connect emotionally, also connect spiritually. Get to pray in that moment of intimacy

8. SEND YOUR SPOUSE VOICE NOTES OF PRAYER
Randomly surprise your spouse with a text of a prayer or a voice note of you praying for him/her. These are the things that lift up your spouse's spirit and keeps him/her going

9. ASK YOUR SPOUSE IF YOU TWO CAN PRAY WHEN YOUR SPOUSE VENTS
When your spouse vents about how you hurt him/her or how tough the day has been or how bad or low he/she feels; in that moment of vulnerability ask to pray. It reinforces your bond and allows God to move into the challenging times of your marriage

10. PUSH YOURSELF TO PRAY ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS AN OFFENSE
Many couples choose not to pray when they are mad at each other; but this is actually a wonderful moment to pray. Push yourself to pray and in your unity your marriage will be blessed. Is your spouse your enemy? Even if yes in that moment, God is asking you to pray for your enemy. We don't pray because we feel like it, we pray to connect with God and because we need God

11. DON'T MAKE JUDGEMENTAL PRAYERS
Avoid making prayers that make your spouse feel judged in the presence of God such as "God, help my husband who has joined forces with the devil", or "Or God, help my foolish wife to see what I am trying to tell her so that she grows up". Let your speech be well-seasoned and your prayers full of grace.

WHAT MAKES MARRIAGE BORING

1. THE IDEA THAT MARRIAGE IS WORK
Don't look at marriage as if it's work or a struggle. That attitude will wear you down. Who wants to get out of job and come back home to work all their life? Look at marriage as a journey with your best friend. Approach marriage with the right attitude

2. UNATTENDED ISSUES
Don't pile up issues, address them immediately. Pending issues threaten the joy in your marriage

3. RIGIDITY IN S*X
Try out new s*x positions, let loose, flirt, be kinky, experiment as you remain faithful

4. LACK OF LAUGHTER
Stop being too serious, joke, laugh, tease each other, watch comedies, have fun

5. DOMESTIC TALKS
Don't reduce your conversations to be just about chores, bills, responsibilities and parenthood. Talk about life, feelings, romance each other, smooth talk each other, heighten intimacy

6. NO MORE DATING
Just because you are married doesn't mean that you stop going out on dates. Dress up, go out, do dinners, go for salsa, go for concerts, picnics, vacations. Go out as a couple

7. OVER SPIRITUALISING THINGS
Don't turn everything to a spiritual talk just because you want to show you are Godly. God cares about every aspect of your life, not just your spirit. There is a time for everything

8. SECLUSION
Don't isolate yourselves as a couple, make friends, invite visitors home, have get togethers or a barbeque, see what other married couples are doing, socialize while still remaining faithful, bless lives together as a couple

9. INTRUSION
Do not allow outsiders to come and interfere with what you two are building. Only you two carry the vision for your marriage, not your Pastor, your parents or friends

10. LACK OF STIMULATION
Give each other new experiences. Dress up, look good, read up, grow mentality, make progress so that you are able to stimulate your spouse mentally, s*xually and visually

11. LONELINESS
Yes, you can be married and lonely. This happens when you don't give each other time, when you don't do things together, when you don't make effort to understand each other. Don't make your spouse feel single

12. SELFISHNESS
It is so boring to be married to a self centered person, don't be such a person