MKUU

My Abhorrence for Bhangi started in form 2. When some muslim girl I had been hitting on for a week from the next ploti came and knocked on our door,Asubuhi saa nne,Akaambia mathe ako na mimba yangu. Woi!! Kidogo naona mathe amepiga magoti ameanza kugaragara akipiga nduru buana,ndio huyo ameingia chini ya meza. Msichana kuona ivi akatoka mbio. Akaniwacha nikizima moto amewasha,Mathe ata hakuenda group hiyo siku. It took me 8 hours to convince her she was lying. I think i said "Pole mum ni maongo" more than 1000times kabla atulie. Na nikamwambia asijaribu kuambia mzee juu atanimaliza. When i met this bitch again she couldn't remember that incident. I think she was bi polar. But she used to smoke bhangi, lots of it and had dirty nails. But she was pretty. Nilikua nigonge niondokee lakini raha ikageuka karaha buana. Pocket money nikirudi shule walinipatia 120kes ,akiamungu nililamba lips term mzima kabla nifunzwe kuiba calculator.

Pale 2014 Kuna Ninja cousin yangu inaitwa Vo Ke aliwahi nitembelea nikampeleka strip club flani ilikuwa Kasarani ajibambe.Sijui niaje aliona stripper anapigwa na pesa ,Jamaa akatoa ile forty bob ya Kibaki akawekelea stripper ya Magoti .Tulipigwa za kahasho na bouncers ungethani tumetoka Vietnam.

Tulijaribu ukulima na my Cousin ngure after ametoka Qatar kuosha vioo za skyscrapers for 4 years aki Tulilia machosi. Hapa ndio tuligundua kwamba wahenguzi hawakukosea waliponena kwamba mvumilivu hula vumbi. Viazi na carrot na tuliambiwa market haiwezi kosa. Broker walitaja bei hivi nikaskia roho imewacha kupiga,ikakauka k**a mawe dakika kadhaa.

The money we made there was barely quarter of the imput what we had spent. Na ujue hawakubeba zote,Tukaachwa na carrot k**a drum nne,ng'ombe ikakula mpaka ikahúhita,yani ikafungana mara. I took over from there,carrot natafuna mpaka naweka takzin buana. Ikikauka naDilute na supu ya Viazi yenye pia iko na carrot k**a one zauzand!

Nikiwa kimende nilikua naangalia hivi naona swara ziko huko Mt longonot zinarukaruka,juu ya carrot nimekula. Viazi tulikua tunaamkia na chai k**a MauMau buana. Ngure left the next month back to qatar,not only did he lose half of what he had made in qatar but he also lost his appetite for Warus. Sahii ata chipsi hawezi kula.

Mimi sijaanza kuchukia polisi sahii,It started long ago. When my grandmother realized it was almost 8pm and my uncle wasn’t back home yet to milk the cow,wakanituma nimwangalie kule center kwa pool,vile nimeingia tu namna hii kumwambia Wainaina unaitwa nyumbani,AP ndio hao kwa mlango. Wakaingia na wakajifungia ndani buana,6 of them.

There was nowhere to run,wakasema kila mtu toa kitambulisho,Everyone started looking for nothings in their pockets,no one had an ID in that pool. Ata chalkman na pool niya baba yake alimuekea juu marks yake haingepeleka yeye ata TVet,hakua ID. Wakasema haya kila mtu lala chini. Mimi nikaona hapa vile iko naeza adhirika vibaya sana,ata naeza kufa.

So I stood up,nikasema afande mimi ni mtoto nisamehe sikua na hawa. Now,One thing about growing up poor,ukilelewa kwa shida huwa unazeekanga kuliko miaka yako. Your skin gives up so early because of the things it has been shown. Kabla ata sijamaliza kujitetea namna hii,naskia shwa! jamaa aliniweka nyahunyo ya mgongo nikaiskia kwa kifua buana. Akaniuliza nani amekuuliza,then told me,hii sura ukijiangalia unakaa mtoto?

I thought of showing him my uncircimcised p***s but it would bring more chaos. Nikalala chini. Tukapewa kila mtu sita sita,hot ones,na wakanyanywa pesa yote walikua wamekulana huko. Matako ilikua na line sita k**a Thika road buana. Mimi sahii polis naonanga damu inachemka,they are like women. They get to be as****es with no one to punish them,polis ni saitan buana. Angalia jirani mwambie Ruto is the devil.

Mimi mkiona nakimbizana na mambo mingi hapa nje nijuu ya muda nimepoteza, I wasted alot of time in school and joined the school of life late. Niko nyuma ya syllabus mbaya sana. Nursery nikachapa miaka sita juu nilishindwa kuguza maskio ya right na mkono ya left. Class 2 nilikua na ndevu buana. Primary nikachapa miaka Tisa juu kuna mwaka Menengitis ilinitandika 6 months after kulala nje nikikimbiza ndume ilikua na mioto tukakimbizana mpaka karibu narok ikitafuta cowncubines,ikabidi nirudie class 6. Highschool nikachapa 5 years,hapa ni suspension nilipatiwa after walipata skirt ya neighbouring girl school kwa box yangu,nikawaambia hii ni mzazi alininulia niendange nayo bafu. Wataniamini kweli? Term mbili mzima nikakaa nyumbani,ikabidi nirudie form 2. Kumaliza nikaingia NYS,vile tuko karibu kumaliza ndio huyo waiguru ameiba 700 million yetu,woi tukaongezewa 2 years akiamungu. Woi! Alafu watu ya murima wanataka huyo akue deputy plesdent? Hiyo k**ama ni saitan buana. Heri tujome nchi sasa

Those Kikuyu songs with photoshopped videos used to Slaphard buana ,Kwanza ukiona Dematthew juu ya Volcano unajua hapa mambo imechemka ,Ukiona George wanjaro juu ya KICC unajua hapa single mothers wamevunja yeye roho tena ,Wona Kamande wa Kio igúrú wa Statehouse úkamenya RAILA no egúitwo Kihíí😂😂😂

Niliwahi ambia someone's daughter about my upbringing akaniambia niko na childhood trauma eti nitafute therapist, guys kwani kuchapwa na kamba na kulala k**a hamjakula haikuwa common unit?
Kuna time Buda alinishikia panga nikiwa class 3 juu ya kukula kwa harusi ilibidi nikuwe nalala kichaka k**a mau mau wiki moja Mathee na siz walikuwa wananiletea ugali wanaficha mimi natokea usiku kukula na narudi kichaka.

Kuna hii kamrembo hapa Facebook kanaitwa Alicia Wanjiku,buana I have never seen anything like her. Mtoto chweda chweda! Her smile,her protruded canines eih! Kiuno iko tu hapo,huku nyuma imeshikilia mzigo ingine kubwa namna atari sana size ya kifaru. This is the type of woman you steal your clients money to make her smile,unampeleka india,next week mko jamaica,mteremke Mpaka south Africa kuona dolphins,pesa ikiisha katikati ya safari unagonga client mwingine,just so that you can have premium s*x for atleast five more days.

Na wacha nikuambie kitu ndugu yangu,no woman gives you premium s*x like the one who knows shes there for the money,hawa wanakufanyianga mambo aijaionekana. Mpaka hii ingine inaitwa the underdog style,hii mnatoanga mattress kwa kitanda,yeye analala juu ya mbao,wewe unaingia chini unak**ata izo mbao,sasa unatwanga tu yeye apo ukifanya inverted press ups. Sijui k**a unaona iyo picha My friend! Alafu pesa ikiisha mnarudi Nairobi upambane na hali yako because The experience was entirely worth it,lakini ndio watu wasijue wewe ni mtu bladifakin,unawekelea saitan mzigo yote. Unawaambia hujui nini ilikuingia,kumbe ni gìthinyaku buana. Yaye Shiku I don’t deserve you!

Tumekua kesi since 6am,caretaker alinik**ata nikihama buana anasema nilipe rent nusu ya hii mwezi ama nimuachie Tv,itabidi nirudishe vitu nihame sunday wakiwa kanisa.

Now I know why Kikuyu landlords have those tiny gates ata meko haitoshei 😂

Kuna harusi niliendanga kwa rafiki ya my boss alafu masaa ya sherehe wakaanza kutandika bibi na pesa buana,hakukua na 100 ama 200,strictly brandnew 500bobs,ukikaribia bibi ulikua unaskia akinuka bank,najaribu kuangalia k**a kuna mtu anachukua pesa lakini wapi,hawashughuliki
Kumbe hawa wajamaa walikua washaaongea hakuna kuchukua pesa and i was not aware,ikabidi nimepiga densi nikikaribia bibi nakanyanga mia tano mbili naivuruta nikiwa nimeikanyanga ndio nisikae suspect alafu nikifika kwa corner nainama naichukua

I did that 3 times kumbe baba ya bibi alikua ananipiga survey,venye napumzika naskia ametap mgongo and says "Réhé mbecá Mwangi" Nikajua tu ni pesa yao wanaitisha,ata mia tano yangu nilijaribu kumuelezea ni yangu anasema ameniona nikichukua,Mzee roho chafu sana.Nkt

Pale kwa dating scene kuna sasa wale tunakuanga the airfryer version of men. Yani we’re only interesting to interact with for the first two weeks before they discover we’re just boring humans full of sh*t,wanagundua hii air fryer ni upus mtupu,it only looks good when its not yours. Wanaingia mitini,ndio unapata jamaa in one year amekua kwa twenty unsuccessful talking stages

Weh mailod! Please Avoid kikopey nyama choma if you can.
I am seeing bad things buana,My wife and son have had to seek refuge in her sister in laws house after she accused me of attempted murder because of the toxic gas i’ve been releasing since sunday evening.

Amesema nimuendee na barua ya daktari ya kusema nimepona,nawaomba mniweke kwa maombi aki nyasachiel I will never repeat again in the name of jesus christ and Papa josphat wanyonyi my ancestor,please help me😭 nik**a waliniuzia nyati buana