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"I tried being an optimist, but it didn't work out. I kept expecting good things to happen." — Unknown

"Change is not a four-letter word... but often your reaction to it is!" — Jeffrey Gitomer

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live." — George Carlin

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." — Mae West

"I told my doctor I was worried about my memory. He said I was worried about my memory. I said, 'No, I'm worried about my memory.'"

"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food." – W.C. Fields

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a terrible warning." – Catherine Aird

"Never follow anyone else's path. Unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path." – Ellen DeGeneres

"My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine." – Unknown

"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments." – Kin Hubbard

"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?" – Robin Williams

"Change is not a four-letter word... but often your reaction to it is!" – Jeffrey Gitomer