CONKER

Cw: r*ligious tr*uma

🧷 just popping this at the top here - I’ve been away to regroup, I’ve got a lot going on, and I appreciate those who are sticking around for the journey - you’re loved and appreciated 🥰 🧷

For those who have grown up in certain environments, religion may have been used as a weapon to bind and underplay the experiences of an individual or to convince them that their personality, choices, sexuality, loves and hates etc are either “evil” or “good” or sinful” . This is not fair, nor was it ever fair, or correct. It is damaging and abusive and wrong. And I’m truly sorry if this is your experience. I’m not here to shun faith etc, if you are happy and you are enriching yourself and those around you, if your faith does not impose on the rights of others or harm people, then that is wonderful! But, like with a lot of things, sometimes those in power will manipulate or gaslight individuals into feeling like their actions are justifiable etc. You are worth more than this. You deserve better.

[ image description: warm yellow/ orange background with warm pink paint strokes emanating from the bottom left corner and the top right corner of the square. The writing is in a warm/ denim blue and reads:

‘Your painful experiences are not a side effect of your supposed “wrong doings” in another life or because an omnipotent being has smote you. They are painful, they are not deserved’ ]

*listens to the Stones on repeat*

I’ve been a little distant for a while. I have a lost going on, and the world is, as always, chaotic. I hope you’ve all been taking care?

These lyrics have really spoken to me over the course of some very difficult times for me. A lot of the time we think we know what we want, but something will always feel a little wrong. Call it a gut feeling, or whatever sounds right for you, but you know it in your bones when something just doesn’t quite fit, when you have to have to force something to “fit” or when it feels like you have nothing left for you in that place. It doesn’t mean you’ve wasted your time. It has led you here, or is leading you to the place where you can be fulfilled.

Sometimes we think we have life all figured out, like nothing can surprise us, and usually that is accompanied with some pretty potent cynicism and low moods and feelings of hopelessness. But then you see a glimmer of something, and you just have to jump for it. I have recently had this experience, I got to a place where I felt completely stuck, and then it hit me, and now I’m going to back to study to be a therapist!

Invest emotionally and physically in yourself. It’s worth it and you bloody well deserve it. I’m not trying to be all rainbows and unicorns, but truly, there is a ‘glimmer’ out there for all of you, try and take some comfort in that - all is not lost ❤️

(Image description: pink and orange ombré background. Words are the lyrics to Rolling Stones don’t.
“You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, you just might find, You get what you need” - this is written in a bold turquoise font)

✨ (requested review) ✨

cw for review and book: s*lf harm, ab*se, m*rder, tra*ma.

Vaneeta Kaur’s sequel novel, Brimming Boughs, available now on Kindle! 🌸🍃

Swipe for our review ➡️ Links to Vaneeta’s website and Goodreads is in our bio. 🪐

Unfortunately the review is too long for the post itself, so please do head to our link to read the review. Apologies for any inconvenience. If anyone has any topics on extended written posts, please let me know!! 📝📓

This was a beautiful book, thank you // Purple Roan for having us be a part of this amazing series! 📚🌸

[image descriptions: image 1: light pink table background with a sprig of lavender on it, a flat lay of an electronic device/ Kindle is shown with the Brimming Boughs book cover displayed on the screen. There is a vase of lavender in the foreground. On the image there is writing in a brown colour, “Available for pre-order on Amazon. Via vaneetakaur.com or link in bio!”

Image 2: pink background with white screenshot with black writing of the first part of the review.

Image 3: pink background with white screenshot with black writing of the second part of the review.]

💘💘💘In preparation for an incredibly exciting launch, and as a little thank you to our lovely family on here for your support over the years, we would like to gift you a ✨FREE✨copy of the digital CONKER, GROWING PAINS when you buy a copy of our digital CONKER - some great reading for your week! 🎟💌🌻

How to claim your free mag:

💘go to our online shop (in bio), conkermagazine.bigcartel.com
💘head to our digital magazine section of the shop
💘add the digital homecoming and digital growing pains to your cart
💘 enter our magical discount code at the checkout! 🎉

DISCOUNT CODE: ECNKR96L

Surprises coming soon ... in the meantime - feel free to support a small biz and get some wholesome reads 🎨📚💘

💘💻 We’ve become an e-zine for easy reading, and without a single interaction with the outside world! As much as we love receiving post *ahem ahem* it is now possible to brew yourself a beverage of choice and CONKER mag will be waiting and ready to be read and enjoyed by the time your bev is ready 💘💻

get cosy and come and hang out with us for a bit 🎨📥🎉

You can still take yourself off of social media to have a little read and get lost in the little safe world of CONKER.

Head to our shop 🛒🛍 (link in bio) to grab a digital copy, to download and read in a matter of minutes!

A SLOW RELEASE OF A SECRET PROJECT 💌✒️🔮 👀 the wonderful .stickells created these exclusive designs for a special project!! 🔮💌✒️🥳🌧🌸🌻🥀🍄✨ we will be releasing some more info on this VERY soon! Keep your eyes peeled. So exciting😍🔮✒️💌 follow our sibling page, for more info 🌻

Cw: mention of stigma and bpd behaviours.

In the wake of Instagram banning the hashtag, we’ve partnered up with to help spread accurate and helpful information about borderline personality disorder, something that affects us both. It would mean the world to us if you could take ten minutes to read through this post, like and share it to help spread awareness. No doubt they will try to bury this too! Inbox open for discussion 💜

So, onto our ‘actual’ post today! 🍊🌸🌊

The concept of ‘moulding’ people is something so deeply ingrained into society that it’s has been normalised. This is not okay, and to counteract, we must de-normalise it for ourselves and then to those around us, by pulling apart the concept of moulding.

Stepping away from the V05 Hair gel/wax (?) advert ... it’s clear that there is a certain idea of what shape the mould itself takes (in terms of skills, looks, race, gender, and all other aspects that are focused on as dividing factors in society).

We don’t have space for an essay here, and we doubt you’d want to read one! but we’d value your thoughts. However, here are some of our own thoughts ..

Moulding is often something that institutions like schools proudly boast to parents on open days “we’ll mould your child into an Oxbridge candidate!” This is problematic. Why? Because it perpetuates the concept that there is only one route in life, and moreover it forces vulnerable individuals to believe that whatever does not fit into these neat little moulds is “surplus to requirement” and may even be “flawed”. After school, naturally, this idea of moulding will warp our view on the world. We need a specific job, a specific route, a specific destination, a specific nuclear family unit, we need to look a certain way and anything that distinguishes us as individuals should be seen as embarrassing and shameful and must be chucked to the wayside. Sacrificing individuality is not only such a waste, it is dangerous and cruel. There is not one route, right way to be, or natural hierarchy. Be aware of the moulds that you still try and squeeze into. We aren’t cats and this life is NOT a cardboard box. 🐈💫 Rebel against this suffocating and inherently prejudiced system. 🌎

[ 🎨 Memes/ posts by (in order of appearance): *ts ] 🎨

Happy Saturday. Today we just wanted to remind you that the reason that holding onto anger (in and of itself) towards a person who has deeply affected and pained your life is not doing yourself justice. It can tie you to that pain. It takes up space that should be used to turn love inwards, to make repairs that only you can fix (even though you should never have had to), to focus on your future and making sure your present is better than your past instead of lamenting what has happened. Remember, this isn’t a personal attack, it comes from a place of solidarity and experience on a personal level over here.

Take care of yourself today and every day. You are worth more than your past and you owe it to your potential and to the you that was always meant to unfold.

Introducing Caroline of for - you can find their link in our bio! 🎨🎭🎟🎬

This week it’s Captioning Awareness Week on Scenesaver -
https://www.scenesaver.co.uk/- the free to use, website, launched during lockdown, to do something positive to help the theatre world, to support and
incentivise creatives, to make theatre accessible to all and to provide theatregoers with their fix of theatre during the pandemic.

Said Scenesaver founder Caroline Friedman: “We have partnered with Stagetext for Captioning Awareness Week because captions are so
important, they enhance performance and make theatre accessible to new audiences.

“Accessibility is at the heart of Scenesaver. We believe everyone should be
able to see theatre regardless of reasons of disability, finance, work or childcare commitments or geography”.
“For many people Scenesaver is their first chance to see the work from small, and often inaccessible, theatres. It is not just about entertainment. When the theatres closed many people understandably became very depressed- they
lsot everything, their livelihood their reason to get up every day.

We launched the OnComm theatre awards to encourage people to create new work.
There are now 300+ performances and 1000s of users from all over the
world.”

Scenesaver is free to use: https://www.scenesaver.co.uk/

A hub showing performances from small theatres worldwide there are 300+
performances in all different genres.

Liam Ryan’s poem was featured in our 2018, RISE issue which is currently unavailable for purchase .. but we might just bring it back 🎨💫🌸😉

Some late night thoughts and soothing words for a late night post.

Wishing you all a restful sleep 💤 night night 🥰

I’m posting twice today which is most likely “anti-algorithm” but f*** it!!

There’s something important to say and CONKER was made to be genuine and honest and HERE when it counts.

Sometimes when a string of misfortunes occur and you start turning to “unsafe” coping mechanisms you start getting into the mentality of being a “failure” or that any strides towards recovery or healing were fascades - perhaps displays of a grandiose sense of self?! You might think. You might think that you’re a terrible person because you didn’t do something “for the best” and because you aren’t a ray of sunshine or constantly smiling at every passer by or because you’re forgetting to keep your space tidy and now you’re ‘not even’ washing your hair.

You might think “f*** it, I’m no good for anything and nobody would ever want me or love me like this” and think that your mental health may have been tricking you all along on this illusion of “health”.

I’m here to soothingly remind you that healing is never linear. You will f*** up. It’s almost guaranteed. I don’t mean it to stress you, but to simply reassure you that to “err is human” and all that!

I must admit I’m here too. I’m riding that low and it’s painful and horrible and I hate it.

Sometimes you’ll feel like this carousel is destined to go on forever. But I have faith that you will find your way, growing is painful and tears will be shed. Days may pass without a single ounce of self care. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

I always remember thar one episode from the UK show, ‘My Mad Fat Diary’ when Kester the psychiatrist tells the lead character to picture her young self sitting on the sofa next to them, and to turn around and tell that little girl all of the horrible things she said about herself.

So I want you to picture your young and vulnerable self, and I want you to hug them and soothe them and I want you to remind them that it’ll all be okay, that it’ll most definitely all be okay once again.

A huge package of love to you. I hope this finds you in a good place, but if it doesn’t, then we can sit it out together,

Cat # # #